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DEARSUGAR and Confused Coco need your help. C'mon gals, we've all been in this position before where we use a birthday or a holiday as an excuse to contact someone which would otherwise be against our better judgement. Why do we do this?

Dear Sugar
I met an awesome guy about four months ago, however, as soon as we started to date more consistently, I got scared to commit. I have been in some terrible relationships before and I was afraid of getting too close and getting hurt. Instead of giving him a chance, I put a wall up and shut him out. I was quite mean to him and practically told him I wanted nothing to do with him. After our last conversation, he gave me all of the space I needed and I took the time to think about him and our past dates.

I came to realize that he is in fact a really nice guy and that I wanted to have him in my life. About a week and a half later I called to tell him that I wanted to meet up and talk about us. He had changed though and I could sense it immediately. It was as though he was holding a bitter, grudge against me. We got into a huge fight and stopped speaking for another two weeks.

He called me out of the blue one day to apologize for saying some of the hurtful things he said. I completely understood why he was upset and I instantly forgave him. During our talk, I got to see an even more wonderful and sensitive side to him. He poured his heart out to me and I felt terrible for shutting him out. At least I was no longer frightened, in fact, I was falling in love again.

Everything was going well up until about two weeks ago. All of a sudden he's stopped speaking to me. The first week, I felt like he was avoiding me but this week I haven't spoken to him at all. Today I got a reminder on my computer about his upcoming birthday on Friday. I really like him and I am upset about us not speaking, so I decided to send him a text message wishing him a happy birthday on Friday. Why am I using this to get back in touch with him? Is this really lame of me? Confused Coco

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