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A Do or a Don't: Taking Relationship History into Account

A Do or a Don't: Taking Relationship History into Account

Though it's nice to believe that when you meet someone new you’re each starting with a clean slate, the truth of the matter is, you’re both bringing your own mix of good and bad past encounters to the table. When it comes to love, a person can't help but approach things with her own experiences in mind.

Then again, if you find yourself falling for someone, it’s only natural to give him the benefit of the doubt even if his history might tell you to run for the hills. The line between what we know and what we feel is always a difficult one to balance and never without its risks. So ladies, what are your thoughts? When we’re interested in someone, should we always take relationship history into account? Or should the past stay in the past?

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drhotie92 drhotie92 8 years
I find it really hard to answer this one but i dont think i would bring my past experiences into my new relationships unless im going into a reletionship with someone i have history with( which is kindof the situation Im in now).
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 8 years
Knowing something about his past is a way to know what (bad signs) to maybe look out for in your relationship. Gotta look out for yourself!
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 8 years
I do! I want my men pure. I can't help it, but I steer clear from guys with lots of ex-girlfriends, lots of sexual partners, and/or children. I don't have that baggage, either, so they get the same deal.
michelle-c42934 michelle-c42934 8 years
I don't think sexual and relationship experience really matters. But I do think it's important to see that a person learns something from their own relationships and deals with ex's maturely - think Berger and Carrie; Bergers F-yous and the double middle finger to his ex on the answer phone - little bit crazy.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
Past is the past. I mean I was sort of a mean girlfriend in the past but that was many years ago and I am not that same person. I wouldn't want to be judged for how I was when I was 20 when I am now 26.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 8 years
Oops, I meant give him a *chance*, not change.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 8 years
Unless the past is really bad, I generally leave it alone. Now, if I found out that a guy hit an ex-girlfriend or something like that, I wouldn't even give him a change, but for the most part I think people deserve a clean slate.
MeDestruit MeDestruit 8 years
I'm having a hard time answering this because in all my relationships/dates/hook-ups, I knew almost nothing about the other person. Unless the person spills out his dirty laundry on the table on the 1st or 2nd date, how can we know for sure what their past is like? I give everyone the same kind of benefit of the doubt, no matter who they are and where they've come from.
txcowgrl077 txcowgrl077 8 years
I think it has a lot less to do with the person than it does yourself. I have been in some terrible, quite mortifying relationship, that have taken me away from what reality is - or at least should be. Your past is simply that, your past. There is no one that can change it or make it disappear. You just have to force yourself to knowing that each person you meet is someone new; that just because the last guy hurt you doesn't mean this one will. (It's a lot easier said than done, and some days I wish there was someone on the opposite side telling me exactly what I've just written.. I choose to listen to other's advice aside from my own - -even though it may be similar) In regards to the previous ex-girlfriend comment - She isn't the part of the picture you should be worrying about. She isn't his current girlfriend (relationship) and that should be your first clue. Obviously there was something about this 'bad-mouthing' girl that he didn't want anymore. Take everything with a grain of salt. If you're worried about other people getting too close to your relationship, take a step back and look at yourself and everything you have. If it's not what you want, then fix it. Otherwise, you cannot complain for the life you have made for yourself. It is ultimately you who makes the final decision on the relationship. Don't blow it over some petty obsessed ex.
Ster Ster 8 years
I don't judge people on their past, we all have one ... What does make me wary is a man who badmouths an ex-girlfriend (or all of them). I find it shows little maturity and decorum, regardless of what happened in their relationship, when a man uses derogatory language when talking about an ex ("she was such a b*tch") or just enjoys putting her down. It's a sign of a basic lack of respect and I find it a huge turn off. Also, when according to him, all of his exes were "crazy" or "b*tches" or anything a long those lines ... you might want to look at the common denominator.
MissChita MissChita 8 years
Although we can do anything about the past, and I would 'judge' someone solely on their past, I would take it into consideraton before I got deeply involved with them. I made that mistake of not doing that with my ex. I got deeply involved with him very quickly before I found out about his past. But things always make sense after they are over. LOL. I've learned my lesson.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
it's a fine balance! you have to be weary of some things, but you also have to know, as no two people are the same, your compatibility with him is never going to be the exact same as his with anyone else, and therefore you have to be forward-looking
Tullia Tullia 8 years
past stays in the past! I would focus more on the present!
citizenkane citizenkane 8 years
It kinda depends on what the situations in the past have been. If its something serious like physical abuse, history with drugs, etc. then I would definately take that into consideration before I got too involved with someone. As far as simply who they have dated or how those relationships turned out, no, I wouldn't pay too much attention to it.
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 8 years
well i dont like to think about the past however, if u meet someone with a shady past.....im not saying dont go for it...just put it into consideration and be careful
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
Meh, I try not to read into the past too much. What matters is what we have NOW and how we feel about each other NOW. And to appriciate what you got :)
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