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Coming Out Of Your Shell

Dear Sugar
I am a freshman in college and have never had a boyfriend. I have gone to an all girls school my whole life and don't have much experience socializing with guys. It seems like whenever I like someone, I am mean to them.

I don't intend to offend anyone, but I just get so uncomfortable. I really want to meet people and I am hoping you can give me some advice so I can break this cycle I have created for myself. Awkward Alexandra

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Awkward Alexandra
Being in a new environment is bound to be nerve wracking so don't be too hard on yourself. What is it that makes you so nervous when talking to guys? Do you have the same apprehension when talking to girls you don't know?

You could be experiencing some social anxiety and your offensive jabs are slipping out like a nervous tick, so working on your self confidence is a must. Try confiding in an outgoing girlfriend. Ask her to give you some ideas for conversation starters.

When you are talking to a guy, try to relax and be yourself. Sometimes women try to act a certain way or concentrate too much on saying the right thing to impress guys that it just comes out all wrong. If you be yourself, the conversation will flow much more naturally and your inner personality will come through.

The more you socialize with members of the opposite sex, the easier it will get. Meeting new friends is somewhat daunting, but try to remember that the other freshmen are in the same boat as you are. Good luck to you.

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kittycat kittycat 9 years
in high school i met so many people. great time. in university it was all school work. no time for friends. best way to meet people is at work. socializing only please. if u want to meet potential bf join a club or make friends at work and get to know their friends or search school group work projects for potential bf. i met my man in second year group project in class. he does not know how to talk to girls. good thing i know how to talk to guys cuz i had lots of guy friends in high school. the important thing is be yourself and true to others.
detroit detroit 9 years
when i was in college i got a job at a local restaurant/ bar. i met tons of friends there, and its a situation that forces you to be social.
rustedwings rustedwings 9 years
I went to an all girls school for all of elementary and high school, so I feel your pain. The thing is, when I went to university I was shocked to find out that many of the people who had been to normal schools hadn't really dated either. In fact where most of the kids I went to school with had been throwing themselves into bed left right and centre and then coming back to tell the tale, in normal schools boys weren't really such a big deal cause they were just there so that didn't happen. Know that girls school can be intense, and it can warp what's normal in girl-guy relationships and friendships. Just relax and get to know guys as friends, like you do your girl friends because there really is no difference between how you get to know a guy or a girl. It's win-win, if you like them as a friend you'll get to be friends, and if you like them as more you've got to have a solid basis of friendship to build on. And also? That nervous tick sounds like a defense mechanism where you push them away before they push you away. Cut it out! If you're not ready to treat a boy like a normal human being and to connect on that level, take a deep breath and ask yourself why. It may not come naturally at the moment, but getting to have a few down to earth guy friends is really priceless. Good luck!
ccsugar ccsugar 9 years
Do you live in dorms? That's a great way to meet people. Talk to people in your classes, join some groups you may be interested in. I met some friends in college I know will be life-long friends. Be social now, because it's twice as hard to make friends when you enter the workforce! At least for me, it is :(
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