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Diary of an Online Dater 2010-10-11 08:00:33

Diary of an Online Dater: Too Many Balls in the Air

Editor's note: Welcome to our weekly guest series Diary of an Online Dater, written by anonymous 20-something blogger matchgirl. This week things got complicated . . .

Week 4: Seriously, when it rains, it pours. I couldn't make up the events of the last week if I tried.

Things started out normal enough: I had a second date planned with the Intellectual, and I had begun emailing with a new Match guy, the Euro-dresser (e.g. lots of scarves). Offline, I had also met someone who was distracting me from my Internet interests — the Enigma — an intriguing fella with the uncanny (and irresistible) ability to cause spontaneous smiling. And in the midst of this I get an unexpected call.

Now that I'm finally happy in my single state of affairs, shamelessly dating, crushing, and flirting my way past a brutal breakup, I get a call from the Ex. He's hopelessly in love with me, he's sincerely sorry for the way he handled things, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. I tell him I appreciate the sentiments, but I'm about to go out with my girlfriends, and honestly, after relying on their advice, strength, and support since the breakup, I'm not about to bail on them now.

I do eventually call him back, and say I'm willing to talk about things but not to commit to getting back together. Meanwhile, I'm still talking to the Intellectual sporadically, and becoming increasingly interested in the Enigma. At this point, when I'm feeling like I (literally) have too many balls in the air, the Ex proceeds to send two dozen red roses to my office (a flurry of iChat inquiries from co-workers ensue and are shot down with "the Ex" response) and makes plans to come visit me. What happened to taking things slowly?

Finding myself pulled in so many directions, I decide to postpone the second date with the Intellectual. I'm trying to stay focused on my Match "duties," but the motivation to meet more people is no longer there. I don't need any more balls! There are only a limited number of hours in the day and space in my brain to handle texting, emailing, and talking to guys on top of my day job, which is not, in fact, dating (even though it is starting to feel that way).

So I'm in a predicament. I have the Ex, who is saying all the right things that I wanted him to say prior to the breakup. And even though a serious, long-term relationship with him was what I wanted just a couple months ago, it's now a tedious and emotional process that butts heads with my light, fun single life. I don't want to feel guilty for enjoying this moment of unshackled happiness, complete with butterflies-in-your-stomach possibilities and cute Enigmas. But what if I lose my soul mate and don't realize it until it's too late?

Email buddies: 5
Dates: 1 (plus one canceled)
Winks: too many

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lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
Lol, the ex's can smell when you're moving on. I swear it's true. Great you have options! You know, it sounds like the ex was knd of....a dick (?), and you get to keep him hanging for a bit. Roses are nice. For a start. Think of the nights you spent crying and wondering what went wrong, and don't make the ex "pay", but REMEMBER that he hurt you. Does he deserve to just pop back into your life? Or does he have to earn it?
RedVixxen RedVixxen 5 years
Although my instant reaction was the "he's an ex for a reason" response, I think that if you still have feelings for him you need to examine them. You've done all the right things: come to terms with the breakup; accepted and thrived with your newfound single status; and, moved in the right direction with the dating process. You're not some lonely girl who's still sad and sitting at home waiting for the ex to call. So, if he really means what he says, he'll be willing to be one of your dating potentials. He can't expect to just jump back in where he left off and get to skip all the fun parts of dating, especially when he's got competition in that department. If he's not willing to put in that extra effort, then he's not what you want anyway...and I'm sure you'll figure that out along the way anyway. Oh, and the embarassing display of flowers would be considered overboard with any of the other guys, so he should take it down a notch, lol =)
Colleen-Barrett Colleen-Barrett 5 years
this picture is lizely.
Colleen-Barrett Colleen-Barrett 5 years
this picture is lizely.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
I don't know about ex's/it just seems like I can't think of one friend who ever worked it out with an ex....either he broke up with you or vise versa but something about egos and resentment and the past reasons for breaking will keep surfacing. Its like you died and then they want to revive you from the grave. I wish you luck and even though I'm doubtful about the ex I suppose you could listen to what he has to say? But just based on your feelings now I would say your heart isn't really in it much and you are trying to make a new path in life. I haven't read your weekly report before its fun. I think its fun you have the ball rolling with dates. I used to call that three irons in the fire.
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