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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Why Doesn't He Trust Me?

DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Why Doesn't He Trust Me?

DEARSUGAR and Aggravated Ava need your help. If you ask me, it sounds like he's found something of yours that you are not admitting to. Have you gotten any strange emails, voice mails, cards or text messages that would be setting him off like this? Why would he go from trusting you to full on paranoia for no reason?

If the answer is no and he's just this psychotically insecure then I think it's time to break up. This does not sound like the kind of relationship with a bright and healthy future. I'm sorry Ava, I know you aren't ready, but this will never last. What do you guys think? Have you ever dated someone this jealous?

Dear Sugar,
Recently, my boyfriend of two years has been very focused on my fidelity. I've never cheated on him or any other boyfriend before, but he is preoccupied with the idea that I am sleeping with someone else. When I don't answer my phone after two rings he'll ask me if I'm too busy "getting busy" to answer his calls.

He's even taken to accusing me of cheating with my girlfriends if I tell him we are out at the mall or out wherever. I find it strange because he's never really been like this before. We've always been really open with each other so it feels like he is coming at me out of the blue with this stuff.

I think that if he really loved me this wouldn't be an issue so far into our relationship. It finally got to a point the other night where I told him that his mistrust and suspicions are becoming really big turn offs for me. Last week he called me after a night out drinking with his friends and told me that he had cheated on me and that I should just admit that I had cheated on him too because we had both messed up now.

I told him, again, that I had always been faithful to him and I got really upset. The next morning he called and apologized and said that he hadn't really cheated on me but was just testing me to see if I had ever slipped up. I chose to believe that he never cheated...but it is disturbing that he would use a mean and hurtful ploy to try and make me admit to something that I've never even done.

It seems as if he is projecting his guilty feelings onto me, but I am pretty confused. I love him but his lack of trust is excessive and I don't know what to say or do (beyond what I've done already) to reassure him that I love him and that I have not, nor will I cheat on him. I'm not ready to break up with him, but I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to be on the defensive for the rest of our relationship. Aggravated Ava

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kittycat kittycat 9 years
oh goodness. i dont know how you can stay in a relationship without trust. your guy would really irritate me if his behaviour/accusations persist. sounds like he has done some wrongs and is trying to get you to repeat his mistakes to even the score. have a serious talk with him. if he doesn't fess up, break it off because a guy who truly loves you would never treat you this way. if he does fess up about his cheating, break it off too. either way, end it. get out now. he doesn't truly love you.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
I think he is so preoccupied withyou cheating because he has cheated before or been cheated on before I'm all in.
Luna13 Luna13 9 years
yeah he def cheated and is trying to make you cheat with his insistence so he wont feel so bad about it. This relationship is no good for either of you. Lying, cheating and no trust does not make relationship. Move on and you'll look back at this experience and laugh
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 9 years
Hey Guys, I have been reading these boards for a while and this is my first post!! I am in a 3 year relationship and have recently started to have mistrust issues. Well my boyfriend is the most trustworthy guy in the world once i thought it through i realized that my issues are merely projecting my own self esteem issues. I have worked very hard on changing these issues and seeing the good in myself; because my boyfriend is a good person and certainly is entitled to my trust. Maybe your boyfriend is projecting his own self esteem issues onto you. The thing is that it just isn't fair to you. The fact he would throw around cheating on you like that is just plain weird. I would think long and hard about if you felt this will ever change. Other than being trust worthy there is nothing else that you can do to prove yourself to him. SO if he isn't trusting you now- i don't think much can change that. If you don't think that things will change ask yourself if you can deal with this forever. Good luck!!! TINA!
lolak lolak 9 years
Hey tOxx!! how you been? how's baby in the making coming along?
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
guilty conscience all the way
lolak lolak 9 years
Oh he cheated alright!!! This out of no where behaviour is coming from somewhere and it's not something you should lie to yourself about as much as he is trying to lie to you about it. I've been through this a few times and it always ended up coming from a guilt trip. Sorry hon, you need to bail out NOW
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
sounds like the relationship has sort of run it's course. sounds like it's time for a new boyfriend :) i'm bringing naughty back :naughty_elves:
a-nonny-mouse a-nonny-mouse 9 years
I don't think he'd be acting like such a whack-job if he hadn't cheated on you. (And his confession take-back was totally lame -- and completely unconvincing. No one EVER claims to have cheated if it didn't happen. . .well, no one *sane*, anyway.) Sorry sweet-pea, but this relationship sounds doomed. Get out now (and you might consider getting checked for STDs, as well; if the boy was unfaithful, he may be carrying around something other than fear and guilt).
BlondeSugar BlondeSugar 9 years
Ugh. I can't even imagine. I'm glad you got out of that relationship! You're so much better than that.
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 9 years
Oh Blonde girl, it was the 2nd worst time of my life! :oy: Oh the stories I could tell...
L7amiguita L7amiguita 9 years
Sounds to me that he is feeling guilty about something. Plus, he admitted to cheating on you while we has drunk...which makes me further believe this. Sometimes when someone has done something they regret, in this case, cheat, they try to make themselves feel better by making themselves believe the other person did the same thing. Sort of like, "we both cheated, l forgive you, you forgive me...let's just move on." I think this is a red flag, so I would really see all the signs around you and ask yourself if this man is capable of being unfaithful. I hope everything goes well for you... :)
BlondeSugar BlondeSugar 9 years
Woah atox! That's NUTS! and totally gross! :sick:
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 9 years
Whoa! Total flashback here. My ex did the same damn thing to me. Everything was fine, then outta the blue he was soooooooo suspicious and confused the crap outta me. Turns out he was sleeping with two of my good friends, was going off to parties and sleeping with girls, and sleeping with one of his best guy friends WIFE! Yeah, it was a very bad situation, and while I'm sure yours is no where near as bad as this, I'd break up with him. His behaviour is very Stinky McBlinky, not worth your heart ache. Like bluejeanie said, there's no point in being in a relationship when you can't trust that you are trusted. :)
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
if i were in your position, i'd end it. a relationship is suposed to be a good thing, something that makes you happy and makes life better. life is short, find a nice boy.
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