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Do I Just Have Cold Feet?

Group Therapy: Cold Feet or Eye Opener?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm 25 and I'm engaged to my fiance, who is 30, since Sept. 2010. I was over the moon when he proposed. I have always thought that he was the ''ONE."

When the initial buzz of the engagement wore off and family and friends stopped congratulating, in the cold light of day with the ring on my finger, I was starting to feel trapped. I spoke to my fiance about how I was feeling not excited anymore about getting married and it felt like it was a hill to climb before we could get married, as I was made redundant from my job and he was only working part-time. Paying for the wedding was becoming a massive burden.

He suggested that we beg, steal (not actually stealing), and borrow to pay for wedding. So I agreed and we set a date for May 2012. The trapped feeling disappeared and the excitement over took us again. Being the oldest of 25 grandchildren and the first on my side of the family to marry it's become a big deal for my family. But lately as the date of the wedding gets closer and things are getting formalised, the feeling of being trapped has come back.

I have been craving single life again and feel empty toward the wedding. I am hoping it is a dose of cold feet even though I thought it was the men who only got cold feet about marriage. Don't get me wrong here, I truly love my fiance and would be completely lost without him. I just want to try to fix this thing before it's too late and I'm either married and hating it or single again and wanting what I had.

Can anyone offer me advice on this; did anyone prior getting married feel the same or similar? Is this normal or a message that I'm not ready to settle with married life?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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cathych cathych 4 years
Make sure you are really in love with him. Marriage is hard, and you are still young enough to take to time to figure out if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
softkilldoll16 softkilldoll16 4 years
Getting married can feel really overwhelming, like a "that's it?" moment. That's the kind of vibe I'm getting here, like you feel like once you get married the fun will stop and you have to settle. You'll have responsibilty which is a lot to deal with. Being single you have no responsibility towards another person and their lives and their feelings. Which makes you feel in control and independent. Maybe that's what you are needing? To feel in control again? You say you would be lost without your fiance, and maybe that's the problem. No one else should complete you, they should enhance you and compliment you. You should not feel like you are settling when you are going to get married AT ALL. I agree that you should see a counseler who will help you identify why you are feeling so empty. There is something missing, otherwise I don't think you'd be so overwhelming by getting married. If you are going to get married all of you should feel good about it at that moment.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 4 years
I think you're confusing your worries about the wedding with worries about marriage. Try to have the smallest celebration you possibly can. Tell whoever will understand about your anxiety about the wedding. I hope at least some will understand. It's not your job to impress your family with a ridiculously fancy wedding. They'll be upset from what it sounds like, but you know what? They'll get over it. Put on this shirt: http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/i-didnt-come-here-to-impress-none-of-you-motherfuckers/?xid=e7ee772c-54f1-2d64-1936-146b06c94792 and tell them they should be ashamed of themselves if they are putting a day of festivities above you being happy for a really long period of time. Your marriage will be just the same, no matter what happens on your wedding day. I think in this country people focus way to much on a lavish wedding day. Most people end up being disappointed because not everything will go right. I think you really should try to make it a tiny affair and drop the news on everyone now. Then you can stop worrying, and they can start getting used to it. If anyone holds this against you for a long period of time, they're crazy. It's your marriage that counts, not the wedding day.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 4 years
I think you're confusing your worries about the wedding with worries about marriage. Try to have the smallest celebration you possibly can. Tell whoever will understand about your anxiety about the wedding. I hope at least some will understand. It's not your job to impress your family with a ridiculously fancy wedding. They'll be upset from what it sounds like, but you know what? They'll get over it. Put on this shirt: http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/i-didnt-come-here-to-impress-none-of-you-motherfuckers/?xid=e7ee772c-54f1-2d64-1936-146b06c94792and tell them they should be ashamed of themselves if they are putting a day of festivities above you being happy for a really long period of time. Your marriage will be just the same, no matter what happens on your wedding day. I think in this country people focus way to much on a lavish wedding day. Most people end up being disappointed because not everything will go right. I think you really should try to make it a tiny affair and drop the news on everyone now. Then you can stop worrying, and they can start getting used to it. If anyone holds this against you for a long period of time, they're crazy. It's your marriage that counts, not the wedding day.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Get pre-marital counselling so that you know what you're getting into and whether you two are really suited for each other. In any regard, any change makes people nervous, for good or bad. Make sure and move ahead.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Get pre-marital counselling so that you know what you're getting into and whether you two are really suited for each other.In any regard, any change makes people nervous, for good or bad. Make sure and move ahead.
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