DearSugar and Stuck Sasha need your help. She's found the man of her dreams, but he's not ready to make a commitment. While he says that he wants to settle down one day, she's not sure if she can trust such a vague promise. Should she hold out for the love of her life to one day be ready, or should she cut her losses and hope to find another man who's more stable for her future?
I have been with my current boyfriend for one year. I'll start off by saying he is someone I can really see myself marrying. We have a wonderful, loving relationship. He is one of the most trustworthy, caring, and dependable individuals I have ever met. Our sex life is simply amazing, and we share many of the same passions. I am in my mid twenties and he is seven years older than me. He is an established musician and was recently away on tour, which left me a lot of time to myself to think. I started to get this anxious feeling about "where this is going." I know that we haven't been together very long in the grand scheme of things, but I started to get very worried about our future. Since the early months of our relationship, he has made it very clear that he does not anticipate being financially or emotionally ready to get married and have children within the next five years. Since I am only three years out of college, I hadn't even been thinking about settling down, so this declaration was never an issue. However, while he was gone, it really made me start to panic. I started to wonder if he will ever be ready to settle down. His music is his passion and I would never want to take that away from him, but he just seems so content constantly traveling and networking that I don't see him wanting to settle down with me — even after five years!
The dilemma this creates for me is that in five years, I'll be in my thirties and ready to have a husband and a family. I'm afraid that if I stay with him, I will end up with a man who won't commit, and I will have wasted my chance to find love in my 20s. I've tried to talk to him about this, but he stands by his decision. He says that he loves me, and that he thinks he will eventually have a family, but he can't promise anything. He's a free spirit and says that he has no idea what his life holds. He says he wants to be with me, but he understands if I'm not willing to take a gamble on my future. This is in no way an issue of trust — I have never trusted a man more than I trust him. He is not the type that would ever cheat — he is a loving, honest man, which is why he won't make me a promise he can't keep. What should I do? Gamble with my ultimate goal of having a husband and children in order to stay with my perfect guy or cut my losses and try to move on while I still have the chance?