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DEARSUGAR's Sunday Confessional

DEARSUGAR's Sunday Confessional

I've had a pretty wild (promiscuous) past. I used to drink and party quite heavily and was even into drugs for a period of time. I've been dating someone seriously and he knows about my history, but I've certainly sugar coated most of the really crazy stuff. The problem is that some of the guys that my boyfriend is friends with and I ran in the same circle back in the day.

His friends and I have joked around about past stories, but no one has really spilled the beans about me since they can see that I've evolved and that their friend and I are really happy together. I thought I was in the clear until recently, when I met a new (and very dear) friend of his that came to visit from out of town. As it turns out, I've had a foursome with him and we experimented with sex toys, drugs and the scenario involved bisexual relations.

I am not bisexual, it was just an experimental phase, but I am a liar. I ran into my past lover in the bathroom in the middle of the night and we agreed not to let my boyfriend know about this. I know it's wrong to lie, but I am afraid if he finds out, he'll dump me for being a promiscuous girl.

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t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
HAs he asked? Bc technically u havent lied to him yet by not telling him. U were never told u had to tell him every guy everything evert detail. Now that this new detail has come around maybe u need to ask him if he needs certain details. BC if it does slip it could be a shocker for him, but ur past is that and technically is none of his business he knows the gist of it thats what hes entitled to. My hubby knows numbers and one or 2 guys Ive pointed out bc somehow they knew each other but I didnt have to tell I chose to and if I didnt and he had found out he couldnt get pissed at me bc he never asked names and so on. But I think since it is a close circle u should ask him if he wants to know. GL Hun.
lovedirt lovedirt 9 years
I would tell him. And how long does one have a happy relationship with a liar? Grow up, tell him about it, and stop telling falsehoods, that is so juvenile!
Adriana42 Adriana42 9 years
well good luck with that one sista..maybe u should move out of that state to avoid running into..
highsociety1 highsociety1 9 years
As for your past -- there's nothing to be forgiven about -- you were young and wild; you're supposed to have fun, experiment, and go crazy. I'm suspicious of anyone who HASN'T had a wild past! But for the lying -- somehow, someday, that will come back to haunt you. If you value your relationship, it's best to sit down with him and come clean. Honesty is a major component to a solid relationship. If he decides to end the relationship because of it, it's better that it's done earlier on before you're even MORE attached, and it's better that you know now how judgemental he is. It will also be a lesson to you in the to be more forth-coming with future significant others.
sjpwannabe sjpwannabe 9 years
you can't change your past. either this guy is mr right or mr right now. if you want him to be mr right then he needs to know it all--if he is mr right now then you can be selective with what you tell him as you feel it is necessary.
tina_marie tina_marie 9 years
Honey31 what a small mind you have. People do all kinds of things they think are fun at the time, then as life goes on and they mature, what they thought was fun, is now not. You should not judge. As far as this situation goes, maybe you should tell your boyfriend that something has been weighing on your mind and that it has to do with how you USED to be. And then ask him if he wants dirty details or just that you have done some things that he may not understand, but that that type of lifestyle is NOT you any more. If he wants the dets then you tell and if he'd rather not know, then just move on. The best thing to do is remove yourself from all these people who would want to cause you trouble.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
I completely agree with Valeri. Shoot, I've done some drugs and craziness in my life, but who's business is that? What I want to know is why all of these past "friends" of yours are showing up. If you got involved with your bf knowing he was friends with these people you've been with, then that was a bad choice on your end. As long as they're around, you're going to keep on thinking about it and feeling guilty.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
he's your boyfriend and that's the end of it. why is he entilted to know every freaking thing about you and your past? you obviously had a sex life before you met him and you know what, he had one before you met him too. not telling ISN'T the same as lying in this case. something tells me your current boyfriend is getting the bennies of you experience, so what's the problem? if you had a criminal history, were at risk of have an std and hadn't been tested (or had been and weren't forthcoming with the results) that would be something he would be entilted to know, the rest is your business.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 9 years
If I were you, during some serious discussion, I would just say, "I think you should know that I've had a really 'bad'/whatever word you want to use past, but now that I'm with you I'm going to change it." that way you're being honest without letting him know exactly what happened.
Fiona Fiona 9 years
Your past is your past, you did nothing wrong so don't be sorry! I have done many things like you and don't regret any of them!! For the person that said "yuck" how judgemental of you, at least she has lived and experienced things! Don't be sorry about your past sweetie but I think you should fess up to your boyf, if he is the right man for you he will understand, otherwise you're going to be panicking about him finding out. You should tell him now before it gets too late xx
Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt Shiloh-Jolie-Pitt 9 years
Telling him every little detail about your past or not was your prerogative. But you shouldn't have lied. I don't know him but if I were in his shoes I would feel more offended by the lying than anything else.
popstar popstar 9 years
It's ok that she had a promiscuous past as long as it stays in the past and doesn't come back to haunt her or her bf. That's why I think she should be honest. I hope she was careful having fun in the past because her bf may suffer from what he doesn't know
Nicadema Nicadema 9 years
Everyone deserves to change and evolve into a more enlightened person--no matter what social rules of our puritanical culture they have broken. The past is in the past. He probably knows that more has happened in your past than you have told him anyway. Why would his friends need to disclose experiences they had with you years ago anyway? All of you were different people then. They now know that you have changed. If they can see that you are good for their friend and that he loves you very much, they aren't going to jeopardise the relationship with unnecessary truths. He doesn't need to be hurt with the full details. Not if you and these men can leave those experiences in the past and start again as just friends.
JK-Boogie JK-Boogie 9 years
The past is the past and I am sure he has done some crazy things he would like to forget. I had a wild time from about 18 to 22 which my boyfriend knows about because he asked. I am not ashamed of it it was all part of growing up. Never did drugs though
LaylaCams LaylaCams 9 years
She does.. At first I was like.. she doesn't look like Courtney LOVE. I was getting my Courtney's mixed up!
karmasabitch karmasabitch 9 years
Does anyone else think that Nelly F looks like Courtney Cox in that picture??
karmasabitch karmasabitch 9 years
Oh boy. Take it from me, secrets have a horrible way of being found out, so a good rule of thumb is always either 1. tell the truth to begin with or 2. come clean. Your situation goes beyond a normal withholding of info because so many people know, and that always makes things a LOT harder. If you're a changed person that is happy in monogamous trusting relationship, then you should be able to tell your man about your past and he should reserve judgement. You're a different person now and so you shouldn't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about what you've done. There's no need to go into minor details with your boyfriend, but to save yourself from possibly being "found out" and leaving him feeling lied to, talk to him. Think about how to word it so that he understands your past is your past, and you're not going to bring it into the present or into your relationship. And remember that no matter how much you trust these friends to keep your secret, there's a very good chance something will slip. Good luck! Oh and, I would say 100% forgive :) That's a hard one for sure!
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Wait, what are we forgiving/not forgiving? The lying to the BF or the past? I agree with angelbaby. Your past is your past. Its yours to share if you want to, but you don't owe it to anybody. Same goes for him. If he finds something out from other people and dumps you for it, well there's not much you can do about that.
eye173candy eye173candy 9 years
You were young. Just as long as you know whre your boundries are nowadays, I would forgive you. What is your Canadian addiction? Go to my blog 'Canadian Support Group' and share your rad habit.
angelbaby angelbaby 9 years
the past is past-nothing you can do to change that-usually my motto is don't ask-don't tell. but in this case you might have to since you were involved with his friend. good luck
honey31 honey31 9 years
Yuck!That is so wrong and dirty I cant believe people!
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