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Desperate to Get My Ex Back

Group Therapy: Feeling Desperate to Get My Ex Back

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

He is 24 and I am 22. He is a PhD student. I am a Bachelor student. We were together for three years. My boyfriend and I just broke up two months ago and this was the third time breaking up. The reason was me. After I read your articles, I just found out that I was needy, pushy, controlling, and obsessive. (I wish I found out this blog earlier.) I had improved myself, but since he moved out from his house and started to live by himself, he became super busy. He has to work and/or study seven days a week and had so little time for me. Because of this, I began to be more needy, pushy, controlling, and obsessive. I wanted to see him as much as I can but he often said that he was too tired from work or he has to read books for his thesis and it made me angry and sad because I felt that he didn't love me as much as I loved him. We fought every week and finally he broke up with me. He said that I added more stress to his life which was stressful already. His migraine which had gone away for 10 years came back. He felt guilty that he didn't have time for me.

After we broke up, we still talk to each other almost everyday. I sometimes ask him to have a dinner, and if he is free, he will come (but mostly he has to work) so I'm mostly refused. I hate that feeling because I always think carefully when I ask him. He never asks me out. I once told him that I wanted to get back with him but he refused and said that he didn't believe me anymore that there would be no big problems like this. He thought that we had broken up and gotten back together two times and that showed that we couldn't get along.

What should I do? How am I going to gain his trust back and get back together? I can feel that he still loves me. I don't know what it is between us and I don't like the feeling but I do like that we are so casual. He said he likes this too. If we are like this, how am I going to be his girlfriend again?

And the most important thing is I don't want to be pushy, needy, controlling, and obsessive. I always find a person to be my only source of happiness. I know that I have to keep myself busy so I hang out with friends a lot and, inattentively, I start to do these habits to one of my best friends. Please help me.

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