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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is the Writing on the Wall?

Dear Sugar and Left in the Dark Libby need your help. Libby is worried sick that her best friend is putting the moves on her boyfriend. How should she know if their friendship is crossing the line or if they are truly just friends? Do you have any advice to offer?

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My best friend has never had a boyfriend before. She has dated for a few weeks here and there, but has never been in a serous, committed relationship. She grew up with my boyfriend and has always spent a lot of time with us. We even call ourselves a little happy family! Recently, I have started to notice her staring at my boyfriend a little too seductively and overtly flirting with him right in front of my face!

Last week, she went out to a group dinner with him and some of our other friends in which she was the only girl. I didn't know she went until she reveled in the fact that I didn't know from my boyfriend first. I have since expressed my concern to him but he thinks I am being ridiculous to think that she has any interest in him. I don't want to jump to any conclusions or make false accusations if I am just being overly paranoid, so how can I tell if my best friend likes my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years?

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calibabi calibabi 8 years
yikes...it doesn't sound good. maybe you should talk to her instead of to your boyfriend. or maybe try setting her up with someone else and hope for the best...?
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
If they've been dating for 4 1/2 years while being friends with this girl the whole time, I find it really unlikely that the girlfriend is a jealous type trying to break up a friendship. Trust your gut. And talk to your friend.
AshNik AshNik 8 years
watch out for the ho
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 8 years
I agree with the comments above mine. It sounds like she is up to something. Women ALWAYS want what another woman has. If you feel like something is going on, trust your gut. You have already talked to your guy about this, now talk to her. Express how uncomfortable you are when she acts like a flirt around him. If it still goes on, I would limit the time all three of you spend together.
andaman andaman 8 years
Oh I see you've already talked to your man about this funny business, well I am telling you men find it hard to read the lines (not all men but I'd say more than half) so he might not know she fancies him. Stop warning him about this, just talk to her about it and like I said if it continues please spend less time with this girl.
andaman andaman 8 years
You know I would trust your own gut 100% on this one. I think it smells fishy and if possible have a chat with your man about this. I would talk to her again too, be honest and just say you feel quite let down by the whole thing. If it continues stop hanging with her.
littleblackbook littleblackbook 8 years
be careful! my fiance walked out on me to be with my friend. go with your gut instinct. if you gut is telling you she's making a move then she probably is.
Marci Marci 8 years
I don't really like the fact that she got so much pleasure out of the fact that you didn't know she'd been at that dinner until she told you. And I wonder why your boyfriend didn't mention to you that she had been there? I'm with the group that says to keep an eye on her. She doesn't sound that trustworthy to me.
Vdogg Vdogg 8 years
Us women can work in some mysterious ways - and i definately think your best friend is up to something. I had a similar situation happen to me, a friend of mine had also been single forever, and i was always the one with boyfriends. When i got into my first serious relationship she would blatantly flirt with my bf right in front of me! Later she went on to sleep with guys she knew i liked, and went as far as seducing a guy the same night i had been with him. I really don't think your friend is that desperate, but it could just be that she is seeking the personal satisfaction of knowing she can achieve what you can - that she is no worse than you. This may be a biased opinion though! just what i've realized in my situation. BUT, we all have intuition.. if yours is telling you there is something you don't know about your friend.. chances are you are probably right. however, if you make it your #1 focus, it'll begin to be all you see, even if there isn't necessary something ALWAYS there. Try to sit back & watch from an outsiders perspective without emotional attachment to the situation.
Vdogg Vdogg 8 years
Us women can work in some mysterious ways - and i definately think your best friend is up to something. I had a similar situation happen to me, a friend of mine had also been single forever, and i was always the one with boyfriends. When i got into my first serious relationship she would blatantly flirt with my bf right in front of me! Later she went on to sleep with guys she knew i liked, and went as far as seducing a guy the same night i had been with him. I really don't think your friend is that desperate, but it could just be that she is seeking the personal satisfaction of knowing she can achieve what you can - that she is no worse than you. This may be a biased opinion though! just what i've realized in my situation. BUT, we all have intuition.. if yours is telling you there is something you don't know about your friend.. chances are you are probably right. however, if you make it your #1 focus, it'll begin to be all you see, even if there isn't necessary something ALWAYS there. Try to sit back & watch from an outsiders perspective without emotional attachment to the situation.
junebrug junebrug 8 years
I think she's after him, and I can see why she's confident -- in this situation she's the lifelong friend who's always been there for him and you're the newbie who could come or go at any time. But truly it doesn't really matter how she feels about him, only how he feels about her, and it sounds like he considers her "one of the guys." If she tells him how she feels, she's likely to get shot down -- bad. It sounds to me like your BF isn't interested in her as anything but a friend. That's all you need to know. I've tried to make lovers out of friends (not stealing a guy of course) and I can tell you, it's virutally impossible. Once a man has put you in a particular category, you're there to stay.
JessNess JessNess 8 years
First of all guys dont really notice if girls are flirting with them unless its super obivious Second have you ever talked to your friend about this? Its a huge risk but it may be worth. If she is willing to flirt with your bf right in front of you then she isnt that great of a friend to start with I would get someone elses perspective, maybe another friend who can confirm your suspicions. As girls we tend to read to much into certain behaviors
Hope5 Hope5 8 years
I'd just be careful!
wierddramachick wierddramachick 8 years
Watch out for her. Especially if she thinks she knew him first. I've unfortunately been her in a situation in the past.. and she sounds alot like I did. Not something I'm proud of... but I hope it helps. Just talk to her and be completely honest, but not angry and emotional, because then she will just lie about it.
N-e-e-c-a-l-l-e N-e-e-c-a-l-l-e 8 years
I think that while you should respect the fact that they have been friends for a long time, most times your gut instinct is correct. Not to mention if she's flirting and giving seductive looks, thats crossing the line, and unless your boyfriend simply does not notice, then theres no way he could argue that that behaviour is acceptable. But you would know more then any of us whether the vibes (im kind of a hippy) you're getting from the two of them are different. Just be cautious, keep your eyes open and stay communicative and positive with your boyfriend, acting jealous and over reacting will just cause him to run to her for advice or even just to talk and Im sure the last thing you want is him talking to her about how jealous you are about her. (mouthful) Good Luck!
ash_marisa ash_marisa 8 years
She wrote that her boyfriend and the girl had grown up together. Therefore they have known each other most of there lives, which I am going to guess is much longer than the 4.5 years this couple has been dating. I do not think its fair to put the blame on the girl at all. Why push away the girl friend who has been in the picture since childhood? Am I the only one who sees this as not fair? My guy friend who I had known since 1st grade and was basically a brother to me, got a girlfriend in college, and because of her paranoia I basically could not spend time with my guy friend without her around anymore, and I hated her for it. Why should long-time friends stop spending time w each other because the significant other is paranoid?
brookrene brookrene 8 years
I dont think you need to worry about your boyfriend. He seems like he really doesn't think she could care for him. I've been in his situation with a friend liking me and i totally didnt see it. Once my bf told me he thought my friend liked me i began to take notice of the situation and didnt appreciate what my friend was doing. Express your concerns to him and keep a close eye on this girl. It sounds like trouble waiting to happen. Go with your gut instinct, if you think she's flirting then she probably is.
photojunkie photojunkie 8 years
i don't agree: it took me 6 years to realise i was in love with my best friend. it could be that she is jealous of your relationship with him, that she is been pushed out or envies what you have and wants it for herself. or she could have secretly been dealing with unrequited love all her life and is working the courage up to make a move. out of these two i would like to hazard a guess and say she's just envious and its nothing much to worry about, worry when it seems like she is purposely going out of her way to arrange meetings with your boyf behind your back and making it feel and look like a dirty secret. she could be trying to sabotage your relationship. try and set her up on a blind date with someone you really think she'll like, and see what happens if she is completely unintrested it may show her she has her eye elsewhere.
ash_marisa ash_marisa 8 years
I don't think you should worry. You have been together for a long time and they have been friends for a lot longer than that even. I mean, why would she pick now to jump in? He probably sees her as one of the guys, like a sister. It seems like there is something else wrong to make you think this way. Maybe he is not giving you enough time, or something along those lines. He's with you for a reason for the past 4.5 yrs. Please don't be one of those women who get jealous of their boyfriends spending time with female friends, especially when they have been friends for such a long long time.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 8 years
I would watch out for that girl. The whole situation sounds funny. Why couldn't you attend the group dinner? Why didn't your bf tell you about it? Why is she throwing it in your face like that? Obviously, this girl sounds selfish and immature, not to mention insecure with herself if she feels as though she needs to swipe someone else's bf. I would have a talk with both her and him about this...and set some ground rules.
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