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Daydreaming Too Much

Group Therapy: I'm Constantly Daydreaming, but Not Living

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've really wasted the last few years of my life. I'm 24 and still a student at a community college (at least I'm transferring next semester to finish up my degree though). But other than that, I have nothing to show for myself, because I spend all my time isolating myself and daydreaming about things I want to happen instead of actually going out there and making them happen in reality.

The last year has been the worst because I've moved back home with my parents (literally in the middle of nowhere . . . it's a 30-minute drive to even find a grocery store), and money is soooo tight right now. I can barely afford the gas to get to school and back, even though things will be getting better financially this summer. So instead of making friends, or dating, or discovering new hobbies, I just sit at home online in my own world biding my time until I transfer schools in the fall.

But it's become such a natural thing for me that I worry that transferring and moving out isn't going to make a difference in the way I live my life. It's gotten to the point where I don't even remember what having a life feels like, and that really frightens me. I don't want to look back in another few years and be as regretful as I am now. Does anyone have any advice?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
The advice I had in a nutshell-perhaps you have a low grade depression going on. Usually feelings of anxiety about tackling the "real world" can lead to inertia. Sometimes creative people do not know how to find their niche in the world and it leads to feelings of frustration thus the depression. You are right in not wanting life to pass you by.Join a group that you can attend one a week or over the weekends. It can be a book club, writer's group, sports club, woman's group, meditation group, chorus....the choices are vast. Hop in your car and go to a Barnes and Noble Cafe or something similar where you can chill for a couple of hours outside of the house. Go on long walks or even jogs with your Ipod-to clear your mind and stay fit. This can be very therapeutic and you will feel like a new person after a brisk walk or a run. The key is to get moving, get the energy flowing, the blood pumping. One poster was correct in saying your parents will not be around forever. Try to make the most of this temporary time with them. Learn new recipes and cook together, have meals together watch Netflix/Movies together. A couple of years ago I had to temporarily move in with my Grandad who lives in an isolated area as well.I had money issues as well. I was not crazy about the situation but I made the best of it. He had a lot of wisdom to share and we did some of the things I mentioned above. He even gave me advice on my love life! Hey, he was young one too and experienced a lot in his lifetime. Know that this period is temporary and when your folks are no longer around you will look back on these days and miss them. Also when you get a chance counseling might help you get at the root of what's holding you back in life. You are right to be concerned. You are not going to be young forever and you don't want to look back and have tons of regrets over what could have been. Start working on this NOW. You can do it. :)
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
The advice I had in a nutshell-perhaps you have a low grade depression going on. Usually feelings of anxiety about tackling the "real world" can lead to inertia. Sometimes creative people do not know how to find their niche in the world and it leads to feelings of frustration thus the depression. You are right in not wanting life to pass you by. Join a group that you can attend one a week or over the weekends. It can be a book club, writer's group, sports club, woman's group, meditation group, chorus....the choices are vast. Hop in your car and go to a Barnes and Noble Cafe or something similar where you can chill for a couple of hours outside of the house. Go on long walks or even jogs with your Ipod-to clear your mind and stay fit. This can be very therapeutic and you will feel like a new person after a brisk walk or a run. The key is to get moving, get the energy flowing, the blood pumping. One poster was correct in saying your parents will not be around forever. Try to make the most of this temporary time with them. Learn new recipes and cook together, have meals together watch Netflix/Movies together. A couple of years ago I had to temporarily move in with my Grandad who lives in an isolated area as well.I had money issues as well. I was not crazy about the situation but I made the best of it. He had a lot of wisdom to share and we did some of the things I mentioned above. He even gave me advice on my love life! Hey, he was young one too and experienced a lot in his lifetime. Know that this period is temporary and when your folks are no longer around you will look back on these days and miss them. Also when you get a chance counseling might help you get at the root of what's holding you back in life. You are right to be concerned. You are not going to be young forever and you don't want to look back and have tons of regrets over what could have been. Start working on this NOW. You can do it. :)
SeriousGlamourGurl SeriousGlamourGurl 4 years
I think that in your position at the moment your kinda stuck. But take this time as down time in order to prepare for when you transfer in fall. And know that your not alone in feeling isolated. I moved to the CBD of a new city, managed to make virtually no new friends and failed high school. All in one year. Don't beat yourself up I do what you do every day and I live right the center of things, not 30 mins from anywhere :) Also if you are really worried then make a commitment to change and don't ever think that you are stuck one way, its amazing what a decision to have a different mindset can do for you.
lickety-split lickety-split 4 years
You got a lot of living to do. You're going to have a BIG life, this is one small part. For me, I notice looking back, that periods like you're having now (calm, relaxing) are followed by periods of extreme living. In other words; rest up.Think of all the things ahead of you. Love, faIly, career, travel, passion,
lickety-split lickety-split 4 years
You got a lot of living to do. You're going to have a BIG life, this is one small part. For me, I notice looking back, that periods like you're having now (calm, relaxing) are followed by periods of extreme living. In other words; rest up. Think of all the things ahead of you. Love, fa Ily, career, travel, passion,
daisy23 daisy23 4 years
So if you spend a lot of your time online you should nip that in the bud. I know how that is and for daydreamers it can be too easy to escape. Also it wont help that all you see are people doing what you want to be doing. It sounds like you are lonely right now. Its ok to be that way. Embrace it until fall. Write, go out and take walks into the woods and enjoy nature, cook for your family etc. it doesn't have to be big things and nothing has to be accomplished. There is no contest.
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
I apologize. I had advice for you and the website posted an old post of mine over here. Please disregard the above post. I will rewrite my advice pertaining to your situation when I get the chance. Sorry again :(
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
Never diminish who you are to make others comfortable. I'm very attractive and tall and have experienced the some of the things that you mentioned. One of the things that works for me is my sense of humor. I used to to be more shy, like you.Understand that you will never please everyone. People will dislike you or be jealous for reasons that have nothing to do with you, it's them. That's a tough thing to come to terms with. If you are creative and talented I'm sure you've got lot's of interesting things to say, so speak up! A pretty but boring girl is a turn off to a lot of men. It might not be that all guys are necessarily intimidated, they just might see you as the pretty girl with nothing to say. Looks are not everything. In the past I've had a couple of guys go for a woman that might have been deemed less attractive but they had more things in common and were outspoken and not afraid to show their intelligence. Guys like confident women. When I say confident, I don't mean belligerent,obnoxious and rigidly opinionated, but a woman who can hold her own in a conversation.Like your Mom my mother was and still is a very beautiful woman but she always taught me to not focus on that. She stated no matter how pretty you are you walk down the street or go somewhere and there's always going to be someone prettier. I know a woman that looks like Alicia Key's, she very attractive but that's not her calling card. She's smart as hell, not so insecure where she feels she has to be dolled up all of the time and she has no problem giving another woman a compliment. My advice is to forget about the haters, they will always be there. Focus on the people that you care about and who's opinions matter. Have intelligent and real conversations. Be your charming and intelligent self around people, show you are interested in them too .Don't be a braggart but do not play yourself down. The more confident people who you want to be around anyway, will gravitate towards you. As for the rest, who needs super insecure people around them, anyway? Good riddance to that. I know it sucks but you can't control other people and their negative projections of you. Realize this and don't focus on them. Focus on the positive people. Good luck.
searching-soul searching-soul 4 years
Never diminish who you are to make others comfortable. I'm very attractive and tall and have experienced the some of the things that you mentioned. One of the things that works for me is my sense of humor. I used to to be more shy, like you. Understand that you will never please everyone. People will dislike you or be jealous for reasons that have nothing to do with you, it's them. That's a tough thing to come to terms with. If you are creative and talented I'm sure you've got lot's of interesting things to say, so speak up! A pretty but boring girl is a turn off to a lot of men. It might not be that all guys are necessarily intimidated, they just might see you as the pretty girl with nothing to say. Looks are not everything. In the past I've had a couple of guys go for a woman that might have been deemed less attractive but they had more things in common and were outspoken and not afraid to show their intelligence. Guys like confident women. When I say confident, I don't mean belligerent,obnoxious and rigidly opinionated, but a woman who can hold her own in a conversation. Like your Mom my mother was and still is a very beautiful woman but she always taught me to not focus on that. She stated no matter how pretty you are you walk down the street or go somewhere and there's always going to be someone prettier. I know a woman that looks like Alicia Key's, she very attractive but that's not her calling card. She's smart as hell, not so insecure where she feels she has to be dolled up all of the time and she has no problem giving another woman a compliment. My advice is to forget about the haters, they will always be there. Focus on the people that you care about and who's opinions matter. Have intelligent and real conversations. Be your charming and intelligent self around people, show you are interested in them too .Don't be a braggart but do not play yourself down. The more confident people who you want to be around anyway, will gravitate towards you. As for the rest, who needs super insecure people around them, anyway? Good riddance to that. I know it sucks but you can't control other people and their negative projections of you. Realize this and don't focus on them. Focus on the positive people. Good luck.
secondstar secondstar 4 years
I was in a very similar situation last year, so I decided to be productive and keep my mind busy. I spent my free time catching up on reading a bunch of the classics that I'd always meant to. I went to the library, but if you have a Kindle or other device you can get everything from Jane Austen to Kafka for free of under $1 on amazon.
Pistil Pistil 4 years
What do you want to do? Some things aren't going to be feasible right now, but there are plenty of hobbies that don't require a lot of money or resources to try. Learn how to paint, cook, yoga, crochet. You can find How-tos online for virtually everything.Or get offline. It's a real time-sucker. Limit the amount of time you spend online everyday and find something more creative or productive to do with your time. It just takes some will power.Volunteer. You'll be doing something useful with your time and you'll meet people.
Pistil Pistil 4 years
What do you want to do? Some things aren't going to be feasible right now, but there are plenty of hobbies that don't require a lot of money or resources to try. Learn how to paint, cook, yoga, crochet. You can find How-tos online for virtually everything. Or get offline. It's a real time-sucker. Limit the amount of time you spend online everyday and find something more creative or productive to do with your time. It just takes some will power. Volunteer. You'll be doing something useful with your time and you'll meet people.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
Your situation is what it is for now. Accept that, knowing it will all be changing in a few months, and look at what's around you NOW. You're living with your parents, and I don't know what your relationship is like with them, but don't take their company for granted. I know it's not the same as people your own age, but I'm in my mid 20's as well, and my folks are in their 60's. They're not going to be around forever. Know where you're going, and be full steam ahead, but don't forget to treasure where you are. Get off the computer and spend some time with your folks while you're in this in between stage.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Commit to being a vegetable until Fall then. Whenever you get an impulse to go out and do something, say "Nope. Can't do that til Fall. I'm stayin put!" Someone's got to do all the daydreaming in this world, and if that's what you have to offer, so be it! If you concentrate so much on what you SHOULD be doing, you won't appreciate what you actually are doing. It's all up to you. And that's an opportunity not a burden. In the Fall you can become a new creature. Or not. Again, your call.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Commit to being a vegetable until Fall then. Whenever you get an impulse to go out and do something, say "Nope. Can't do that til Fall. I'm stayin put!" Someone's got to do all the daydreaming in this world, and if that's what you have to offer, so be it! If you concentrate so much on what you SHOULD be doing, you won't appreciate what you actually are doing. It's all up to you. And that's an opportunity not a burden. In the Fall you can become a new creature. Or not. Again, your call.
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