DearSugar and Drama Queen Debbi need your help -- do you have any tips Debbi can borrow to put an end to her self sabotaging love life?
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This is something that has been a recognizable pattern throughout my whole life for as long as I can remember. I've recently realized that all the men I've ever been head-over-heels seriously in love with were all unavailable. And every time, every single time, I knew that before I fell for them. I'm now with a wonderful man who's (for the first time in my life) in love with ME. There are moments when I feel he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, when I'm so grateful he's in my life... and then there are moments where I have the crippling fear that I don't really love him, not like the other guys I have loved in the past.
I've often wondered why that is and the only reasonable answer is that, as I said before, he loves me back. It's almost as if I'm constantly trying to find something wrong with him. I know this probably stems from low self-esteem, which is an inherent part of who I am. After some soul-searching, I've come to realize that the unrequited love I'd been so miserable about before meeting my boyfriend is something I now miss, apparently. It's like I used to thrive on the drama of it all, like some character out of a nineteenth-century novel, I'd sit in my room and cry and basically wallow in my own misery. Still, it always seems like I'm courting more and more drama into my life. Why do I feel the need to blow every tiny problem out of proportion and act like the biggest drama queen? Why can't I just be happy for my "healthy relationship"? I am worried sick that I am going to drive him away and regret it forever.