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Dating With HPV

Group Therapy: New Dating Partner and HPV

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!


I have been dating this wonderful guy for the last two months and we were going to get intimate for the first time last night. He goes on to tell me that he does not want to because he has HPV and does not want to infect me. Little does he know that I also have HPV. I didn't tell him because I'm embarrassed, but he was so honest with me. HPV — not warts, the one that effects the cells — is the one we both have.

What's the best way to handle this?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Sweet-Words Sweet-Words 5 years
You've got nothing to fear since he has it too. And pay no mind to judgmental bitches
hexentanz hexentanz 5 years
This post makes me sick to my stomach.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
HOLD YOUR HORSES. There's a hundred different strains of HPV, several of which cause cervical cancer. That means there's a chance you guys don't have the same strain, and could infect each other AGAIN. It means giving twice the work to your immune system, that's probably already struggling to get rid of that nasty virus. And we're talking cervical cancer here. So OF COURSE you should tell him you have it, because even though it's a most embarrassing confession, you owe your partners a heads' up (if more women told their guys about it, more guys would actually know they're infected - since they don't show any symptoms -, and maybe 80% of women in the world wouldn't get HPV) - and you especially owe THIS partner a head's up, since he was cool and honest with you. And even though it's not 100% safe against HPV, USE CONDOMS. It sucks to meet someone who's got the same disease you do and still have to use protection, but your 50 year old self will thank you when her pap smear doesn't come back with terrible news. Good luck! And don't worry, there's light at the end of the tunnel. I caught 3 different strains of that shit, and I beat them all. You'll be fine!
karlotta karlotta 5 years
HOLD YOUR HORSES. There's a hundred different strains of HPV, several of which cause cervical cancer. That means there's a chance you guys don't have the same strain, and could infect each other AGAIN. It means giving twice the work to your immune system, that's probably already struggling to get rid of that nasty virus. And we're talking cervical cancer here.So OF COURSE you should tell him you have it, because even though it's a most embarrassing confession, you owe your partners a heads' up (if more women told their guys about it, more guys would actually know they're infected - since they don't show any symptoms -, and maybe 80% of women in the world wouldn't get HPV) - and you especially owe THIS partner a head's up, since he was cool and honest with you.And even though it's not 100% safe against HPV, USE CONDOMS. It sucks to meet someone who's got the same disease you do and still have to use protection, but your 50 year old self will thank you when her pap smear doesn't come back with terrible news.Good luck! And don't worry, there's light at the end of the tunnel. I caught 3 different strains of that shit, and I beat them all. You'll be fine!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Were you not planning on being upfront with him? I'm confused on your level of respect for this man. He did a really honorable thing by telling you and you still didn't tell him about yours. To be quite frank, I find that very inconsiderate and irresponsible. Anyway, regardless of that, it's really important that you talk with him about your own HPV. And like Helen Danger said, if you're both still interested, use a condom.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Were you not planning on being upfront with him? I'm confused on your level of respect for this man. He did a really honorable thing by telling you and you <i>still</i> didn't tell him about yours. To be quite frank, I find that very inconsiderate and irresponsible.Anyway, regardless of that, it's really important that you talk with him about your own HPV. And like Helen Danger said, if you're both still interested, use a condom.
juicebox07 juicebox07 5 years
He was upfront with you, so there is no reason you couldn't have done the same. What's to feel embarrassed about? He has it too. Plus, any time you plan to be sexually active, you should be upfront right away if you have something like this.
EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
You have to tell him if you have sex with him, end of. Any new breakout of HPV after a certain amount of time (I think it's 3 years, maybe somebody else knows for certain?) is considered a new case. If he respects you enough to be honest with you, you owe him the same, either by telling him the truth or letting him find someone who does respect him enough to be honest.
EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
You have to tell him if you have sex with him, end of. Any new breakout of HPV after a certain amount of time (I think it's 3 years, maybe somebody else knows for certain?) is considered a new case. If he respects you enough to be honest with you, you owe him the same, either by telling him the truth or letting him find someone who does respect him enough to be honest.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
If you aren't ready to talk about it, you aren't ready to do it. And I certainly hope you aren't working some sort of bad math in your head, like: HPV + HPV = no condom or something. That would be really dumb. You'd end up with a baby. And maybe a brand new strain of HPV.Talk. Talk more. Then use a condom if you're both still interested.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
If you aren't ready to talk about it, you aren't ready to do it. And I certainly hope you aren't working some sort of bad math in your head, like: HPV + HPV = no condom or something. That would be really dumb. You'd end up with a baby. And maybe a brand new strain of HPV. Talk. Talk more. Then use a condom if you're both still interested.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
He sounds like a good guy for declining and deciding to come clean with you. I agree with the others that you should've let himand just curious on how did you handle it when he admits to you about him having HPV...Did you react rather negatively or pretend as if you don't know about it or you perhaps withhold the truth? I mean, it won't even be a question if you've had the honest open talk with him about your situation as well. Another thing to consider, if you've not yet felt comfortable with being open with him about your health status or having that intimate conversation, maybe you're rushing intimacy. Perhaps some thinking is needed here, you may want to reconsider if you're ready to be in a relationship with him. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
He sounds like a good guy for declining and deciding to come clean with you. I agree with the others that you should've let himand just curious on how did you handle it when he admits to you about him having HPV...Did you react rather negatively or pretend as if you don't know about it or you perhaps withhold the truth?I mean, it won't even be a question if you've had the honest open talk with him about your situation as well. Another thing to consider, if you've not yet felt comfortable with being open with him about your health status or having that intimate conversation, maybe you're rushing intimacy. Perhaps some thinking is needed here, you may want to reconsider if you're ready to be in a relationship with him.Good luck.
pstandst pstandst 5 years
I think you should tell him as soon as possible that you were too embarrassed but that you have the same thing. I guy who cares enough about you to stop before being intimate to tell you the truth is worth being honest with. Then hold on to him for dear life. Good luck!
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Some strains of HPV are super fricking common. Unless you've never had sex, you've likely contracted it at some point without even knowing it. OP, you can't be embarrassed about honest communication in a relationship. Regardless, use a condom.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Some strains of HPV are super fricking common. Unless you've never had sex, you've likely contracted it at some point without even knowing it.OP, you can't be embarrassed about honest communication in a relationship. Regardless, use a condom.
jenkrum jenkrum 5 years
You may know this, but HPV has different strains, some of which can cause cervical cancer. So, it wouldn't be a good idea to just assume that since both of you have HPV that it's okay for you to have unprotected sex. He made himself vulnerable and was up-front with you about it, why would you be embarrassed to do the same?
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
You got the STD from a lack of discretion and wisdom before, so, why not see the error of your ways and live a more traditionally moral life? What would you have to lose? Maybe another STD? And, to think, you were not going to tell him! Just infect him and let it go. You should get some boundaries and consideration in your life.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
You got the STD from a lack of discretion and wisdom before, so, why not see the error of your ways and live a more traditionally moral life? What would you have to lose? Maybe another STD?And, to think, you were not going to tell him! Just infect him and let it go. You should get some boundaries and consideration in your life.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
Why would you not be up-front with him when he was up-front with you? That, to me, shows a pretty serious lack of respect for him.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
The time for embarassment is over, he has what you have so there's no reason to hide your STD status. Tell him you're infected as well & get jiggy like you want. However, keep in mind that just because you both have HPV already doesn't mean you can have unprotected sex, there are still other things you can catch & you should protect yourself.
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