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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Fear Of Exposure

DEARSUGAR and Insecure Insiya need your help. She wants to have sex with her smoking hot, star athlete boyfriend who loves her but she’s too afraid of him seeing her naked. Can anyone help pep up this confidence-starved cheerleader?

Dear Sugar
I am being pressured by my boyfriend to have sex. I am a senior in high school and we have been dating for about a year. I have very strong feelings for him, although I know that I am not in love with him. My feelings are more lustful.

He is very handsome and he is the captain of the football team. Whenever I see him, especially out on the field, all I want to do is rip off his shirt, touch him and kiss him all over. He's so hot, I can’t seem to keep my hands off of him!

Sex has come up quite a few times between us when things in the bedroom get a little too hot and heavy. I can’t blame him for wanting to go all of the way, as I am sure that I am constantly sending him the signals that I am ready. The problem is that I feel so insecure about my body, that I don’t want him to see me naked.

I’m not a virgin, but I’m not very experienced either. I feel like the combination of me not wanting to expose my naked body or expose my inexperience in bed will leave me feeling too emotionally vulnerable and I’ll become a nervous wreck. I don’t want to become even more unattractive to him.

I know that he loves me, he has told me many times and he is always there for me if I need him, but I am still feeling so afraid to do the deep even though I want him so badly. What do you think I should do? Should I just go for it? Insecure Insiya

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Join The Conversation
RCLdesigngirl RCLdesigngirl 9 years
My heart aches for you! You are too young to be asking yourself these questions. Let me say first of all that you should never do anything that feels uncomfortable for you - no matter what it is (having sex, scuba diving, or roller blading). I think our society has confused an entire generation of teens about what exactly sex is....it is meant to be shared with someone you love deeply, to whom you are committed, who respects you and your mind, who will put your needs before his or her own. It is not something that can be done without some type of emotional attachment to it. (There is no such thing as meaningless sex.) I hope that you will be true to yourself. Your boyfriend might be superhot, but you will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life. It might feel great while you're doing it, but if you don't love him, it will not feel great once you have some clarity.
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
You dont sound like you need to be having sex. (period)
Ms_Magnificent1 Ms_Magnificent1 9 years
I agree with Valeri and Toronado... Sex is NOT everything in a relationship...and most of the time it complicates things. Make sure that if you share yourself with anyone you do it for LOVE, you know 100% you both are ready so there will be NO regrets and you know that he wants you for who you are mentally/emotionally and not just physically!
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 9 years
Btw. valeri, I love your comment.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 9 years
I disagree with more than one statement on this thread maybe, I'll elaborate later. In the meantime, don't have sex with this guy...wait till you fall in love, and please work on your self-esteem, sweetie. :)
Toronado Toronado 9 years
In my opinion, LUST is never a good reason to have sex, anyway. Why would you do it when you don't love the guy? Maybe HE thinks sex isn't that important, since it's been a year already. If he's a really great guy (and they're hard to find, these days), don't risk the relationship by pressuring him into sex. Anyway, if HE were the one wanting sex and YOU weren't ready, would you like it? Nooooooo.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
well my dear, males his age will not be critical of the woman they love when it come to sex. having said that i think you should stick with what is comfortable for you and if you feel not ready it doesn't matter how long you have been dating or how you actually look. your mind is saying "not now" and there's a reason for that. you have the rest of your life to have sex. why not just enjoy high school and try to keep intimate situations to where there is a built in termination point (curfew, parents picking you up, etc). if he's gone a year with out sex there's something else that he's getting from you; love, companionship, affection, friendship. sounds like things are pretty good just as they are. i'm bringing naughty back :naughty_elves:
purplesugar purplesugar 9 years
if you were ready to have sex, there would be no need for him to "pressure" you into it, as you said yourself he is doing. Read over your letter again as if it was from your friend or sister. would you actually tell her to go through with it? I don't think so. Keep your pants on.
JessNess JessNess 9 years
Every woman worries about her body when it comes to sex. My issue though is it sounds like you are not ready to have sex with him. If he really loves you he will stop pressuring you and wait until you are ready to have sex. Dont do it just because he wants to. Also if he really loves you what your body looks like will not matter to him. If I were you I would wait until you are ready to have sex and you feel a little more confident about your body so that it is fun for you.
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