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Dealing With a Shy Boyfriend

Group Therapy: He Acts Weird Around Other People

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

We both love spending nights indoors, cooking dinner, drinking wine and watching a movie or listening to music and dancing, but when we decide to go out or we are invited to some party, we go out, say hi, congratulations . . . we're here, nice party, bye bye!

So, I recently noticed something strange, I think he doesn't feel as comfortable around people as alone with me in our place. I knew from day one he's shy around people, and finds it difficult to hug or kiss when others might see us. I dealt with this and no problem. But last time we attended a friend's party (friend of mine), my BF was making sure he put his arms around me, asking me to feed him his chocolate cake, kissed me and hugged me all the time, touching my waist and face and made sure everyone noticed this! That's not him, and if you think he might be getting with the atmosphere, NO. Once we were out, he sighed and couldn't wait till we were home to turn some music on and make dinner for us.

Next party, he saw me talking to someone and the man was so polite, but my BF gave them that "go away" face. I don't know what's wrong with him. I talked to him and said "I myself love staying home together, or going out to some private place, not necessarily a party, but if I wanted to go to some party and he didn't that's not a problem for me." We're not gonna fight over such a thing "just say no . . . no problem." But I know he cares about what I like so he wouldn't refuse. Now, he's not getting along with male friends, he's shy around women, how can I avoid embarrassment?!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dark-chocola dark-chocola 5 years
Anjelica..i feel you got it! i mean i think that's what this is all about.. thank you all very much thank you egyptianmusk
dark-chocola dark-chocola 5 years
Anjelica..i feel you got it!i mean i think that's what this is all about..thank you all very muchthank you egyptianmusk
Anjelica4100 Anjelica4100 5 years
ok shut up about the parties ok. the is is that your boyfriend just loves you alot and he is just a little bit jealous when it comes to seeing you with your male friends. he just kisses you and hugs you a little too much when your around other guys because he just wants to prove to everyone that you are already taken. and when it comes to women being around him he only acts shy to prove to you that he is not interested in them and that he is only interested in you.
egyptianmusk egyptianmusk 5 years
He sounds like a sweet guy but he is just a bit introverted and acts insecure. Good thing is he is not afraid of expressing his love for you in public. Some shy guys I know of can really have trouble displaying affection in front other people and it bothers their girls. When your boyfriend is giving the "go-away" face to guys you are talking, obviously he is a little jealous. Shy guys usually need a lot of attention, not from everybody, but just from the few they truly care. It is a difficult situation. He is a grown man and it really depends on how much he's willing to acknolwedge his problems. It's tricky to have an open discussion about this issue. What I would suggest is just pay extra attention to him when you two have to attend gatherings/parties, always make sure that he knows your attention is not diverted from him completely. Be more supportive and involve him into your conversation when you talk to other friends, and compliment on him in front of others. He needs confidence and reassurance.
egyptianmusk egyptianmusk 5 years
He sounds like a sweet guy but he is just a bit introverted and acts insecure. Good thing is he is not afraid of expressing his love for you in public. Some shy guys I know of can really have trouble displaying affection in front other people and it bothers their girls. When your boyfriend is giving the "go-away" face to guys you are talking, obviously he is a little jealous. Shy guys usually need a lot of attention, not from everybody, but just from the few they truly care. It is a difficult situation. He is a grown man and it really depends on how much he's willing to acknolwedge his problems. It's tricky to have an open discussion about this issue. What I would suggest is just pay extra attention to him when you two have to attend gatherings/parties, always make sure that he knows your attention is not diverted from him completely. Be more supportive and involve him into your conversation when you talk to other friends, and compliment on him in front of others. He needs confidence and reassurance.
dark-chocola dark-chocola 5 years
Well, I think ill stop suggest going to parties after all i enjoy beach and restaurants and home more often..Thank you very much, now i found my answer
dark-chocola dark-chocola 5 years
Well, I think ill stop suggest going to parties after all i enjoy beach and restaurants and home more often.. Thank you very much, now i found my answer
Burkina Burkina 5 years
He sounds extremely introverted. At parties he tries to be someone he is not. I don't quite get the clingyness and the showing off. You should tell him to cool it and next time say that he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to.
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 5 years
I'm with searching soul. Your boyfriend sounds a bit like me. I prefer small groups. Crowds intimidate me. I'm sure that social anxiety is definitely the reason behind his behavior. If he seems very clingy and possessive sometimes, it could be that he is intimidated by the environment of the party. I know it might be annoying to you, but you should try to find ways to deal with this together. Relationships are about compromise and working together so that BOTH people are happy. Sounds like he's just really shy and insecure. He would rather be alone with you instead of other people. I hope it works out!
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
Some people just don't like parties. Maybe he had a bad experience at one or the whole large group thing does not appeal to him. Some people enjoy one on one, or small group interactions. It does not make your boyfriend wrong, just different than you. Personally, I would go without him if he is uncomfortable. I don't see the issue of going alone unless you are going to parties all of the time. There is nothing wrong with an occasional outing without your significant other. His shyness probably causes him social anxiety. This is something you are going to have to accept about him if you want to be in a relationship with him. If his social anxiety is so bad it's keeping him from bonding and forming lasting friendships with people other than you, perhaps some counseling is needed for him to get to the root of his issues. Good luck.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
Some people just don't like parties. Maybe he had a bad experience at one or the whole large group thing does not appeal to him. Some people enjoy one on one, or small group interactions. It does not make your boyfriend wrong, just different than you. Personally, I would go without him if he is uncomfortable. I don't see the issue of going alone unless you are going to parties all of the time. There is nothing wrong with an occasional outing without your significant other. His shyness probably causes him social anxiety. This is something you are going to have to accept about him if you want to be in a relationship with him. If his social anxiety is so bad it's keeping him from bonding and forming lasting friendships with people other than you, perhaps some counseling is needed for him to get to the root of his issues. Good luck.
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