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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Caution, Girlfight!

DEARSUGAR and Patient No More Pari need your help. She's majorly crushing an old time friend, but he's always on again off again with another girl who's got a black belt in karate. Talk about putting yourself out there emotionally and physically. What would you do if you were in her shoes?

Dear Sugar
I am in love with this intelligent, hot and honest guy. I say honest because I think it's one of the most endearing qualities about him (well, besides his rear end)! We've known each other for what seems like forever, and the problem I am having is that I can't tell when he's on or off with his longtime love.

Through the years, they must have broken up a dozen times already. I've waited and waited and now I can't seem to stop thinking about him. His girlfriend, or ex, has a black belt in karate and frankly, she scares me. She is super possessive of him and I am afraid that if I mess with him, there's a chance that she'll mess with me!

What do you think that I should do about this? If you were me, would you talk to him about your feelings and take your chances with both of them, or would you just continue to remain friendly with him and find someone without baggage? Patient No More Pari

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Join The Conversation
Kiki- Kiki- 8 years
This picture is of judo?:P
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
If he is with someone or on and off with someone he is emotionally unavailable. if you feel like you need to confess that you like him, you may lose him as a friend and he may tell her and then she may dislike you. If however, you are only his friend because you think that one day he may be yours, then you lose nothing by telling him but there will be repercussions. I would just move on and find someone who is emotionally available and keep the friendship.
superjules superjules 9 years
Sorry I was joking about the bat thing. I would just be careful if they did end up together. You just never know about people these days.
Miami-Gal Miami-Gal 9 years
I don't understand anyone liking or going after a guy who is taken. And conventional wisdom would also tell anyone to remember people need time after a breakup unless you don't mind the likely-hood you will be merely a rebound. And then, if you do get him, you better hope and pray you don't fight where he gets pissed and goes out, because I'd be willing to bet there is someone waiting around the corner for this hot, intelligent, and honest (yeah) guy with a horrible girlfriend. It's the way it is.
Miami-Gal Miami-Gal 9 years
Whoa, I wouldn't go there. It's odd that he is referred to as honest considering the you have to wonder if he is taken or not. How would you feel if you were in a relationship with some guy, you fought all the time, and find out that some girl was on the sidelines? I'm not saying they have a healthy relationship, but regardless, the fact that they keep getting back together may mean their break ups were truly breaks. I was with this guy who talked smack when we fought and there was someone just like you. She ended up getting scorned by people around her because she spread some nasty rumors about me and those that really knew me thought she was a desperate psycho in the end. She had to move and hang out in a different part of Miami she was scorned so bad. So getting a butt kicking is the last thing I would worry about. Besides, most people that study karate are taught to use it in self defense and it is considered illegal for someone with know karate skills to fight and hurt someone. The law looks at this as a 'weapon'.
superjules superjules 9 years
If you're really serious about him and he feels the same about you, I would suggest carrying a nice, big bat at all times. And look into some home security protection. Be careful..
Cycy Cycy 9 years
Oh no, guys with emotional baggage. It's HARD WORK. When I got together with my boyfriend he wasn't totally finished with his ex-gf, even though she was totally done with him and it had been two years since. LOTS OF EMOTIONAL TURMOIL, not to mention frustration and unhappiness. We're only recovering from it now after 1001 tearful discussions and ultimatums. I would say, do not get yourself into this.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 9 years
If you attack her from behind than you increase your chances of success. Can you fashion some sort of crude weapon? ;-) Never, ever, ever fight over a guy. She's obviously what he wants, so let her have him and move on... -the ceeg
Pinkperfectpixie Pinkperfectpixie 9 years
Is he recipricate of your feelings? Is she the only reason behind the failed attempts? Is he afraid for you? Two things can happen...let him be the one to tell her to take a hike, or two, go buy some mace and get on with it girl!!! Best of luck! :kiss:
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
i agree with vmrugy-keep on looking
vmruby vmruby 9 years
You shouldn't have to live your life like that if you should decide to become involved with him. My advice to you would be to keep your distance as far as a romantic relationship with him is concerned. Girls like her don't go away easily and they are big trouble.There are so many other decent guys out there like him with those same qualities and without the excess baggage( his crazy ex)......
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