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Did He Just Want Sex?

"Did He Just Want Sex?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I met this amazing guy who showed lots of enthusiasm the night we met. He asked for my number and asked me out for dinner. It was amazingly set up and we had an awesome time. We later went to his apartment and we just kissed. He asked me if I'd like to see him again and I agreed. The following day he sent me a quick message later in the evening, cold in a way. Then he disappeared for two days and then asked me if I'd like to watch a movie at his place. I preferred that for a second date we meet outside, he agreed. Again it was amazing with lots of chemistry, we went to his apartment and kissed. This time he asked me to stay over for the night; I didn't feel that I'm ready to sleep with him yet. The third date was the same thing, he asks me to come over, then I told him that I am not ready to sleep with him. He was surprised and said that he felt that I wanted to but he doesn't know why I backed off.

Anyway, he said, "Don't stress about it, I totally understand." Then he disappeared. I felt bad cause he might have thought that I don't like him. I sent him a text asking if he'd like to join me and my friends for an event, he directly said yes. We met up that day for the event and he was such a gentleman, taking care of me, he took his jacket off and put it on my shoulders when it was cold, he was interested in my stories and asked questions about me. After the event we went back to my apartment and we kissed again, it was nice. He left, and didn't call me. It's been three days . . . Does he like me? Not enough? He just wanted sex? I don't get it.

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Serene18 Serene18 4 years
Quoting Marys whole post... Perfect!
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
So he "disappeared" for 2 days, and then "disappeared" for 3 days sometime after that? That could hardly be called disappearing. If he truly disappeared, he would have left for an extended period of time, with or without returning at some far-off point. What he did was get on with his life. Did you ever think that maybe he was busy with his life? Maybe he has family, friends, a career that are taking up lots of his time? It's not like he disappeared. He is still keeping in contact with you whenever you call/text, and he tries to do the same. You do not know why he isn't calling/texting every day, which is what you'd prefer, so don't assume he's not doing so simply because he isn't interested in you. There are many reasons he could be doing that. One is that perhaps he is shy. Two is that perhaps he doesn't think you're as interested. Three is that he's so caught up in his life, has poor time management skills, and as a result fails to call you as often as you'd like. Four is that he has different expectations than you do; his way of expressing he's very interested in you are different from the way you want it expressed. Remember that he does not know this (i.e., the way you want him to express his affection for you). So do him a favor and just ask him why he doesn't call you as often as you'd like. Ask him if he's still interested in you, etc.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
It was just sex. He put on the charm offensive to try to persuade you. Happens all the time. Can't blame him for trying. That's what single guys who want to have fun and stay single do. His absence shows he isn't interested in getting to know you. So consider it a personality mismatch and move on to the next guy.
sharky89 sharky89 4 years
Yea - sorry that's what it sounds like he was looking for  :/  One time I was seeing someone who did the exact same thing, and I luckily learned that he was not looking for anything serious before I got too invested.  I agree with vanilla and steph - good for you for standing your ground.. If he doesn't respect that, he isn't worth your time and definitely isn't the right guy for you.  Just keep walking and finding ways to be happy on your own!  There's more fish in the sea, and there's better chances of meeting someone who is a better match for you if you let go off someone who isn't.
vanilla-and-pink vanilla-and-pink 4 years
It sounds like you really like this guy.  I would just try to move on.  Don't try to rationalize it too much; it'll only make you feel worse.  If he does get in touch with you again, you'll be all the more appealing because you aren't as invested.  For so many people, it's all about the thrill of the chase (this is true for guys and girls).   It's also good to remind yourself that your life is awesome, even without a guy around.  Spend some time doing something you truly enjoy.  Unfortunately, the dating scene is tremendously shallow.  It's better to keep a light hearted attitude about things until you really get to know someone.  Don't commit emotionally or physically until you're sure someone is invested in having a healthy  and lasting relationship.  
steph1234 steph1234 4 years
Sounds like he just wanted sex to me. Seems like he was acting so interested and doing the things he felt he was "supposed" to do so that you'd give in. Good for you for standing your ground and not acting like a slut by sleeping with him so soon. So many girls give it up WAY too fast. And don't feel bad....if he needs you to have sex with him right off the bat in order to confirm your feelings for him....then he really doesn't care about your feelings....Stand your ground...if he's in it for the right reasons, he'll come back around. If not...then you dodged a bullet!
henna-red henna-red 4 years
This is what dating's all about. Finding out what's on his mind. He joined you when you called. He likes you well enough for that. He wants sex, he likes you well enough for that. If he isn't calling you, he isn't calling you. I agree with MissMary, if he wants to see you, he'll call. If all he wants is sex, you've turned him down several times and he probably won't call. Don't focus on this one guy, it's just not that serious after only a few evenings. Date others, just as missmary says, and remember, a guy who really is into you, and wants to persue something more, may want sex, but won't nag or try to push you into something you're not ready for. best of luck
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Agree with missmaryb. Don't fret yourself over others.
chibros chibros 4 years
If you want to give him what he wants, let him know, he'll definitely be there. It quite depends on what you guys wants, if you guys are on an important mission or just friends laughing things out. If things are not heading towards exclusive direction, you might to ignore him and do your things till he tired of playing the games.. Suggest you better still keep your legs closed rather than falling for wrong one..
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
I am in total agreement with missmaryb. I never knew what a difference REAL interest makes until I met my current boyfriend. He was interested, and he let me know it. He called, he texted, he set up dates. He wanted me and he let me know it. And not for sex. It makes a REAL difference.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
There could be a million reasons he's blowing hot and cold. The truth is, when a guy wants to be with you, he will. He'll go out of his way to talk to you and see you. It took me a really long time and a lot of hurt feelings to really understand that. I wouldn't put any more effort into him, the ball needs to be in his court. If he wants to start something with you, you'll know it. Keep your options open and date other guys. Good luck.
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