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Co-Worker Likes My Boyfriend

"My Co-Worker Has Feelings For My Boyfriend"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I desperately need some advice. Here goes . . .

Me, my friend, and new boyfriend work at the same workplace. My friend is pretty close to my boyfriend as they work in the same department. I was fine with this before I found out she had a crush on him at the same time as me. It all started when I told her that I had a crush on this guy. I told him how I felt, and we eventually started dating. She then told me that she had a crush on him the same time I did. Even though she had a bf at the time, and she knew that I liked him, she still told him how she felt about him. He didn't respond to her feelings. I had no idea about this until we went on our first date, and my friend told me the next day.

I have never had a problem with their friendship until now. They spend a lot of time together at work (he spends his lunchtime with her), and he never makes any effort to see me at work. I am really uncomfortable about them together now that I know how she once felt, and I can't help but feel anxiety. Am I wrong to feel this way? She has become colder toward me since we started dating, and I don't think she realizes it. I can't go on dating him knowing that they go for coffee together after work and they spend a lot of time together at work.

I have doubts about this guy anyway because he ignores me at work (he wants to keep us a secret because he is worried that we will lose credibility) yet he spends all his spare time with my friend. He texts me once a day (yes, really!) and does not phone. I don't mind that, but it just adds to my doubts about him. Am I being paranoid?

Please help me.

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mix-tape mix-tape 4 years
That's cute, your first inter-work relationship. Get this bomb waiting to blow over with and never do it again. THEY ALWAYS END TERRIBLY!   Your post talks about how you feel so uncomfortable with this girl friend of yours, but really you have no trust in your new man. Don't ruin a "friendship" and a work environment over some crush.  There is something fishy with relationships that have to be hidden. No wonder you don't trust anyone. Get out while you have some sanity left.
awesomepants awesomepants 4 years
umm, why do you keep calling this girl your friend? She doesn't sound very friendly to me. This sounds strange to me. When he's spending lunchtime with her where are you? Why can't all three of you eat together? And why on earth does he think he will lose credibility if he talks to you at work? Yea, ignoring you completely is real subtle. So he can ignore you but spend lunchtime AND after work time with this other woman? PLEASE. PLEASE. This is a mess. Why can't you guys go out for coffee after work? Is he trying to keep the entire world from finding out about you guys? I mean, how close is their friendship? Forget about this woman for now, as far as I'm considered she isn't a big problem. If she makes a move that's on her, you can't stop her. You need to establish your relationship and figure out if you really want to be with this person. Don't want it even more just because this girl likes him too. You said you have doubts about him. Listen to your gut. Break up with him, he's not worth it. Don't let him break up with you though, do it first and do it professionally. Oh and never ever tell a coworker how you feel about another coworker. Don't bring any kind of drama into your workplace no matter how much you trust your coworker. If something ever happens it'll make working there a nightmare for you.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
No, you're not being paranoid. Your relationship is a secret and he's spending a lot of time with another woman who has a thing for him. Unless he's your supervisor, and as long as you to aren't PDA'ing at work, it should be fine to be open there is a romantic relationship. Trust me, people already suspect anyway. If he tries to gaslight you into thinking you're being paranoid by saying these things are OK, stand up for what is important to you because no one else will and why would you need anyone else to tell you it's ok to expect them? The right guy will agree with your values, will not hide your romance under a rock, will not be able to send just one message a day (at least at the very beginning) and will not spend a lot of time with another woman who is attracted to him. At least she told you the truth and you know the dynamic.
BiWife BiWife 4 years
hidden relationships are a recipe for disaster. what is it about you that would make him look so bad at work that he would lose credibility? Is it because it's against company policy or state labor laws (usually dating your direct superior/employee is against policy)? Either way, he needs to figure out how to be in a real relationship with you or you need to realize that you're just a booty call and occasional nice person to talk to.
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