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Disagreeing on Wedding Destination

Group Therapy: My Fiancé Refuses to Marry Abroad, Like I've Always Dreamed

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Me and my boyfriend have decided to get married and have started thinking about our wedding. It has always been my dream to get married abroad — in Europe, however he objects to the idea of marrying abroad.

He himself likes the idea, however, he says that some of his relatives would refuse to pay to go abroad etc., and it would just never work. I know it sounds so silly, but I feel so devastated. I've always planned how my wedding day would be and have always dreamed of it being abroad, in my dream country, in the perfect location.

I understand that it's asking a lot of people, but surely I'm allowed to be selfish for one big day of my life?! I just feel so upset over this and I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I have a right to feel like this? It seems that I spend all my life trying to make my family and friends happy, why can't they do the same for me on my wedding day. My family is more than happy to go abroad, it's just his. Please share your views with me on this, I feel so lost!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


Source: Flickr User {teegan}

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Aquadave Aquadave 5 years
Couldn't you have a theme wedding? find a church or building of the style you want, a priest of the heritage you want, Music, food, etc. then take off to that country for your honeymoon. Marriage is about comprise, you can both have your way, just give a little.
lanwa lanwa 5 years
I say the only people required for the ceremony are the bride & groom(and priest). Take all the info you have here, brainstorm w/ your honey and make a choice you both can get excited about. It's not fair to either of you to have to ditch your idea of how you'd prefer your wedding day to go, however "Disneyland thinking" doesn't translate well into "real life"....Start talking and work something out. Also don't bother getting married unless you're older than 30, 40 really lol! Good luck. And Isn't Ireland considered Europe?(I know it's near the UK and an isle but she's not asking people to go to Tahiti)
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
For all of you just reading this, the original title for this post was "shattered dreams", much more dramatic than the new title. Some of the previous responses will make more sense knowing this.
allergic-to-bad-times allergic-to-bad-times 5 years
Both links work for me (maybe you could copy/paste), and the statistic in Wikipedia is a bit farther down. You have to read through a bunch of stuff to get to it. But at least we are in agreement on the important issue! :) Life is hard! Getting help with it is good!
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years
allergic, the first link is a dud and the second doesn't have the statistic you quoted. I agree with you that the OP should be more concerned about her marriage than her wedding, but that is a fabricated statistic.
MsChoo MsChoo 5 years
My cousin lives in the UK, so she got married over there. She has lots of family here (Canada), and knew that not everyone here could make the trip/afford it, so they had their reception here. It's not quite the same situation, but maybe it'll give you some ideas. I think the best thing would be to meet him half way... thats probably having the honeymoon in Europe. Bring your wedding dress along! make it somewhat like your wedding day or something.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
At least you're closer to Europe than I (rather Americanocentrically) assumed. But still. No one loves a diva. You'll regret your attitude more than your location in the long run.
Trusting1 Trusting1 5 years
So why did you ask the question if you are unwilling to listen to the vast majority who all say you are being a little OTT and perhaps a teeny weeny bit selfish? You sound spoilt. I hope it all works out well in the end without too many tantrums and tears before bedtime!
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
I like the idea of 2 weddings :) That way you can both be happy. It's absolutely not right to expect your guests to spend hundreds for traveling if they don't want to or can't afford it (it's more than $300 USD - it's time off work, hotel accommodations, car rental, gift, clothes, etc) . A wedding is an invitation, not an obligation. Those who choose to not attend the Europe wedding should not be guilted in any way. If I were you, I would just have an intimate ceremony with you and your hubby in Europe, then a regular wedding in Ireland. Sounds like fun to me.
Epicdoodle Epicdoodle 5 years
I understand your dream was a wedding abroad but this wedding day isn't just about you, its also about your soon to be husband and if his family members aren't present at the wedding [because of the location you chose] how do you think it'll make him feel. Don't you wan't this day to be special for both of you? Your entering a partnership here and in a partnership you have to learn to compromise! Why don't you use the wedding money to elope abroad and have a fantastic memorable honeymoon - I think its super romantic! When you guys return home you can have a dinner party or something with you family and friends to celebrate and inform everyone of the great news. Remember whats important in the end is a successful marriage not a fancy wedding. Good luck to both of you and Congrats :) Eloping: 1. http://www.tressugar.com/Photos-Tips-Eloping-13145837 2. http://www.savvysugar.com/How-Elope-12791868
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Pistil, that's a really good idea. OP, would you consider modifying your dream a bit and eloping abroad? That sounds like a good compromise to me.
allergic-to-bad-times allergic-to-bad-times 5 years
http://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Divorce_Statistics http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce Lilegwene, statistics are always variable, but it seems to be a commonplace one that I quoted. Not trying to rain on anyone's parade, but rather trying to add to those on this comment section that are trying to warn her there is so much more to her marriage than the wedding day. I also believe being a bit disappointed is so much different than believing one's dream is shattered because one can't do something that most people (especially in Ireland where the economy is collapsing) can't afford.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Why not elope somewhere spectacular in Europe and then have a reception at home? So romantic! That's how I'd do it! I don't believe being a bride gives you the "right" to be selfish at all, but let she-who-has-never-been-disappointed-when-things-don't-work-the-way-she-wants-them-to cast the first stone.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
I never understood why so much emphasis has to be placed on one day when what really matters is the lifetime together afterwards. A wedding isn't just about the bride, as others have pointed out. A wedding is about celebrating the love between two people--hopefully two people on equal footing and of equal worth in the relationship. If your fiance was on board with having an abroad wedding even if his family couldn't come, then I would say go for it. But he's clearly not on board with the idea and it's important to him to have his family there, so I don't see why this is even up for discussion. You are about to start a life together as husband and wife, and I think it's best to start that life together without resentment on either side and certainly without one person in the union having to be selfish at the expense of the other. Try to find a compromise that satisfies you both, as other posters have suggested. It may mean both of you have to sacrifice something you want or it may mean you have to rebudget, but please don't fall victim to the societal delusion that the wedding is all about you and no one else matters.
lilegwene lilegwene 5 years
Allergic to bad times.... that statistic is not correct. At least be accurate when you try to rain on someone's parade.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
It's not exactly a shattered dream, imho. I understand the 'dramatic' feeling in relation to this, but yah, it's not that bad. I think you guys need to compromise on this one because it's both of you guys's day. Lemme give you an example, my cousin and his wife had an abroad wedding only with a few members of the family, they took beautiful pictures with the cake, place where they got hitched, etc--and yah, my cousin and his wife PAID for the relatives to be there,(fee for the visa, plane ticket beside the hotel, etc). They could only afford to bring 10 people with them. Everyone in our family was invited but yah, they only chose 10 closest people to them for them to pay for and no one was offended because they've let us know that they will have their huge wedding to include the rest of the family in a couple of years (they're saving up right now for that) at home. No need to get upset or dramatic about this, just get a nice compromise you two can be onboard with and keep in mind that this is an important day for him and his family (as well as you and your family). Good luck.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
That's really nice that you have a family that is able to take the time and money to go to Europe for a wedding. Not everyone has that. .... .......... Ahem. This post sounds like Group Therapy for Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous. Even if you're not rich and famous, you do realize the bratty nature of your tone in this post, yes? You cannot expect the people around you that you want to share a wedding with to be able to plan a trip to Europe because it's *your big day* Try traveling abroad for the honeymoon instead.
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
boo hoo. get over it. it's his big day too!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 5 years
I understand that you are thinking about a small intimate abroad wedding and a big party afterwards....thats fine, but you have to realize that to some people, including future in-laws, these functions are NOT equivalent. If some of your fiance's family can't make the actual ceremony because of cost, they may be incredibly upset with you, because seeing their son/ brother/cousin get married is so much more important than a party. Also, it may put your fiance and his family in an embarrassing position with his side being the ones who can't afford to go. Not good. You are putting your fiance in the middle of an awkward situation and asking him to choose between what you want and what his family can potentially do. Not a good way to start a marriage or your relationship with the in-laws. I also disagree with BiWife about the honeymoon. I think it is the experience that celebrates your new bond as man and wife, and the memories you make there will last a lifetime. Not everyone spends their entire honeymoon in bed. You can have sex anywhere, but an awesome adventure, if you can afford it, is worth it's weight in gold. I personally would have the wedding with family, and then plan some incredible trip to share with him all to yourself. But that's me. Good Luck.
allergic-to-bad-times allergic-to-bad-times 5 years
Seriously, start the marriage counseling now. About 50% of marriages end in divorce, meaning at least half of the princesses and their naive fiances at these overblown affairs are already doomed. Marriage requires putting aside selfish wants and learning to compromise and communicate and these behaviors start long before your big day and lasts a long time afterwards. As an outsider, it already sounds like your money would be better spent in marriage counseling than for a Disney Princess Do (as Helen Danger so brilliantly said).
MissJules5x MissJules5x 5 years
I know how you feel because I have also always wanted a destination wedding, but our families are very important to us and I know that half of them wouldn't be able to make it. A wedding itself is more about family and friends witnessing you getting married otherwise you'd just elope so what would be the point of you going away if you're families cannot be there? the honeymoon should be about you. not necessarily the wedding. Why don;t you get married in front of your family and friends at home and then do something special for your honeymoon and have a mini wedding there that way everyone is happy.
Rory1225 Rory1225 5 years
Greg, I'm assuming that although she says a couple of hours it is still in another country, which would require a plane ride. It is true that countries in Europe are very close together and so there is a short plane ride, but that does not necessarily mean the trip will be cheap.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
Oh my God, the brat. [facepalm]
GregS GregS 5 years
With this additional information, a couple of hours away, how about hiring party buses? Meet in a location that's easy for the bus and has parking space for everyone, and drive them all there. Have party favors, drinks, snacks, etc. Roadtrip!
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