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Dating Someone in Debt

Group Therapy: Should I Stay With a Guy Who Has Huge Debt?

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

A few months back I befriended a guy who I was immediately attracted to. He is a doctoral student at the same university I just graduated from with my bachelor's degree. He is kind, loves animals, holds intelligent conversations with me, and is a musician, just to name some of his great traits. He is not my type in the sense of physical looks (he's shorter than me), but nevertheless I have still felt a connection with him. We have grown rather close and at a much faster pace than I allow most people into my life. I believe we both feel the same way about each other, but are hesitant to do anything due to our circumstances.

The problem is this: he is in wicked debt. I'm talking six figures. He is only 27, and I'm 22 so this is astonishing for me to comprehend. He was engaged about a year ago, and it was called off because his ex cheated on him. He bought the ring and also co-signed a loan for her to attend nursing school, which she dropped out of after they broke up and never repaid the loan. He acknowledges that he made a poor choice in co-signing that loan and not actively pursuing her for financial reimbursement, but he is so far into debt that I doubt it would matter at this point. He has creditors constantly calling and threatening him, but doesn't know what to do now. I don't know if it is wise to enter a relationship knowing that he is so far in debt. But, at the same moment, I think that it is too early to say whether or not it's that important to me. Also, what if he were "the one?" Would finances stop you from pursuing a great relationship?

So my question is do I begin a relationship knowing this might be an issue if our relationship lasts, but not worry about it till I reach that point? Or do I just put an end to my feelings before I get in too deep?


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