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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Too Good To Be True

DEARSUGAR and Disappointed Dara need your help. She's found herself enjoying the lavish gifts from a wealthy young man, however she is married. Doesn't she understand that nothing ever comes for free? I've always said that if it's too good to be true, it probably is. How is she supposed to handle this situation moving forward?

Dear Sugar
My husband and I are friends with a very wealthy man. He just broke off his engagement and took us, another couple and some (handsome male friends) on a trip of a lifetime. We spent ten days in his five room suite in a fancy hotel in the Costa del Sol in Spain with every whim of ours being attended to. This was originally the vacation that he had planned for his honeymoon.

While on the trip, he proceeded to buy the two of us women (we’re both married) luxurious gifts. He’s such a generous man who is extremely kind hearted. Since he’s not particularly good looking and extremely effeminate it’s difficult for him to meet women. I know what you are thinking—sweet rich guy can’t get a girl, but it’s true. He just can’t seem to find someone genuine. We really connected and since the trip, we’ve met for lunch and a few shopping dates.

My husband isn’t threatened by him because he knows that I am not attracted to him, however, he has expressed that he thinks it’s strange how a man is constantly showering another man’s wife with gifts. My husband actually thinks that he might be gay and can't understand why he'd like to shop so much. I guess that I’ve just turned my cheek to the strangeness of it all because I am really enjoying getting spoiled. Just last week he bought me a gorgeous oriental silk rug for $25,000. I know that he’s got plenty of money to spare and these sprees of ours are as fun for me as they are for him.

Also, I am an art dealer with a specialty in oriental art. During our last lunch out, he handed me a job offer letter. He's currently building a 45 million dollar hotel in Paris and has asked me to supply it with all of the art. I was elated. This is my dream project and I couldn’t wait to begin. I have been working on his hotel remotely for just about two weeks now and the plans are going marvelously. This is the one job that could really propel my career.

Unfortunately, last night I got a call from a girlfriend of mine that has left me feeling upset and unnerved all day. She and her husband were having dinner with him last night at his home. I guess the wine was flowing pretty heavily and when her husband got up to use the restroom, he confessed his undying love for me and how he couldn't wait to finally get me to Paris alone.

What should I do about continuing to have him in my life now? Can he and I still be friends? Can I continue to work on his hotel? Do I need to give back all of my gifts? And lastly, do I need tell my husband? Disappointed Dara

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Join The Conversation
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
yeah Jenn* It is messed up. Those chicks are called ho's I believe. :D
JennaV JennaV 9 years
Jamers....I agree 100%. This seems like it is out of one of my gramma's True Story magazines. I mean, what kind of married woman takes extravagant gifts from another man???? That's messed up.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
sounds like a past fruit loop who 'just wanted a more interesting life'..........PEOPLE.....dearsugar is for for real life problems or simple suggestions that you are asking her or sometimes us......this is exactly why I mostly stay on the private suites...
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
cranberry, you're right. yesterday he was building a $30 million home but today it's a $45 million hotel. yesterday she was the interior decorator today she's an art buyer. yesterday he bought her an ostrich handbag and today it was a silk rug. cannot imagine why the facts would need to be changed.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
what are you? really 'that' ignorant? Girl you're married, you should be ashamed of yourself. I can't believe you need advice on whether or not you can keep this creep/home wrecker as a friend. YOU need help chick. You ain't gettin' no sympathy from me. AND your husband deserves better than you.
Cranberry Cranberry 9 years
What's going on? This is not the same post as yesterday!
herbiefrog herbiefrog 9 years
> he confessed his undying love for me > and how he couldn't wait to > finally get me to Paris alone. finally? [what's the quest...] i think the point was that he's attempting to make an offer but with no experience who? s'not us... oh that's a relief...
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 9 years
If I were you, when I went to Paris I'd of course bring my husband, and start including your husband more in these activities the two of you do. And also, always hint at setting him up with other girls so he gets the idea that you're not interested.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
a $30 million dollar home? uh-huh. is that ostrich handbag givin off fumes?
pattyo pattyo 9 years
LOl!
jlana jlana 9 years
Pattyo, your comment cracked me up!
frenchydb frenchydb 9 years
have more sex with him than you have with your husband...and keep the gifts....what else can is Say?
pattyo pattyo 9 years
Tell him to call me....I'm single.....Chicago area!
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 9 years
I would tell my husband. Return the gifts. Stop decorating the house. And, tell this man, that you found out he has feelings for you. I would also say, I'm happily married, and I'm sorry but, this friendship is just not going to work for me.
hazel_eyes_smile hazel_eyes_smile 9 years
Wow, it sounds like you've already let this go too far. Either stop all contact with him, and explain why (you owe that much to him), return all gifts and move on; OR, be a good friend and help him find someone "genuine" to love. If you're using him for gifts and presents, and not giving anything in return, you're not being a good friend. You're just using him for his money. You say "He just can’t seem to find someone genuine", that applies to genuine friends, too. Encourage him to date. Introduce him to some of your single friends. Take him out to places where he can meet women. Let him know that you want him to be as happy with a wife as you are with your husband. And make it clear that while you appreciate the gifts, you're not going to love him for them.
Cranberry Cranberry 9 years
I don't mean to be harsh, but it sounds to me like you're just using the guy. If that's the case, it doesn't matter what his feelings are- you're in the wrong and you need to stop.
Holly-Golightly Holly-Golightly 9 years
Don't hurt this man by continuing to accept gifts from him. You'll be leading him on if you do. And tell your husband about it. Imagine how it would look to him if he found out from a some one else that a man you're spending so much time with is in love with you.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
don't, don't, don't do his house. a boost to your career isn't worth the damage you could do to your marriage. avoid contact with this guy. stop accepting gifts. you'll just be leading him on. lord knows i'd be pissed if my husband was accepting gifts from a rich woman who admired him. respect your husband and marriage by doing the right thing.
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