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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: What A Cheapskate!

DEARSUGAR and Weirded Out Whitnie need your help. She is on the fence about a guy that she has been dating. Most recently, out of the blue he not only asked her for exact change when the bill came after dinner, but he charged her more because her meal cost more. What would you do if you were in her shoes?

Dear Sugar
I have been on about six dates with a guy who I am feeling just OK about. He is smart, he is sexy, he's fit and he's kind, but I guess he just also seems sort of immature. For one thing, he always talks about how much he hates it when girls get more drunk than him and so they can't be the designated driver after a date.

Most recently, he took me to a restaurant where they specialize in lobster. I was really excited because I had told him that lobster is my favorite meal. When the check came, he told me that I owed him $52.36. I admit that I was a little bit shocked that he asked not only for money, but for exact change.

The bill was actually $85 including tip, but he told me that since I ordered the lobster (he got a steak by the way), that I owed more money. On each one of our other dates, I've always graciously offered to split the bill, but he insisted on paying.

Is it me, or would this confuse anyone? I have to say he made himself look like a cheapskate and I think this may have been a deal breaker for me. Should I talk to him about this? Would you go out with him again? What do you think? Weirded Out Whitnie

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lms lms 9 years
I believe that he did it on purpose so that you would stop seeing him. He sounds really pathetic though. He should have just ended it, but guys don't really know how to do that in a mature manner. On another note...my mothers bf is ridiculously picky when it comes to money. If you owe him a nickel he expects it and if he owes you one he will make sure that you get it! It is actually annoying.
vmruby vmruby 9 years
That's just outright ridiculous. Get rid of him in a hurry......
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
I think is weird that he did break it down to a penny -- as for paying for dates this is 2007, he pays then I pay. I think you do not like him that much already so go your separate ways but not before telling him what he did.
carbizkate carbizkate 9 years
Get rid of the lame-o! While I do understand that it's not necessary for the guy to pay for every date, I think that if HE asked YOU to go to this restaurant, then he should fully expect to be paying for it, not making you give him the precise amount that your dinner cost. And it's not like you haven't asked before if he wanted you to pay. It's rude for him to just assume that you will have the cash handy to fork over in a situation such as this though. Every guy I have ever dated paid for all our dates for awhile, and when my fiance and I started dating he always paid for everything--I would have to force him to let me pay sometimes! Now we switch it up, but it's not fair for him to just come out of the blue and expect you to pay your share all of a sudden. What a toad! Who knows what sort of oddball behaviors will surface later? Get rid of him...there are plenty of better guys out there! Good luck!
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
Forget the dinner...if you find him "JUST OK" after 6 dates...what are you still doing with the guy????
GolferGirl GolferGirl 9 years
Very strange. Was the amount he asked for even correct? :) If it was and you want to see him again, I'd forget it. BUT if he figured the amount wrong AND I didn't like him NO WAY. Although if I didn't really like him and he'd already complained about needing a DD I wouldn't have got to the 6th date. That's just me.
kate_bee kate_bee 9 years
I am all for going dutch, but i feel pretty strongly that that means splitting it evenly. Going out to dinner with some is not about dollars and pennies. It's about spending time with someone, conversation, time together, and the food. The fact that he asked for exact change is, to me at least, rude and thoughtless. Since youre on the fence about him anyway, I say move on.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 9 years
I've heard more than my share of men whine about spending beaucoup bucks on dates. It can get expensive. Yes, I agree, he asked you out, but you've offered to pay on other dates, well, he decided to take you up on your offer. ;-) Personally, I would have just done him one better and paid for the entire meal. -the ceeg
Brittany14706805 Brittany14706805 9 years
ive been with my bf for almost 5yrs now and we always change it up. Sometimes hell pay sometimes ill pay sometimes we split. But!! when we first started dating and even after we were dating for awhile he wanted to pay for all of our meals. He wouldnt even let me if i wanted. which is how i think it should be. If i were you id talk to him about it and if he doesnt think what he did is weird or wrong theres plenty better out there for ya.
jc82 jc82 9 years
I would take this as a MAJOR red flag and ditch this cheapskate ASAP!
snowflake snowflake 9 years
Tell him to start washing dish's!
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 9 years
ew.. Leave him.. I personally do think it's nice for the guy to pay for the first couple of dates.. And wtf is with the girl getting more drunk then him thing.. I don't know him and i can't stand him.
arianell arianell 9 years
bah, insert a "guy" between "this" and "didn't"
arianell arianell 9 years
Marci, I'm also surprised by the number of girls who think it's appropriate for a guy to pay for several dates in a row. However, the fact that this didn't mention wanting to split the bill beforehand is totally weird and unacceptable.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
what ever the reason, if you find him just "okay" and have to ask about his behavior; he needs to go.
Marci Marci 9 years
Oh...sorry to repost! I forgot - it WAS weird that he broke it down to the penny, though. That's a bit much. And I guess he wanted to be able to drink as much as he wanted to, thus the designated driver comment. Soo....not a good sign there.
Marci Marci 9 years
I've been off the dating scene for a few years now but when I left, women were still pulling their weight financially datewise. But a lot of the posts here make me think that the girls expect the guys to pay for awhile? Is that right, or am I misunderstanding? If a guy asked me out, I'd let him pay on the first date, but after that I'd treat him the next time and it would just become a natural thing that we both paid at times. We're all out working for our money, so why should the guy be paying for x number of dates before a girl should even have to think about it getting out her wallet? Unless I'm misunderstanding what's being said here...
kittycat kittycat 9 years
i would not go on another date with him. he's too petty, thats a woman's job. petty guys are not attractive to me, forget stingy.
NNPW NNPW 9 years
I don't think that it was extremely wierd that he asked you to pay for half just one time, but the fact that he asked you for payment to the penny was odd. i'd ditch him. the comments about driving obviously mean he likes to get sloshed.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 9 years
angelbaby2, I'm glad you said it because, that's what I was thinking. I just worded my comment a little bit differently. :D
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
DITCH THE LOSER
Cali2747 Cali2747 9 years
This is 2007 girls, we can pay for ourselves when we order lobster. Although the right to the penny part is definitely uncalled for. Honestly what weirds me out more is the drunk comment. I'm all for having a glass of wine with dinner, but needing a designated driver...all the time??? That spells loser to me more than wanting a girl to chip in for her dinner.
stella84 stella84 9 years
TO THE LEFT TO THE LEFT
Kbrooks1122704 Kbrooks1122704 9 years
Sounds like a Seinfeld episode, definitely tell him this is making things awkward. He seems like he has a lot of problems with things and sound like he over observes situations and is a bit anal. If it's bothering you now it's gonna drive you nuts down the road. Tell him to cool it or hit the road!
Twitters Twitters 9 years
You beat me to it, colormesticky, lol. I'm not a fan of dutch, but I agree at least tell your date if there's a need to split the bill beforehand. This is just tacky. Especially to the last penny. Either this guy was raised by wolves, or he came up with a way to make a break without having to come right out and say it. Unfotunately for him if you've already discovered he's immature, then regretably, it's probably the former. Don't give him any more of your time, the lack of etiquette alone has made me pale.
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