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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: The Waiting Game

DEARSUGAR and Sweating Him Suzan need your help. If he was really into her, don’t you think he’d make a little bit more of an effort? At the same time, what if he is just busy and that’s all that he can offer her? What do you think?

Dear Sugar
I’ve been out on three dates with Mike. I have a really great time with him; he’s smart, witty, easy on the eyes and seems to be really grounded. After our first date, I thanked him and he gave me this really sweet kiss on the cheek. He called me five days later and asked me out again. I was kind of upset that he’d waited five days to call when we had such a nice time, but I was just so happy to be seeing him again it didn’t matter really.

Our second date was fantastic. We went to dinner followed by a romantic walk and ice cream. Then we went to a bar, had a drink and sat and talked for a while there. Eventually we wound up dancing and kissing all night. I had a great night and he said that he did too.

Yet again though, he waited six whole days to call me. I actually called him the next day to thank him, and that’s how long he waited to get back to me! Now I was starting to get upset…Well I guess I am more disappointed than upset I guess because I really was beginning to like him.

Our third date was ten days ago. We had tons of fun, we went to dinner and then to a concert together. I even met a few of his friends who I really liked. This time he waited 9 days to call me again. I finally said something to him about it last night and he told me that he’s sorry, but that he’s just really busy.

What does this mean? If he really liked me, wouldn’t he want to talk to me or see me more often? Should I continue this waiting game and go out with him again or should I just tell him that I’m busy and that I can’t see him anymore? I’m really not digging this type of behavior. Sweating Him Suzan

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gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
If it's something you really don't like...i say cut him loose...I know is too early to predict what kind of relationship you guys would have if you have any at all but can you see yourself waiting..and waiting...and waiting... I didn't think so.
herbiefrog herbiefrog 9 years
cubadog has some insight each of us is independant and yet all of us are together there is no competition
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Your just dating at this point so you need to find some other things to do with your time other than waiting for the phone to ring. You don't mention what he does for living something tells me that deep down you know he has a demanding job and he really doesn't have time to call or text you at every whim. Besides texting is stupid and I HATE it. Just call me if you have something to say. Sorry that is another subject. Maybe I have been single for too long but I like when someone I am dating has a their own life.
snixy30 snixy30 9 years
Hes not that into you...find someone who will be and who will call you and or text you at any break they get..this guy is playing the field. Good luck!
kixstr8up kixstr8up 9 years
hmmm, ever read hes just not that into you? stop making excuses for him.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
You've asked him about how he's been waiting to call you, so I'd see if he changes his behaviour. If he continues to take ages to call you forget about him, but now that he knows, if he really likes you he knows he sohuld probably call you earlier than he has been if he wants to keep you around.
IcyKeiraStars IcyKeiraStars 9 years
Probably he is really busy. Just try to talk to him about that and just ask him to spend a little bit more time with you. Probably going lunch or dinner with you for about thrice a week.
flutterpie flutterpie 9 years
from the way it sounds, he just wants someone to hang out with. i doubt he is looking for a serious relationship.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
hate to have to say it but i think you have to let this one go. even if he adores you do you really want a relationship with someone who has so little to offer? go out with other people and DON'T count on this guy. if he comes back around and you want a fun evening go ahead, but know that that is all you will get with this one. a friend of mine dated a guy like this. the time between contact and dates kept getting longer and longer. he really was busy, but she wanted more. he's told you all you need to know, either what he's offering is enough is or it's not.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
go with what beachbarbie says-don't call him-keep busy and go out with other people and go out with him too. if he likes you-he will call-which he has done-i once read in a book to act with a guy that you like-treat him as you would a guy you weren't really in to-you don't really think about him and then he calls and keeps calling-it relieves some of the pressure and you aren't looking desperate-good luck-I think you sound like you have a good shot-just play it cool.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 9 years
I would def. wait for him to call me. I would also continue to date other men, too. He is probably just very busy; men aren't that complicated. :)
nycgirl nycgirl 9 years
Sad to say, but I agree with lovely. If he was feeling the same, he'd be text messaging you whenever he had a coffee/lunch break. That's too bad! Good luck with dating!
BlondeSugar BlondeSugar 9 years
I will never figure out guys, and this may as well be me asking this question. All I know is that dating SUCKS!
lovely lovely 9 years
I wouldn't call. If he had as good a time as you did, then he will be wanting to see you again. If he doesn't call, something is up with him, and you should not waste any more time and energy. When a guy is feeling the way you are feeling, you know it, whether they are busy or not.
Holly-Golightly Holly-Golightly 9 years
Try to have a more relaxed attitude about it. My boyfriend has a really demanding job, and the 1st few months that we dated, there were times that I thought he didn't like me. Then I realized that it was just that he was too busy to call and hang out all the time. I TRIED to be casual and not worry, but it's hard when you really like some one. Anyway, I hung in there and now we're in a serious relationship. Maybe that will happen in your case, too. It sounds like he's always the one asking you out. Maybe he wonders why you're not calling him and asking him to do stuff? Call him and ask him out. If he's busy, then call another guy.
LaylaCams LaylaCams 9 years
I've learned that some people really just don't a lot of time on their hands. He may seriously not have time to call you, but that means does he have time for a serious relationship? If he calls you 3 times total in 1 months seems like it'd be hard to get him committed. You need to just decide if you can just take being a casual dating partner for right now with him. I say, just relax and don't take things so seriously as of now. Do your own thing while you guys can just hang out when you get time.
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