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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Bummer Of A Birthday

DEAR SUGAR and Bummed Our Brit need your help. Although she is pleased that her boyfriend served her breakfast in bed for her birthday, she is also a little bit disappointed that a single slice of toast and and an egg was his only gift to her.

What do you think? Should Brit have to graciously accept her mediocre meal from her boyfriend as a suitable birthday present, or does she have the right to feel let down by the man that she loves?

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years and last year for his birthday I threw a him a lavish surprise party that all of his friends and family attended. I am in school right now and unfortunately, I am still paying the debt I accumulated from throwing it.

For my birthday I drove 2 hours just so that I could spend the weekend with him. In all of the days leading up to it, he had been talking about how he was planning for my trip. I was so excited, I could hardly wait to get there to see what my main man had planned for me.

However, it was definitely a major let down once I arrived. When I got there he left me and headed to the library to study for four hours. When he returned, I was already asleep. The next day was my actual birthday and I was woken up to breakfast in bed.

The only thing was that my breakfast consisted of a single scrambled egg atop of one lonesome piece of bread. I absolutely hate eggs and this is something my boyfriend knows well because he loves them.

I ate it without complaining though, just waiting for my real present to surface at some point later in the day. Nighttime came and went and up until I left the next afternoon, I never got another gift from him. Do you think that I have the right to feel upset about my lame birthday? Bummed Out Brit

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UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 9 years
On the other hand, love is not about money or comparing. If he gave you enough attention and affection, than he probably thinks the world of you. So it's hard to say. It all depends on how he "served" the breakfast.
UrbanBohemian UrbanBohemian 9 years
Unless he has a sense of humor and it was part of a joke, or if he was planning something better for you, that is disappointing. If to him you are equal to a piece of toast with an egg on it, it doesn't sound like you mean as much as you should to him. And if you gave him something special for his birthday, it sounds like he can't give enough to be worthy of you.
katie225 katie225 9 years
i still think you're being a little too materialistic. except for the eggs part. wtf?
hautegeek hautegeek 9 years
Being that you've been together for more than three years, you do have a right to be upset. Have you discussed with him of this whole bday disappointment? The fact didn't give you a gift but eggs in bed sounds pretty lame to me on his part. You should really talk to him about it cuz it doesn't sound fair to me.
tina_marie tina_marie 9 years
No after three years of being a couple you have a right to be upset. Did he even get you a card?? I agree with Valeri, he isn't that into you anymore; he has something else occupying his time. :(
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
he's not that into you. this is his idea of planning your your visit? it's not what he could have done or might have done it's what he did. no card, silly song, bubble bath; just a breakfast that he knows you don't like. sorry to be ugly here but my first thought about the "study session" is that he wasn't at the library. i'm bringing naughty back :naughty_elves:
katie225 katie225 9 years
some women have this tendancy to "keep score" of things that you do for each other. this is an example of that. don't expect tit for tat in a relationship, and you won't be disappointed! not every birthday can fall on a time which is convenient for the people involved. i would say that he was probably preoccupied with more important things, like an exam. it was a bad idea for you to throw him such a lavish party as to put yourself in debt! i commend him for not making such a mistake. be thankful that you're alive for another year, that you have him in your life, that the life of luxury you have allows you to worry about such trivial things! don't sweat the small stuff, is basically what i'm saying. it's okay to be a little disappointed (because we're all human and nobody's perfect like mother teresa!), but it's better to just brush it off quickly. the only thing i wonder about is why in the world did he feed you eggs if he knows you hate eggs? now THAT is weird... other than that, i think you're overreacting just a little.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
He's a man. Not all men are romantic and actually no man that I have ever dated has been much of an event planner. You can't expect him to reciprocate just because you threw a party. For all I know, he didn't like having that kind of fuss and it doesn't even occur to him to do it to someone else. Sometimes you have to decide if you can love the person you're with rather than decide who you want them to be.
Vsugar Vsugar 9 years
Yeah, I don't blame you - that sounds pretty lame. And you don't sound like the kind of person who cares about THINGS - it doesn't sound like you are being materialistic - it just sounds like you had hoped he would make a big deal about celebrating YOU and the fact that you are in his life, and he didn't come through. Is everything else in the relationship going ok? Ultimately, you may have to just let it go, but if this isn't the first time he's done something like this, ie: not letting you know how much he treasures you, maybe you need to examine the relationship as a whole and talk to him about how it made you feel. If it's a one time thing, and he's usually great, I would just drop it, even though I COMPLETELY sympathize, and don't think it's at all unusual that you feel this way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sarahlynn sarahlynn 9 years
i woulda been bummed too
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
I think the studying should clue you in that maybe hes been really busy and though he was planning he couldnt do what he wanted. Just ask if everythings ok, just say things seemed a little weird when I visited is something bothering you are you stressed do you need to vent to me. Just be there for him. I know it was ur bday an all but dont sweat that.
lwoerther lwoerther 9 years
I don't think there's anything wrong with you being a little upset. You could have spent the weekend with family or girlfriends, but instead you spent it with him. If I were you I would say something. It will be hard not to sound selfish, but maybe say, "How about we go celebrate my birthday properly?" Don't make it sound like he owes you, but that you really want to celebrate now since it sounds like he was busy then. Pick a place, you can even pay! Then maybe he will get the hint that what he did wasn't appropriate.
Advah Advah 9 years
Oy it does sound pretty bad, but maybe he had a good excuse. Does he usually tend to get distracted if he's for instance too worried about an important exam? (I know some people who completely forget the rest of the world when they have one exam to prepare) Maybe he didn't have the time to go shopping for the perfect gift, or was too worried about school to spend some quality time with you. Maybe he's planning a party or a romantic weekend to make up for that one. If you're really hurt or disappointed, why not telling him how you feel? Let him know that you were expecting something special, or simply more than what he did, and that you're sad and/or angry he didn't pay more attention to your birthday. :)
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