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Are Daddy Issues Real?

If you've ever listened to Dr. Drew Pinsky for an hour, you know a thing or two about daddy issues. While there's no question that the way we're raised and the people who care for us help shape who we are, the notion of daddy issues has always bothered me. I find it frustrating that every time a girl makes a bad decision regarding men, it must mean she has daddy issues, and every time a woman has a less-than-ideal relationship with her father, she'll always be attracted to that same kind of man.

I don't question that a relationship (or lack thereof) with your father can have a profound effect on your life, but I do not think that it necessarily means a woman is incapable of having a healthy relationship with a man. What do you think? Are daddy issues real?

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alia123 alia123 7 years
I think the reason everyone hates the word "daddy issues" is because the term itself seems to treat women like children. People don't walk around talking about how men have "mommy issues" even if it is an accurate portrayal of the situation. Like everyone else here, I think "daddy issues" are real, and they do not excuse, but often explain people's actions. Whether or not people choose to move past their past, their background still affects and influences who they are, either way. My father spent most of my life either criticizing me or ignoring me, and it's very much affected my self esteem. I always feel badly about myself, and am still working on growing a better opinion of myself. Thankfully, I am somewhat strong willed by nature and have never allowed myself to be pushed around, but I think that even that trait been borne out of my rebellion against my father. Because I had a very unhappy childhood, I can believe people when they blame their past for their problems. I think that people that say "just get over it" do not understand two things - One, that no matter how bad you think your situation is, some people have been faced with horrible things which you cannot relate to, and there is no way to know if you would fare better in that situation. Second, even if you have been through exactly the same thing and have taken the responsibility to decide your own future - God did not create everyone equal - some people are more sensitive than others by nature and have a harder time overcoming difficulties, and even this kind of genetic resilience is a matter of good luck and good fortune. Finally, sometimes you have other experiences in life that also define who you are. Friends, teachers, mentors, and colleagues can all make a difference-for those people that have gotten ahead with their lives, I am sure that there has been a defining relationship that has given you hope and made you see the light - so to speak. So for anyone out there with "daddy issues" there is hope! and the future does not have to resemble the past.
alia123 alia123 7 years
I think the reason everyone hates the word "daddy issues" is because the term itself seems to treat women like children. People don't walk around talking about how men have "mommy issues" even if it is an accurate portrayal of the situation. Like everyone else here, I think "daddy issues" are real, and they do not excuse, but often explain people's actions. Whether or not people choose to move past their past, their background still affects and influences who they are, either way. My father spent most of my life either criticizing me or ignoring me, and it's very much affected my self esteem. I always feel badly about myself, and am still working on growing a better opinion of myself. Thankfully, I am somewhat strong willed by nature and have never allowed myself to be pushed around, but I think that even that trait been borne out of my rebellion against my father. Because I had a very unhappy childhood, I can believe people when they blame their past for their problems. I think that people that say "just get over it" do not understand two things - One, that no matter how bad you think your situation is, some people have been faced with horrible things which you cannot relate to, and there is no way to know if you would fare better in that situation.Second, even if you have been through exactly the same thing and have taken the responsibility to decide your own future - God did not create everyone equal - some people are more sensitive than others by nature and have a harder time overcoming difficulties, and even this kind of genetic resilience is a matter of good luck and good fortune. Finally, sometimes you have other experiences in life that also define who you are. Friends, teachers, mentors, and colleagues can all make a difference-for those people that have gotten ahead with their lives, I am sure that there has been a defining relationship that has given you hope and made you see the light - so to speak. So for anyone out there with "daddy issues" there is hope! and the future does not have to resemble the past.
minithumbs minithumbs 8 years
i watched my father kill my mother when i was 2 along with my grandfather. that is just the start of my family problems. so yes daddy issues are real. i am on the verge of suicide because all my problems travel back to not having a father and there is nothing that can fix me.
FrankiLee FrankiLee 8 years
I really think it all depends on what went on in the father-daughter/father-son relationship during childhood/adolesence. I do think that the relationship you have with your father does have a certain impact on how you choose men to have a relationship with in the future, what you are like in the relationship, etc. My father cheated on my mother several times during their marriage, and finally they separated when I was in junior year of high school. My brother and I were aware that they were having problems before this. My father is a computer engineer, who programs fingerprinting and facial scanning systems for many different countries. He is definitely a workaholic. He was always gone from home, and when he was home, it was like he wasn't really "there." Since he was such a workaholic and never spent any time at home, he was hard to relate to when he was home, and we never had anything to talk about. It was always awkward and uncomfortable to talk to him. It felt like trying to make small-talk with a stranger. All of these factors have shaped the way that I am as a person in relationships with men. It is hard for me to let my guard down and really trust someone, and it is also hard for me to talk to my significant other about my feelings. Luckily I have a wonderful boyfriend who dealt with the same situations that I did as a child, and it has been relatively easier for me to talk with him. I believe that it truly all depends on each relationship. Everyone is different. Daddy issues definitely exist, but I don't think that they are always an excuse for every woman.
FrankiLee FrankiLee 8 years
I really think it all depends on what went on in the father-daughter/father-son relationship during childhood/adolesence. I do think that the relationship you have with your father does have a certain impact on how you choose men to have a relationship with in the future, what you are like in the relationship, etc.My father cheated on my mother several times during their marriage, and finally they separated when I was in junior year of high school. My brother and I were aware that they were having problems before this. My father is a computer engineer, who programs fingerprinting and facial scanning systems for many different countries. He is definitely a workaholic. He was always gone from home, and when he was home, it was like he wasn't really "there." Since he was such a workaholic and never spent any time at home, he was hard to relate to when he was home, and we never had anything to talk about. It was always awkward and uncomfortable to talk to him. It felt like trying to make small-talk with a stranger.All of these factors have shaped the way that I am as a person in relationships with men. It is hard for me to let my guard down and really trust someone, and it is also hard for me to talk to my significant other about my feelings. Luckily I have a wonderful boyfriend who dealt with the same situations that I did as a child, and it has been relatively easier for me to talk with him.I believe that it truly all depends on each relationship. Everyone is different. Daddy issues definitely exist, but I don't think that they are always an excuse for every woman.
jessy777 jessy777 8 years
I do not blame my father for my bad choices in anything. I take personal responsibility for everything I do. I think people who claim "daddy" issues like to place blame when things go wrong. My father abandoned my family when I was 13 years old (he was absent a lot until that moment) and I have seen him since. My relationships with men are as normal and dysfunctional as everyone. I do not believe in these issues and blaming my father for anything makes it seem like someone else has control over my life and that is not the case.
madamoiselle007 madamoiselle007 8 years
daddy issues are real...but its how you handle them. my mother did a great job filling in the void for me. i dont tolerate much from men, and that i learned from her. sometimes i see guys coming a mile away as well, and something in me still seems to gravitate towards them...i hold back though. its all a balance.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
my dad was (is) a ho-bag. and now no one can pull crap on me, because i see them coming a mile away. i think that this theory is varied. i think how our mother's deal with relationships is what f*cks us up. but that can be varied too.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
my dad was (is) a ho-bag. and now no one can pull crap on me, because i see them coming a mile away.i think that this theory is varied.i think how our mother's deal with relationships is what f*cks us up. but that can be varied too.
dameneko dameneko 8 years
strong, healthy, loving, and vibrant women who own their actions are not born. they are made. awareness is the first step, and friends and family can help immensely in this regard, but ultimately it is up to us to choose truth, love, life, living with integrity, and happiness for ourselves. seeing women who obviously do not love themselves can bring up a variety of reactions in people who consider themselves stronger than *that*...often these women remind us of people we know, or sometimes remind us of ourselves when we were broken and weak. while it may be very tempting to condescend upon these women for being vapid or weak, we must ask ourselves, "what does this accomplish?" does this improve the situation or feed our ego? YAY, we're "better"...now what? perpetual victims and chronic complainers need to ask themselves...are they doing anything to help their situation or are they feeding their need to be "right" by being wronged? i believe in tough love and holding others accountable for their actions, especially people who have used victimhood for too long to escape responsibility, but i believe this must be done in the spirit of helping another woman become strong, NOT showing how much "better" or "more evolved" one is. and by helping i mean helping people help themselves, which means letting people hit rock bottom on their own when they won't take responsibility for their lives. we were all young and dumb once, no? ~namaste~
dameneko dameneko 8 years
strong, healthy, loving, and vibrant women who own their actions are not born. they are made. awareness is the first step, and friends and family can help immensely in this regard, but ultimately it is up to us to choose truth, love, life, living with integrity, and happiness for ourselves. seeing women who obviously do not love themselves can bring up a variety of reactions in people who consider themselves stronger than *that*...often these women remind us of people we know, or sometimes remind us of ourselves when we were broken and weak. while it may be very tempting to condescend upon these women for being vapid or weak, we must ask ourselves, "what does this accomplish?" does this improve the situation or feed our ego? YAY, we're "better"...now what? perpetual victims and chronic complainers need to ask themselves...are they doing anything to help their situation or are they feeding their need to be "right" by being wronged? i believe in tough love and holding others accountable for their actions, especially people who have used victimhood for too long to escape responsibility, but i believe this must be done in the spirit of helping another woman become strong, NOT showing how much "better" or "more evolved" one is. and by helping i mean helping people help themselves, which means letting people hit rock bottom on their own when they won't take responsibility for their lives.we were all young and dumb once, no?~namaste~
Community-Manager Community-Manager 8 years
This is clearly a very sensitive topic and I must ask that everyone respect each other's opinion regardless if you agree to disagree. Please be sure to report any comments that are attacks on other members! thanks team
Community-Manager Community-Manager 8 years
This is clearly a very sensitive topic and I must ask that everyone respect each other's opinion regardless if you agree to disagree. Please be sure to report any comments that are attacks on other members! thanks team
bransugar79 bransugar79 8 years
I think daddy issues are very real. i don't however think they are an excuse for having a life filled with turmoil and bad relationships. I have not had a good relationship with my father and it has manifested itself in my past relationships. but at some point we all have to make a decision as to whether we are going to let our pasts rule our future. For a long time I felt ugly and unworthy and I didn't believe I would ever find a man that would want to be around me for life. I had to do alot of soul searching and go through some heartbreak and pain before I figured out that my da's problems are his. I am NOT the reason he abandoned me, he is. I can't do anything to change who he is or the fact that he chooses not to be responsible for his decisions. All I can do is be the person that I am and put my all into being a loving caring avialable human being that someone will love. I have found someone that I know I will spend the rest of my life with and I am glad that when I have daughters they will not have to deal with the same feelings of worthlessness.
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