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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Why Isn't He Calling?

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Why Isn't He Calling?

DearSugar and Bewildered Bethany need your help. I think we have all been there: the guy you have a crush on doesn't call even through he acts like he will. Grr, it's utterly the most frustrating thing ever, so do any of you have some words of wisdom for so many women who are in the same boat as Bethany?

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I just recently became single after a super serious three year relationship. I was at a bar, talking with a really cute and very nice guy, we were totally hitting it off and ended up going back to my place. We didn't have sex, but we did mess around.

The next morning I was worried it would be weird, but he gave me the most amazing kiss and we hooked up again sober. Then, as I drove him home, we were talking and having a pretty good time. When I stopped the car at his house he asked me when I was going to be free because he said he HAD to take me out again on a real date. I told him I was free anytime before I left for a trip on Thursday, he put his hand on my leg, told me he would call, and gave me the most amazing kiss before getting out of the car. Well, I leave for my trip tomorrow and I have heard NOTHING.

Why would someone push the idea of a date so hard if he had no intention of calling in the first place? What's the point of the act?

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tinyspark tinyspark 9 years
He is not interested in you or there are extenuating circumstances. Either way, he isn't going to call.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
You were just a hookup and he was just telling you what you wanted to hear. Move on and next time your really interested don't have him over the first night you meet them.
backfat backfat 9 years
fab4 said exactly what my thoughts were.
Honeychild Honeychild 9 years
This happened to me!!! So ironic bc i ran into this guy over the weekend after 5 months past. Over the winter a very similar thing happened to me. We hung out after a night out meeting through frineds (no s-x but lots of kissing etc..) Anyway- he ended up texting me days after with plans but never followed through. I gave up and that was that. Later on I did find out he just got out of a relationship of 4 years. So i figured out it was nothing that I did but he wasn't ready to date, this may be something that your guys is feeling. Well as KARMA will have it, I ran onto my guy Saturday and was looking so cute in my little pink outfit. He wouldn't stop talking to me and wants to hang out with me, he even called me two times since running into him. So if this guy never calls you, don't worry move on and go on more dates. Eventually when you least expect it, he will pop up and by then you wont care and will have moved on.
rubialala rubialala 9 years
popgoestheworld is right, it is a blessing that you found out he's a jerk now instead of later after you had true feelings for him.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
Guys are weird and cowardly. They assume we'd rather want a lie because we are too fragile to hear the truth. Maybe he'll call maybe he won't...don't sweat it chica!
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Guys are weird. Maybe something came up (not) and he couldn't end up taking you out. A call maybe? Anything? Buehler? Who cares- your obviously too good for him anyway!
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 9 years
It sounds like he's a jerk (many guys are!) Time to move on and look for someone who might be interested in more than just getting some action.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
not worth your time. stop thinking about him.
Vdogg Vdogg 9 years
Some guys just know what to say, when to say it, and how to. This guy sounds like he could be a regular casanova.. either that or he could think you're hot, nice, whatever.. but the fact that youre going on a trip may be putting him off. one thing ive personally discovered though is if a guy REALLY wants you, he will do anything to get you. the fact that this guy gave up once finding out you were going on a trip (the length of the trip really matters too) kinda indicates hes not willing to do anything it takes to be with you.
nessabum nessabum 9 years
that has jerk written all over it. forget him (even if it might be hard)
LaLaLaurie06 LaLaLaurie06 9 years
He just wanted booty. Sadly, there will always be men out there who think they have the power to just take whatever they want whenever they want and move on without thinking about the feelings of other people.
Vsugar Vsugar 9 years
The thing with some men, is that they like the IDEA of themselves as the Kind of Person You Wish Them to Be. Does that make sense? That guy you want him to be, the one who is ACTUALLY into you after you hooked up in a bar, the one who is genuinely interested in you as a human being, the one who doesn't do that very often... If he imagines himself as that person, he likes how it makes him feel, and so he will try. But it's NOT really him, and so it doesn't last. He will probably call you while you are gone, so that he can relieve himself of feeling badly for not following through. You know that Gavin de Graw song, "Follow Through" ?? This is what you should demand from someone you are in a relationship with. It informs a lot about their character. You want to be in a relationship with someone who actually does what they say they are going to do - and if he can't do the MOST BASIC THING which is pick up the phone and call you, then you don't want him. Unless he calls and says "my grandmother died" and he's telling the TRUTH, I wouldn't respond to him if he DOES call. You Deserve Better.
clarapl clarapl 9 years
Always listen to popgoestheworld--she gives the best advice of anyone.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Some guys (and girls) are just about telling someone exactly what they want to hear and then doing the exact opposite. They're called jerks or sociopaths or whatever. Take your pick. But they're not worth mooning over at all. Consider it a blessing.
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
It sounds like he doesn't want to date you, he was just after some fun but didn't want to actually say he had no interest in anything more.
fab4 fab4 9 years
He's just not that into you.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
could be a typical guy thing; enjoying the chase more than the having, fear of intimacy, you know. or it could be that he lost your number, got sick, had second thoughts, time got away from him, got back with his girl friend, etc. taking it slow is usually the best way to go. have fun on your trip and concentrate on that and consider yourself one step closer to the right guy. he may still call :)
Princess-Rebecca Princess-Rebecca 9 years
If he doesn't call you he is maybe not that into you and as hard as it sounds maybe you should move on. Or he's just playing a game and you certainly do not want to call him because then he knows he has you in his "power". You know all what I'm trying to say. He's just fishing... Men who don't call are... Don't thin kabout it, don't wit by the phone, go out and have fun... don't let one (not received) phonecall ruine your day.
Marci Marci 9 years
Ahhh, yes; why WOULD someone push the idea of a date so hard if he had no intention of calling? That is a question that will live on into infinity. We've all been in your situation, and there is *nothing* you can do about it and there is no rhyme or reason as to why this happens so often. Try not to drive yourself too crazy analyzing it, because there's no real answer.
glamorouswink glamorouswink 9 years
A kiss doesnt really mean anything from a guy you met one night! just forget about him and move on.
mishelleanne mishelleanne 9 years
*sigh* sounds like the typical men i date =( he is not worth it. move on to the next frog! one day we will kiss our prince.
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