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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: My Friend Invited Herself Over On My Anniversary Weekend

DEARSUGAR and Panicked Penny need your help. An out of town guest needs a crash pad the weekend of her first wedding anniversary. Should she tell her buddy to hit the road, or should she oblige and make plans to go out with her husband to celebrate?

Dear Sugar
This Sunday is me and my hubby's first year anniversary. We've decided to save money and stay home all weekend but we wanted to make the weekend special by cooking together, making a fire, watching old movies and defrosting our wedding cake that's been in our freezer all year. We so rarely ever get an entire weekend of downtime together, and I am so excited for this.

I just got a call from an old friend of mine who mentioned that she was coming to town this weekend. Of course I was happy to hear from her, but I was hesitant to make plans with her since this is our anniversary weekend. I felt terrible that I was beating around the bush, and just when I was about to tell her that I would love to meet her for coffee on Sunday, she told me that she desperately needed a place to stay.

My heart sank. I froze and told her that I'd have to call her back. She was at our wedding, in fact, she was a bridesmaid, so she knows this is our anniversary so she must be really desperate. What should I tell her? Is it selfish of me to want just one weekend alone with my hubby to celebrate our first year anniversary?

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ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 9 years
Better pick up your phone and fast unless you want a third wheel
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
Tell her to find another crash pad...this is a very important weekend for you!
Kas1 Kas1 9 years
She obviously must have known she was coming to town, she should have made her own arrangements for where she would be staying,not call you at the last minute and expect you to accomodate her. Tell her it's your first anniversary, you and your husband already have plans, your happiness and your husbands need to come first and there is certainly nothing wrong with that and if she doesn't understand then she's not the kind of friend you need anyway.
Kratsina Kratsina 9 years
I'd remind her it's your anniversary and depending on how deeply you two feel for one another, either find her the numbers for area motels or use some of the money you saved staying home with your sweetie and offer to pay for one night of her stay.
Vsugar Vsugar 9 years
Agreed, agreed, agreed. Call her back and say that you have already made plans and special arrangements because it is your anniversary, and you would be happy to make it up to her another time. You could check around your local area and find reasonable hotels and call her back with a few phone numbers if you want to help her out, but whoever said it is right: she's a grown-up: she can stay in a hotel. Good Luck!!
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 9 years
I agree with sofi. Just say something like, "As much as I'd love to have you stay, it's our first year anniversary, so it's kind of a special weekend. Sorry."
sofi sofi 9 years
You need to remind her that it's your anniversary- she may not remember the exact day. Tell her you've had plans forever and it won't work out this time. If she is totally desperate and doesn't get the hint- do you have any close friends who DO understand and can help you out for the weekend? Some people just don't get it, but this day/weekend with your hubby won't come around again- she's got to be somewhat considerate to that fact. Enjoy!
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
yeah if someone is going to be disappointed or upset with you about this weekend it needs to not be your husband. why is she coming to town with no plans for place to stay? maybe tell her that after talking with her you tried to rearrange things with days off but you couldn't and so this weekend you are unfortunately not able to accommodate her. and i agree, she probably doesn't even remember it's your anniversary.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
Why hesitate on the first place...TELL HER NO! husband or friend....husband or friend...on your FIRST ANNIVERSARY...duh! is a no brainer!
la_clique la_clique 9 years
Tell her no! If she is really a friend she will understand. I'm sure she doesn't remember it's your ann.
sarahelca sarahelca 9 years
You're place is not a hotel, so give her the numbers of some around you.
SaRaH-22 SaRaH-22 9 years
I agree, just explain the situation to her..i love how your so bluntly honest T0xxic, its very refresshing! ~*~Carmel APple Martini~*~
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
Tell her no -------------------- -------------------- Secret Santa Guidelines are up Check them out and double check your on my list!
purplesugar purplesugar 9 years
don't assume she remembers that it is your wedding weekend. just tell her you'd love to have her come visit, but that weekend doesn't work out for you. a friend would understand why and not hold it against you.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
It is your weekend and you need to spend it as you planned. Invite her to coffee as planned but you are under no obligation to invite her for the weekend just because she was in your wedding. As far as being desperate she's a grown up and can make other arrangements. There are hotels.
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