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Dear Poll: Have you Ever Ended a Friendship Like This?



I think it is safe to say we all have "difficult" friends, but I bet you didn't know just how bad they can be for your health! According to a study preformed by psychologists at Brigham Young University, simply being in the presence of someone you have a love/hate relationship with will not only elevate your heart rate and blood pressure, but they will generally leave you on edge.

Since it is inevitable that we have more than a handful of "ambivalent" friends, cutting all of them out of your life probably is easier said than done, but what I want to know is, have you ever broken up with a platonic friend before? Have you ever felt the need to distance yourself from unpredictable or unreliable friends?

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MamaD MamaD 9 years
Toxic friends as well as toxic family members are those people who will take any opportunity to kick you when you're down and revel in the knowlege that you are sad or upset. They offer no support and when things are going well for you, will begrudge every happiness that comes your way. At this point in my life ( I'm probably a lot older than most of you...) I have cut out the people who would tear me down. My mother's saying"with friends like that, you don't need enemies" is what I live by now. I no longer seek out female friends. I have about 5 VERY good friends and that's it!!! My male friends have never treated me the way some of the other female ones have. So my advice to all of you is weed through your "friends", get rid of the toxic ones and cherish the supportive few!!! I know I do!!!
Nouveau-Jackie-O Nouveau-Jackie-O 9 years
Reading through all these messages has been strangely comforting. When you go through something like this you can feel very much alone. I've been through two toxic friendships and they have left a mark on me. To this day I tend to keep most women I meet at arms length, because I don't want to go through all the drama and pain again. What I couldn't stand was the backstabbing. I would ask them to be honest with me and talk things out. They agreed to, but always preferred telling everyone else, but me when they were angry. There were also instances of one friend #1 playing me and friend #2 against each other. I finally got so sick of it that I cut them off. As painful as it was, it was the best decision I could have made.Being in those relationships I soaked up a lot of negativity. Now I'm a lot more positive about myself. I'll hear of them through other people, and nothing has changed. The players are different, but the game remains the same. I'm just glad that I decided not to play anymore:)
DanaBana DanaBana 9 years
Wow....this has got to be the BEST advice post on dearsugar that i've actually been able to relate to. I'm currently in college and i live off campus in a city 8 hours from my hometown so when i decided to "breake off" a friendship with 2 girls whom i was best friends with for the past 3 years, it was the lowest point in my life. I think it was probably harder than breaking up with a boyfriend. I felt lonely and alone because after i decided i no longer wanted to keep in contact with them, our mutual friends woulnd't invite me anywhere fearing it would be too "awkward" for everyone involved. It wasn't an easy thing to do, especially since alot of our mutual friends acted immature and thought they were "caught in the middle". To this day, I don't regret ending the friendship at all, it was definetly a toxic friendship with 2 very toxic people, but I just wish I didn't have to deal with backlash from people who weren't involved.
salmae24 salmae24 9 years
My ex-roommate was like this. Everytime i had a fight with my boyfriend she would always tell me i told you so, and tell me that ultimately it was my fault for what was happening to me. I know already that we bring upon circumstances to ourselves but to have someone who is supposed to be one of your closest friends tell you that it is all your fault just makes things worse. Ex boyfriends are like this too, i have one or two that still give me a headache from the high blood pressure that comes with uncertainty of thier supposed friendship.
lemuse20 lemuse20 9 years
Omg yes. I had a friend that could be so much fun to hang out and laugh about stuff with, but she was horribly overly sarcastic and a horrific liar - it was a long story how I came to find out she lied to me, but I tried to give her a second chance and I realized that old habits die hard and she wasn't going to change. It was hard to sever the ties of a semi-tight 5 year friendship, and it was horrible because people usually associated us together with everything, but I didn't want to make a scene about it or stoop to her level, instead just distanced myself from her, it took a few attempts but she finally got it that I -really- didn't want a friendship with her anymore. I haven't talked to or even seen her in 2 years. I'm so glad you posted this, for the longest time I thought I was the only one!
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
I tend to avoid them but I haven't really cut any of them out of my life completely...
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
I lost a couple friends simply because we grew apart. At first we had so much in common, then I felt like there was a big gap in between our lives that was just not working.
Pink_Lipstick Pink_Lipstick 9 years
I feel a lot better reading these comments here, because I recently ended friendships with two of friends and I thought there was something wrong with me. One friend who I've known since childhood, married my fiance`'s brother last year (I know, the horror, right?) after they'd only known each other for a few months. When I tried to talk her into not rushing into the marriage, she went and told everyone--my future mother-in-law included--that I was jealous because she was getting married before me and that I was trying to ruin her wedding. In actuality, I was concerned about her. More things happened after that and I've since stopped having contact with her, but it's hard with her in the family now and sometimes I just want to give in. I know that wouldn't be right for me though. The other friend is someone I've known since high school (I'm almost 22 now) and she was actually supposed to be my Maid of Honor in my wedding. But, her second year of college, she joined a sorority and became obsessed with money and superficial things. She would ask me to go shopping with her and she would buy $100 shoes right after I had talked to her about how hard things were for my fiance` and I financially. She just didn't "get" me anymore and when I tried to talk to her about it, she said I was being silly. So, I distanced myself from her over time because I couldn't keep feeling bad about myself like that.
rubialala rubialala 9 years
Actually, I hardly have any friends because I usually find their "fatal flaw" fairly quickly and don't pursue the relationship any further. Not that this is a healthy way to live, but it's my defense mechanism.
miss-britt miss-britt 9 years
I love my friends darely and it's hard to let some of them go. But at the end of last school year. Two friends i had become really close to completely back stabbed me-by harassing me. Eventually i had to stand up and stop everything and break it off. I couldn't believe these two girls i trusted so much would do such a thing. And another friend of mines, i'm thinking about breaking the friendship just because she's a lot older than me but can be so immature. It's annoying but i think we've been friends for 13 years. So i don't know what i'm going to do.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 9 years
aren't choices one and two the same thing? I do both... exorcise toxic people (even close family) and surround myself with positive folks. I've had to cut out my own sis, because she just always goes out of her way to start some drama. a simple 'hello' will send her flying into a rage. i love her, but being around her is a huge energy taker and completely negative. sad, but necessary. i even give my extended family very little of my time. it seems NONE of them can ever find anything nice to say. i give them 3 chances, then on the 3rd insult I leave. I've never been a family function for more than an hour.
Nessyliz Nessyliz 9 years
I picked other, because the person that is an ambivalent "frenemy" to me is my mom. Just to be clear, I'm 24 years old, so I think I'm at the age where I can be friends with my parents. I love her and we're very close, but she's extremely conservative and basically has a problem with everything I do. She also has major problems with paranoia. She accused me of being on drugs, (not true!) just because I'm skinny, agnostic, and I dress differently. (Always have been skinny and "punk" btw, since I was about 13.) She used to be really cool and have great taste in music, and she was a good parent who set limits and instilled a good work ethic in me. I know she loves me. I just never have any idea when she is going to freak out over nothing. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I can't cut her out of my life, she's my mom!
CillaB8 CillaB8 9 years
This is something I have really struggled with. I have a few friends I have known for a very long time, but over the past few years, I have felt us move apart to a place where I feel I am not treated respectfully sometimes. They are definitely unpredictable, "ambivilant" friends. Ironically, I have referred to them as my "obligation" friends before because we only seem to get together out of a sense of obligation. While this is not the relationship I want with anyone, I still cling to the hope that we will grow out of this phase and into one that brings us all back together.
greeneydmonster greeneydmonster 9 years
wow, i cant believe its completely unanimous, which is sad but reassuring. i had one friend who i became really close with my first year of college, only to find out she was sleeping with the guy i really liked behind my back and all the while encouraging me to stay away from him because he was bad for me. turns out she was right, but i had to cut them both out. we kept trying to make up and i forgave her, and then she did it again! same guy and everything. then this year she spread a bunch of rumors about me saying i was a slut and that i was hooking up with all these people. it was really sad. some of my friends think she may be obsessed with me. we're friendly, but i will never trust her or tell her anything about my life ever again.
partysugar partysugar 9 years
Yes, I have distanced myself from a few people I used to hang out with in college because I woke up and realized they were turning me into a person I didnt want to be.
boxem180 boxem180 9 years
i've done it before and sometimes it feels good, sometimes it rips your heart out. i've done it three times and i only regret one time. the other two times have been worthwhile as i was being mistreated and i felt so much better after. it's a matter of self-protection and there's nothing wrong with it.
rlveronica rlveronica 9 years
Wow, completely unanimous!
bookgirl bookgirl 9 years
Yeah, a couple of them. The hardest one was the girl that used to be my best friend. We were really close, then she got a boyfriend. Instead of spending time with me she would constantly be with him, and lie to her parents about where she was. She'd say she was with me and actually be with her bf. I didn't like being used, plus whenever we were together all she could talk about was her boyfriend. I had a boyfriend too, but knew how to manage my time and see everyone. She also talked about myself and our other close friends behind our backs. None of us talk to her anymore.
missro21 missro21 9 years
I have had to break up with two friends.The party girl -- only wanted to hang out to party. Otherwise I never heard from her. And the mother -- was bossy and self centered (she was an only child too.) I have found that friends are like relationships. You learn something from each one, but all friends are not "friends" and all are not meant to be life long.
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
I had a friend in high school that I had to let go. She didn't have the best home life and my parents treated her like one of their own. We were very close for awhile, but then everything in her life became this big drama. There was always something I needed to help her fix. After all of the constant crying, whining, and no real friendship in return I had to let it all go. It was the best decision I could make for myself.
eaker eaker 9 years
I'm terrible about burning bridges, as in I do it all the time. However, it has ended up being for the best. Some people just really aren't good for you.
Beth1122 Beth1122 9 years
I've let toxic friends go, but not an actual friendship breakup, just kind of weeding them out of my day to day life.
onesong onesong 9 years
i just broke up with one of my best friends...it's sad but it's better to cut it off cleanly than waste your emotional energy.
HistoryGeek913 HistoryGeek913 9 years
I have had to let one toxic friendship die out. There wasn't a big confrontation, I just stopped making any effort to contact her or see her. Perhaps if she grows up we'll be friends again, but honestly, I am not holding out hope.
sass317 sass317 9 years
My parents took custody of my best friend in high school bc both of her parents were alcoholics- she loved being with us at first,but after awhile she began to resent us bc we had always had a normal happy family and she hadnt. She got into drugs and eventually moved out. I had no contact with her for over 5 years before she got clean and apologized to my mother for everything she did. Then one Thanksgiving she called me to wish me Happy Birthday and asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. I said yes and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding too. Sometimes you just have to let people go and hope that they one day realize that everything you did was bc you loved them- just like my friend did.
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