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Dear Sugar Needs Your Help: He Doesn't Express His Feelings

Dear Sugar Needs Your Help: He Doesn't Express His Feelings

Dear Sugar and Needing More Attention Amanda need your help. She's been married for six years and he doesn't express how he feels. How can she get her man to open up?

Dear Sugar,

I've been married for six years and I know my husband loves me very much. He's a caring person, but his only problem is that after we got married, he stopped expressing his feelings. I'm very demanding and always asking for love (physical as well as emotional), and he's very simple and reserved. He never says I'm good looking or anything anymore. He doesn't go out of his way to do things that show how much he's thinking of me. It makes me feel like he doesn't appreciate me. When he doesn't tell me how much he loves me, it hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad about myself. How can I get him to be more expressive and loving?

—Needing More Attention Amanda

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dontknowwhy dontknowwhy 6 years
Every woman on this planet needs to feel LOVED and IMPORTANT in a mans life, if she doesnt feel that she will find someone who DOES give her that attention!!! Thats why so many women go off on affairs......to feel WANTED!!!
dontknowwhy dontknowwhy 6 years
Every woman on this planet needs to feel LOVED and IMPORTANT in a mans life, if she doesnt feel that she will find someone who DOES give her that attention!!!Thats why so many women go off on affairs......to feel WANTED!!!
getstinko getstinko 8 years
GlowingMoon hit it on the nose. My first reaction is you are too needy and why do you need him to help you validate your self-worth. Try backing off with the needies and I'll be he starts expressing it - right now he's probably freaked that you are soooooo needy for it.
TFS TFS 8 years
i think alot of girls can relate to this problem (weither thier married or not) it seems to be an on going problem with males not showing their emotions. because thats the cool thing to do these days isnt it boys... my last boyfriend would give me all the attention god sent when we were in bed, but in public etc he wudnt even hold my hand or look at me. the last time we were with eachother he wouldnt even kiss me goodbye. i can see why girls are now giving up on relationships.
TFS TFS 8 years
i think alot of girls can relate to this problem (weither thier married or not) it seems to be an on going problem with males not showing their emotions. because thats the cool thing to do these days isnt it boys... my last boyfriend would give me all the attention god sent when we were in bed, but in public etc he wudnt even hold my hand or look at me. the last time we were with eachother he wouldnt even kiss me goodbye. i can see why girls are now giving up on relationships.
red4bonez red4bonez 8 years
talk to him about it. Tell him that you miss being called beautiful and you need to be appriciated. But think about it, does he do small things that you don't notice but to him that is how he expresses his love for you? But eaither way I say talk to him about it, it can't hurt and maybe you will get something out of it. And hey if you are happy you do things for him that make him happy. So yeah. Good luck.
rachaelnexus rachaelnexus 8 years
I agree with GlowingMoon ,it´s a common mistake among women that when you find a man you have to try to change him, just accept your loved one by the way he is, he loves you and you know it, you´re a lucky woman :)
sweetnshy5282 sweetnshy5282 8 years
I agree with Jennifer76...sometimes men just don't express things like we do. But all those little considerate things he does is his way of saying "I am thinking about you and I care". Men are very different from us, we don't always get them and they hardly ever get us. But you know that he really loves you and just because he doesn't say the words all the time doesn't mean he doesn't show his emotions in other ways. The feelings are still there whether they are spoken or not.I would still talk to him about it, though. It probably won't change him forever, but you'll feel better getting it out there and as citizenkane said it might get a couple days worth of extra love and affection out of him.Also, don't let anyone make you feel like you're being too needy or controlling....every girl wants their man to tell them that they are wonderful and beautiful and that they mean the world to them everyday. It's only natural to need that kind of reassurance and appreciation. Good Luck!
sweetnshy5282 sweetnshy5282 8 years
I agree with Jennifer76...sometimes men just don't express things like we do. But all those little considerate things he does is his way of saying "I am thinking about you and I care". Men are very different from us, we don't always get them and they hardly ever get us. But you know that he really loves you and just because he doesn't say the words all the time doesn't mean he doesn't show his emotions in other ways. The feelings are still there whether they are spoken or not. I would still talk to him about it, though. It probably won't change him forever, but you'll feel better getting it out there and as citizenkane said it might get a couple days worth of extra love and affection out of him. Also, don't let anyone make you feel like you're being too needy or controlling....every girl wants their man to tell them that they are wonderful and beautiful and that they mean the world to them everyday. It's only natural to need that kind of reassurance and appreciation. Good Luck!
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 8 years
You said that you know they he loves you very much. So clearly, he is showing you how much you mean to him in his own way.
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
Everybody expresses love, people just do it in different ways. Rather than try to conform him to your own personal style, you might see if you can figure out his style. It may not seem romantic, but a guy who ducks his head in your car at night and runs it to the gas station to fill you up is expressing his feelings for you. Just one example...
sogracefully sogracefully 8 years
talk to him about the things you're feeling (without accusing him of not being ________ enough). this isn't necessarily indicating that he hates your guts, probably just that he's more comfortable and in the routine now. if you can't work it out after that, see how you feel about going to counseling as a couple.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
You can't change somebody else. You just can't. Go to couples counselling if you feel he needs to express his love in order to validate your self-worth.. =/
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
You can't change somebody else. You just can't.Go to couples counselling if you feel he needs to express his love in order to validate your self-worth.. =/
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Maybe he's uncomfortable expressing emotions? I'd find it odd to go from cuddly and warm to cold. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you love me why don't you show me?
Marci Marci 8 years
Some people express their emotions easily, some don't. If he used to be more expressive then you should have a heart to heart with him and ask him why it's different now. But if he was always that way, then you should just accept that this is the way he is.
Marci Marci 8 years
Some people express their emotions easily, some don't. If he used to be more expressive then you should have a heart to heart with him and ask him why it's different now. But if he was always that way, then you should just accept that this is the way he is.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
<<When he doesn't tell me how much he loves me, it hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad about myself. How can I get him to be more expressive and loving?>>You're presuming HE has a problem, and HE needs to change?Have you ever considered you may be too needy? You feel bad about YOURSELF if he doesn't tell you he loves you. Your self-worth is based on someone else's words?? That's a lot of control you're giving to someone else, your husband notwithstanding.Besides, you know your husband "loves you very much." You already know. I don't understand why you need to be reminded so much (your quote "very demanding and always asking for love"). Again, you seem very emotionally needy to me. Again, I don't think your husband has the problem. I think you do.Sorry, if I seem too blunt, but you did ask for advice.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
<> You're presuming HE has a problem, and HE needs to change? Have you ever considered you may be too needy? You feel bad about YOURSELF if he doesn't tell you he loves you. Your self-worth is based on someone else's words?? That's a lot of control you're giving to someone else, your husband notwithstanding. Besides, you know your husband "loves you very much." You already know. I don't understand why you need to be reminded so much (your quote "very demanding and always asking for love"). Again, you seem very emotionally needy to me. Again, I don't think your husband has the problem. I think you do. Sorry, if I seem too blunt, but you did ask for advice.
Merlin713 Merlin713 8 years
I'm in a similar situation. The one thing my boyfriend doesn't do is show his emotions. I agree with those above saying that guys just aren't as emotional as we are. We have to deal with that.However, just talking about it and making him more aware of exactly how you feel will maybe help things out. Also, try not to cry. He might focus on the you crying part, and think that there's nothing he can do. When I talked to my boyfriend about how I feel about how he doesn't show his emotions or talk about things like I do, all he said was, "I know, I just have never been that way. I don't know why, and I don't know if that will ever change." In your question you said that after you guys got married is when he stopped expressing his feelings. Maybe he thinks that because you are married you know he loves you because he is still there, and he feels like that should say a lot. Just let him know how you feel. Don't keep it in. And men are the way they are, and don't try to change them. My Dad has been telling me that for years now. I'm pretty sure it's true.
Merlin713 Merlin713 8 years
I'm in a similar situation. The one thing my boyfriend doesn't do is show his emotions. I agree with those above saying that guys just aren't as emotional as we are. We have to deal with that. However, just talking about it and making him more aware of exactly how you feel will maybe help things out. Also, try not to cry. He might focus on the you crying part, and think that there's nothing he can do. When I talked to my boyfriend about how I feel about how he doesn't show his emotions or talk about things like I do, all he said was, "I know, I just have never been that way. I don't know why, and I don't know if that will ever change." In your question you said that after you guys got married is when he stopped expressing his feelings. Maybe he thinks that because you are married you know he loves you because he is still there, and he feels like that should say a lot. Just let him know how you feel. Don't keep it in. And men are the way they are, and don't try to change them. My Dad has been telling me that for years now. I'm pretty sure it's true.
citizenkane citizenkane 8 years
I totally feel your pain. My boyfriend is the same way about 99% of the time. It is few and far between when I get some emotion out of him. But...I knew this going into the relationship. I can be pretty high maintnance when it comes to attention, so I just TELL HIM when I am feeling emotionally neglected. That will get a good day or two out of him. Guys just aren't as vocal as we are. If you know he loves you and is faithful to you, then that's the main thing.
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