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Dealing With Jealousy Over a Guy Friend

"I'm Jealous of the Attention My Guy Friend Gives My BFF"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So my best friend and I share the same guy friend. He and I had our differences in which we haven't spoken for years, but so did my best friend and him. Now we're all on talking terms. He already has a girlfriend he is planning on marrying. The thing is — why does he seem to treat my best friend better than me? He makes an effort to meet her whereas with me, even though he came all the way to my campus, he made no effort. On chat, we speak quite frequently but he replies to my best friend instantaneously on WhatsApp but doesn't even read my messages on BBM until at least an hour later. Am I missing something? I am about as good a friend to him as she is to him so I don't understand why he'd treat me differently, like he's not even interested in talking to me. None of my guy friends have ever been that rude in terms of reading my texts when it suits them. This has really depressed me to the point where I struggle to even function normally at times.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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henna-red henna-red 4 years
You seem to be comparing your your other relationships and to those of your friends. Why? Relationships aren't a competition. They aren't some kind of race, or measure......they aren't all equal.....and that's normal. Some people connect on levels that others don't....that's just the nature of humanity. You seem to be measuring yourself by how other people treat you, or react to you, rather than by setting yourself a consistent standard of behavior,and meeting that, or by finding goals and working to achieve them..... So long as you look at your relationships as some sort of competition, you won't have real, sincere relationships. And expecting every person in your life to respond to you in an equal way to every other person is unrealistic. Expecting every person in your life to respond to you in the way you want them to is unrealistic. I think, perhaps, you may want to take a look at relationships in your life, and the role they play. A friends role is not only to support your ego. And sometimes you just have to accept that someone isn't that into you......just life.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
Vevetta gave the best advice, but I'll point out the obvious: you're depressed because you realize he isn't at all as into you as a friend as your other friend. That does hurt. For it to affect you that much though, are you into him as a guy? That might actually be the bigger problem. You might actually need to grieve the loss, especially with him getting married. Sorry, I know it has to be really painful to 'lose' him in so many ways...
vevetta vevetta 4 years
honestly the only answer you could ever hear here would be an assumption. The best thing would be to just ask him.
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