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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Join the Threesome?

Dear Sugar and Flattered Fran Need your help!

Okay so I’m in a sticky situation. About 2 months ago, my best friend (I've known her since middle school) met the most amazing guy. He’s just my type, actually, blond curly hair, blue eyes, and has a runner’s body. He’s adorable but he’s an artist (I prefer the more professional type). He’s really spontaneous and adventurous. She tells me all these wild stories, and I’m really happy for them, but I have to say I’m a little jealous.

The other night I went out to a bar with them and we all got pretty tipsy. They walked me back to my apartment and I invited them inside to continue the festivities. We were all sitting on the couch, laughing and joking around, and my girlfriend looked at me and said something like "I love you. You're my best friend," and she went to kiss my cheek, but she totally lost her balance and ended up kissing my mouth." We fell over on the floor laughing about it, and I said "I love you too," and I kissed her directly on the lips, just to be funny. They stayed and we watched TV for a little while, and then they walked home.

I had completely forgotten about it until she and I had lunch a few days later. After we ordered, she told me that her boyfriend thought our kiss was really hot and he wanted to ask me if I would be interested in joining them in the bedroom - in a threesome.

I am not that adventurous in the bedroom, but something sparked my interest and I feel kind of flattered that they asked me. If I were to have a threesome with anyone it would be them, but I'm just worried that it'll make things weird between her and I after the fact. And what if they want to do it again and I don't want to? Or what if I start having feelings for my friend's boyfriend? What should I do?

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everthewild everthewild 8 years
DON'T DO ITTTTTTTTTTTT! Please! I had a friend in a similar situation, and the outcome was they broke up and she lost her best friend. He also cheated on her with the best friend after the threesome because he thought it was okay.If you don't want to ruin 2 relationships, don't do it.
everthewild everthewild 8 years
DON'T DO ITTTTTTTTTTTT! Please! I had a friend in a similar situation, and the outcome was they broke up and she lost her best friend. He also cheated on her with the best friend after the threesome because he thought it was okay. If you don't want to ruin 2 relationships, don't do it.
millarci millarci 8 years
First thing I want to say is off topic, but an artist is A PROFESSION. There is nothing unprofessional about being an artist. Just because we don't wear a suit to work every day does not make it unprofessional. Sorry that really ticked me off.Secondly, don't do it. Threesomes are ALWAYS a mistake if not everyone wants to do it. I've done a threesome with two guys and me (Long story...don't ask). It was a mistake and I knew that going in. All people involved have to be WILLING to do it. If you're not, then don't.
millarci millarci 8 years
First thing I want to say is off topic, but an artist is A PROFESSION. There is nothing unprofessional about being an artist. Just because we don't wear a suit to work every day does not make it unprofessional. Sorry that really ticked me off. Secondly, don't do it. Threesomes are ALWAYS a mistake if not everyone wants to do it. I've done a threesome with two guys and me (Long story...don't ask). It was a mistake and I knew that going in. All people involved have to be WILLING to do it. If you're not, then don't.
koolbr33z3 koolbr33z3 9 years
Don't do it! You'll regret it and you could end up losing a really good friend.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Believe me, tis not all its cracked up to be.
socialitebabe socialitebabe 9 years
NOO! In my opinion they're completely slutty. Sex is better left with just a guy and girl who completely care and trust about eachother. But in today's society, sex is the new handshake.
wasabigizmobunny wasabigizmobunny 9 years
I guess there are enough comments to kill a bull but here's my 2 cents : it will definitely get awkward with your friend. That is not to say you two will not be able to get over it in the long run but there will be some tension after the fact, especially if you are not 100% comfortable with your sexuality.
Beaner Beaner 9 years
Hmmm... I'd set up some rules and talk about it first. And then, hey, why not?
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 9 years
Don't do it. That's all I have to say.
tralala2 tralala2 9 years
I forgot to mention one thing, the best threesome I had was with a close girl friend of mine and a Swedish guy we thought was hot. The Swede was a mutual acquaintance of ours, and we had been planning an attack on a guy we mutually thought of as sexy as a kind of exploration and excitement. This was also in a very wild and free time in our lives. We would never do this again, in fact now we giggle about it, but at the time it was fun and interesting. There is definitely an openness and close bond between us where we can talk about any sexual problems, etc. And as for the rest of experiences, well, some didn't turn out so great, but we were trusting and humorous enough with one another that we didn't think twice about it, but knew we had a good story to tell, and a good laugh, if anything. All of them involved condoms and acquaintances (very good for breaking the ice), keep in mind. Something with your best friend and her boyfriend might be toooo intense, so pace it out, ponder and talk about it more with your best friend.
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
Skip it. Trust, it will probably not be good for either of you in the long run!
tralala2 tralala2 9 years
I've had 2 threesomes and one orgy, all with best girlfriends and boyfriends and friends. If you are interested, take it into consideration, but think about the fact that things are going to change afterward. You can also think about the fact that from moment to moment you are always a changing person. On a daily basis things change. My suggestions to you is to feel out the situation and a singular basis, judge his character and her character. Are they strong enough and will they love it or will it turn into a total nightmare? If your best friend has total trust in you, it could be amazing! It also sounds like you wouldn't likely fall in love with her boyfriend, and if it helps you can always think about the fact you are actually doing your best friend a favor and that her boyfriend is not your type. If you feel like you are more into him after the experience, shut him out, think about the fact he is not a professional, but an artist, anything to turn you off, but chances are, you won't ever want to get it on with the guy again (you'll want to run away when you see him). Take that into consideration too. Sex can be about pure love, so think of it as something special, unique and interesting that has the capability of happening. There is a lot of reading you can do about this matter, including a lot of text on tantra, and it can be a very fun and energizing experience. You can feel closer to your friends on another level, but you have to keep a very relaxed, trusting, open mind.
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
No!! Seriously. Think about all the horrible things that could happen. It's not worth the risk. :)
misslilyfication misslilyfication 9 years
I thinks it's probably not such a great idea seem as you guys are best friends, and you are worried about having feelings for her bf should you do it. Personally, I know people who can do stuff with their friends and separate the sex from any 'love' feelings, I'm a very emotional kind of person so I know that it wouldn't be a good idea for me as an individual to do that. Also, I would want to know if your friend actually really wants to do it OR if she's just wanting to do it for her boyfriend! And should you do it and you decide you do not want to do it again, in no way feel obligated!! All the best, Suzie
misslilyfication misslilyfication 9 years
I thinks it's probably not such a great idea seem as you guys are best friends, and you are worried about having feelings for her bf should you do it. Personally, I know people who can do stuff with their friends and separate the sex from any 'love' feelings, I'm a very emotional kind of person so I know that it wouldn't be a good idea for me as an individual to do that. Also, I would want to know if your friend actually really wants to do it OR if she's just wanting to do it for her boyfriend! And should you do it and you decide you do not want to do it again, in no way feel obligated!!All the best,Suzie
lanuchan lanuchan 9 years
i think its a sticky situation for sure mostly because its up in the air what you guys will be doing also...just some play or actual sex, make booundaries if youre going to go through with it..
NMM911 NMM911 9 years
Run away from this...she'll never forgive you. And why feed his fantasy if it's not yours?
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
no
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
no
PinkEsq PinkEsq 9 years
I would say there is a definite possibility of the situation becoming awkward between you and your friend after. When you hang out together will she picture you and her boyfriend together? When you introduce a new boyfriend to her and her boyfriend will he be uncomfortable if he knows about the history? Why would you ruin a great friendship with these posibilities.I would politely decline and tell them you are flattered but dont want to cause future awkwardness becuase you like them so much. Threesomes, like any sexual activity,are much more enjoyable if you are not worried about something like that hanging over your head.
PinkEsq PinkEsq 9 years
I would say there is a definite possibility of the situation becoming awkward between you and your friend after. When you hang out together will she picture you and her boyfriend together? When you introduce a new boyfriend to her and her boyfriend will he be uncomfortable if he knows about the history? Why would you ruin a great friendship with these posibilities. I would politely decline and tell them you are flattered but dont want to cause future awkwardness becuase you like them so much. Threesomes, like any sexual activity,are much more enjoyable if you are not worried about something like that hanging over your head.
clarapl clarapl 9 years
Sure, go for it! Why not let him film it too for added xxx hotness?Seriously. why would you do this? Do you have a sexual relationship with your best friend? Are you attracted to her? You said you kissed her "just to be funny."Of course he thought the kiss was hot--that's why you did it, to turn him on. You were playing to the fantasy guys have that all girls are secretly bi and sexually attracted to their best friends, which is complete BS. I'm no more attracted to friends I've had since middle school than I am to my sister.I really don't understand the need of girls these days to cater to men's fantasies by acting like porn stars.
clarapl clarapl 9 years
Sure, go for it! Why not let him film it too for added xxx hotness? Seriously. why would you do this? Do you have a sexual relationship with your best friend? Are you attracted to her? You said you kissed her "just to be funny." Of course he thought the kiss was hot--that's why you did it, to turn him on. You were playing to the fantasy guys have that all girls are secretly bi and sexually attracted to their best friends, which is complete BS. I'm no more attracted to friends I've had since middle school than I am to my sister. I really don't understand the need of girls these days to cater to men's fantasies by acting like porn stars.
Justme33 Justme33 9 years
^ eric's gf best friend
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