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Dating Regrets Advice

Group Therapy: I Wish I Could Take Back Everything I Said

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I tried to start dating someone only 2 weeks after ending a 6-year, serious relationship. Obviously, it didn't go well. My head was all over the place. We fell out of contact for a bit, then I ended up asking for a casual/FWB relationship (although we hadn't even had sex yet). He said "maybe" because of some legit concerns related to our sports team's strict no-dating policy, and because he was not sure our feelings/expectations would end up lining up afterward. Later I told him "hey you can just say no if you aren't up for seeing each other again, it's not a big deal," and he kept insisting "no, no — it's just not good timing for me right now."

Honestly, I feel like he shied away because he doesn't just want casual sex with me and did actually want more. Now all I want is to tell this guy the things I never said. "I didn't want to make you my random rebound, that's why I initially said I needed to 'take things slow' and wouldn't sleep with you early on. But now I've had time on my own to figure stuff out, and all I know is I had fun hanging out with you and would like to do it again." I want to take back everything I said about only wanting a casual relationship. I just think we could be PERFECT together.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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holisti holisti 4 years
My ex treated me so well that I really don't understand this. Men talk to you, act romantic and sweet for multiple days even if they never want to actually commit to you? how on earth are you supposed to tell the difference?! although I guess this guy was only inviting me to last minute group plans, & calling me over late at night... maybe that was my clue if he didn't want to see me one-on-one.
holisti holisti 4 years
I just got bored with my ex but I knew deep Down- KNEW- he was the most solid man in the world who would love me forever. Haha, isn't this hilarious. He told me The other guy sounded like a jerk all along. He was there for me to pick up the pieces, write me texts reminding me I'm Worth so much more & he's proud of me for backing out of sleeping w the guy. Now he's dating someone else bc he says he needs to "learn from my experiences like u did." but just this past week he went out to a bar w me, kissed me. I don't know maybe he still does love me too
holisti holisti 4 years
I just got bored with my ex but I knew deepDown- KNEW- he was the most solid man in the world who would love me forever. Haha, isn't this hilarious. He told meThe other guy sounded like a jerk all along. He was there for me to pick up the pieces, write me texts reminding me I'mWorth so much more & he's proud of me for backing out of sleeping w the guy. Now he's dating someone else bc he says he needs to "learn from my experiences like u did." but just this past week he went out to a bar w me, kissed me. I don't know maybe he still does love me too
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
You broke a sincere man's heart to obsess over another who doesn't even want to be with you. You make women look REALLY bad, and I hope you know that. 6 years probably wasted with a man who even you said you were in a proper relationship with. Are you saying you don't want a proper relationship anymore? Because forcing yourself on this guy is going to give you just that. You're ASKING for drama, and being anywhere CLOSE to this guy is definitely not going to be 'safe', especially fory our emotional well-being, which probably doesn't even exist anymore. Or ever. You need to get over the fact that you made the wrong moves, he realized a second too late that he didn't want a stalker, and get on with your sorry excuse of a life. You asked for advice five fucking times. We gave it to you. For the love of PUPPIES AND KITTENS get your ass off this forum, or move on with your life. You're pissing everyone off with your ridiculous excuses to fuck a jackass.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
You broke a sincere man's heart to obsess over another who doesn't even want to be with you. You make women look REALLY bad, and I hope you know that. 6 years probably wasted with a man who even you said you were in a proper relationship with. Are you saying you don't want a proper relationship anymore? Because forcing yourself on this guy is going to give you just that. You're ASKING for drama, and being anywhere CLOSE to this guy is definitely not going to be 'safe', especially fory our emotional well-being, which probably doesn't even exist anymore. Or ever. You need to get over the fact that you made the wrong moves, he realized a second too late that he didn't want a stalker, and get on with your sorry excuse of a life. You asked for advice five fucking times. We gave it to you. For the love of PUPPIES AND KITTENS get your ass off this forum, or move on with your life. You're pissing everyone off with your ridiculous excuses to fuck a jackass.
holisti holisti 4 years
I went on a real dTe this weekend and now I can tell the difference more than before, guuys who are happy to plan dates and spend time with u not just late at night... I see that this other guy simply was never willing to work for a relationship in the same way. So then why would I take casually hanging out w him over 20 dates w someone else? When I told him I was happy w sex and once weekly hangouts, I wasn't lying. I was in a proper relationship for years w a man who treated me well and was "safe." I just don't want to replicate that same feeling right now..: but I STILL couldn't get myself to have sex w that guy when I didn't think he'd still b around in the morning.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
If he seriously wanted to be with you, he'd have made it happen. Stop making excuses for the jackass of a guy who couldn't be straight forward with you. My man had a chance to work with Elise Estrada and he turned her down because he wanted to go to a concert with me. A week later, he asked me out. If a man wants something, HE WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET IT. WHen you turned him down for sex, he made his decision right there: you're not worth his time. Don't tell me because he was drunk, he couldn't have made any decisions...BULLSHIT. If he were really interested in you, HE WOULD WORK HARDER. But he didn't, and you answering his call when he was drunk, whether or not you knew it...he never wanted a relationship with you. Get that in your tiny little head, PLEASE. He didn't want to commit to you to begin with! He just wanted SEX!!!!!!1111
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
If he seriously wanted to be with you, he'd have made it happen. Stop making excuses for the jackass of a guy who couldn't be straight forward with you. My man had a chance to work with Elise Estrada and he turned her down because he wanted to go to a concert with me. A week later, he asked me out. If a man wants something, HE WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET IT. WHen you turned him down for sex, he made his decision right there: you're not worth his time. Don't tell me because he was drunk, he couldn't have made any decisions...BULLSHIT. If he were really interested in you, HE WOULD WORK HARDER. But he didn't, and you answering his call when he was drunk, whether or not you knew it...he never wanted a relationship with you. Get that in your tiny little head, PLEASE. He didn't want to commit to you to begin with! He just wanted SEX!!!!!!1111
holisti holisti 4 years
If i were wring
holisti holisti 4 years
If i were wring
holisti holisti 4 years
He probably just freaked out because we were playing on team together at the time and he knew how much Trouble he would Get in. Plus after I turned him down for Going to his bedroom, he figured I wasnt that into him Anyhow so he backed off waiting for me to make the moves. But he doesn't even want a relationship right now... Basically he'a scared of commitment and needs Time to process s it all.
holisti holisti 4 years
He probably just freaked out because we were playing on team together at the time and he knew how much Trouble he would Get in. Plus after I turned him down for Going to his bedroom, he figured I wasnt that into him Anyhow so he backed off waiting for me to make the moves. But he doesn't even want a relationship right now... Basically he'a scared of commitment and needs Time to process s it all.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
Don't take that crap. It's BECAUSE you did that makes you an idiot. You gave up your respect for yourself for a lame excuse of a gentleman, which is what ALL women deserve, no matter how stupid they are He tried to be polite. And as mentioned two dates don't mean ANYTHING. If he seriously wanted you, he would have contacted you by now. That's the simplicity of guys: either they want it or they don't. And if they want it, they know how to get it. Women analyze this sort of thing TOO MUCH, and you went WAAAAY over the cliff. More than any human being would. What is it you want to hear, holisti?! For us to tell you to go get him? Because we suggested that too and you STILL don't want to accept that. There have been suggestions for mental counselling, and personally, I think you'd do all of us the biggest possible favor if you invested in that. And for heavens sake. I'm not one to force advice on anyone, but YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME OF THIS ADVICE! If you don't take all of it, fine. 2% would do. Seriously.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
Don't take that crap. It's BECAUSE you did that makes you an idiot. You gave up your respect for yourself for a lame excuse of a gentleman, which is what ALL women deserve, no matter how stupid they are He tried to be polite. And as mentioned two dates don't mean ANYTHING. If he seriously wanted you, he would have contacted you by now. That's the simplicity of guys: either they want it or they don't. And if they want it, they know how to get it. Women analyze this sort of thing TOO MUCH, and you went WAAAAY over the cliff. More than any human being would. What is it you want to hear, holisti?! For us to tell you to go get him? Because we suggested that too and you STILL don't want to accept that. There have been suggestions for mental counselling, and personally, I think you'd do all of us the biggest possible favor if you invested in that. And for heavens sake. I'm not one to force advice on anyone, but YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME OF THIS ADVICE! If you don't take all of it, fine. 2% would do. Seriously.
holisti holisti 4 years
Why is my judgment so pathetic? "He held my hand, gave me his jacket to wear & then keep... He must genuinely like me. No other alternative." All I was hoping for in our last conversation, was for him to basically admit his true colors. Then I could end all speculation and just get mad avout being played. But no, of course he gives me the kind smile & the refusal to just agree we shouldn't hang out outside of games again.
holisti holisti 4 years
Why is my judgment so pathetic? "He held my hand, gave me his jacket to wear & then keep... He must genuinely like me. No other alternative."All I was hoping for in our last conversation, was for him to basically admit his true colors. Then I could end all speculation and just get mad avout being played. But no, of course he gives me the kind smile & the refusal to just agree we shouldn't hang out outside of games again.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
He's a jerk, and you're an idiot. Plain and simple.
holisti holisti 4 years
Oh ok now what u said makes sense! I thought u were implying he wanted a relationship w me up until, like, our last conversation. Ha. Because I realize now that a guy who wants a girl as his GF wiuldve taken what I said and told the girl, "listen it's fine," & he would've suggested going out for dinner or coffee instead to avoid making the girl feel like he was "only" interested in coming over for sex. Though I still maintain this guy is weird for not simply saying "ya we can't go out ever again bc of the sports team, a few people are already onto us I think," or another excuse. He has totally legit excuses he's failing to use instead of just "no no, just bad timing now..." because knowing circumstances it's so very possible for thT to be true & we both know it.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
He got drunk to test you. You didn't give him what he wanted (SEX.) so he said 'Aiite dawg, I'm outta here.' When you kept asking him for more (RELATIONSHIP), and for something he didn't even want to begin with, you freaked him out. BIG TIME. He's just telling you all that aftermath stuff because he's trying to get you to leave without having to be mean. Keep this up, and he WILL get mean. Like I did. I'm done being nice to you because you refuse to give up on a guy that is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. In fact, I'll stick around, just to yell at you more if you'd like. Keep posting. Let's do it.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
He got drunk to test you. You didn't give him what he wanted (SEX.) so he said 'Aiite dawg, I'm outta here.' When you kept asking him for more (RELATIONSHIP), and for something he didn't even want to begin with, you freaked him out. BIG TIME. He's just telling you all that aftermath stuff because he's trying to get you to leave without having to be mean.Keep this up, and he WILL get mean. Like I did. I'm done being nice to you because you refuse to give up on a guy that is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. In fact, I'll stick around, just to yell at you more if you'd like. Keep posting. Let's do it.
holisti holisti 4 years
how did i do that though?! honestly.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
When you made yourself look like a stalker.
holisti holisti 4 years
at what point did he "change his mind"?
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
He liked you, tehyn changed his mind. It's in his head taht you're stalking him. You lost your chance. If you get into a serious relationship within the next year or two, you're going to screw yourself over. Someone said that you need to find yourself, and I agree. 6 years off the market...if you keep your focus on men like you are now, you're going to lose yourself. Your self-respect is already gone. Don't fuck up anymore. And for the record, I'm NOT sorry I'm being harsh. You've already crossed the line as far as posing this 5 TIMES (thank you BW for the fix) and everyone's getting annoyed. I know I am, and if you STILL don't get it, I'm unsubbing too. Final answer.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
He liked you, tehyn changed his mind. It's in his head taht you're stalking him. You lost your chance. If you get into a serious relationship within the next year or two, you're going to screw yourself over. Someone said that you need to find yourself, and I agree. 6 years off the market...if you keep your focus on men like you are now, you're going to lose yourself. Your self-respect is already gone. Don't fuck up anymore. And for the record, I'm NOT sorry I'm being harsh. You've already crossed the line as far as posing this 5 TIMES (thank you BW for the fix) and everyone's getting annoyed. I know I am, and if you STILL don't get it, I'm unsubbing too. Final answer.
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