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Do Tell: Do You Model Your Own Relationships After Your Parents'?

Do Tell: Do You Model Your Own Relationships After Your Parents'?

Recently a friend of mine going through some serious boyfriend problems used her parents' dating experiences and 35 year marriage as a way to justify staying with the wrong guy. In her mind, if her mom and dad could work though their trials and tribulations, then she and her man could too. Though I didn’t agree with her specific situation, I do understood why she was trying to replicate her parents’ happy relationship.

So if you're one of the lucky ones to have parents that have a loving relationship, do tell, do you try to model your own relationships after theirs? Or are you just the opposite?

Source

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
I am so different than my mother. There's no way my life could ever be the same. How could I model my life after hers? First of all she got married after getting pregnant at 19. That didn't happen to me. I got married and had kids because I planned for it. There's a few good things she taught me in life and I try to keep those things in mind when I need some wisdom. I think maybe that counts for a lot. She would say her marriage is good, but I always felt she and my dad and aren't exactly two peas in a pod.
Blackwood Blackwood 7 years
God I hope not.
Blackwood Blackwood 7 years
God I hope not.
darkangel2305 darkangel2305 7 years
Oh God I hope not... :scared:
darkangel2305 darkangel2305 7 years
Oh God I hope not... :scared:
RaCheer RaCheer 7 years
I can only pray that my marriage will be as blessed as my parents'! :)
bbkf bbkf 7 years
Opposite. My parents hate each other, but stayed married for 20 years "for the kids." My mom now admits that was a stupid idea and was actually harder for my sister and me to have parents that fought constantly than if they had divorced earlier.
TidalWave TidalWave 7 years
yes. whatever my parents have done in their life, i do the opposite.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 7 years
I don't model but I am sure there are some similarities. We do everything together, as do my parents. But there are a lot of differences.
fireannach fireannach 7 years
Although I don't model my relationship after my parents', I am reminded that just because me and my boyfriend have our differences doesn't mean we can't work really well together. My parents are total opposites; my mom is really high strung, pessimistic, sarcastic, and liberal while my dad is the most laid back, nonjudgmental, positive guy with very conservative morals (not religious, though). A lot of times my mom might get stressed out and start screeching at whoever, and my dad just rolls with it and gives her space, then shows up with flowers and a bottle of wine even though he didn't do anything. She also can kick his butt into gear to get him working on everything he puts off because he has no sense of timeliness. Anyway, they've been married now for 25 years and are still really happy and in love even though they aren't carbon copies, and that inspires me to really understand and work with my differences from my boyfriend instead of picking at them.
italianblonde italianblonde 7 years
I definitely look to their relationship to see what I would want to do and what I would never, ever, ever want to do!! But because a lot of people in my family are divorced, and because the divorce rate being what-99.99%? (might as well be), I totally expect to divorce. I know that's terrible and a negative way to look at things, but at least I'll be prepared. I'm still hoping I only have one wedding and marriage to work through!
Meike Meike 7 years
Although my parents have been married for 27 years almost and his parents for 30+ years, my relationship with my husband is very different from theirs because, namely, we are different from both parents. We need to do what is right for us, not what was right for another couple.
emalove emalove 7 years
My parents have been happily married for 36 years and have an amazing relationship, but I don't think anyone should "model" their relationship after someone else's. Everyone has different needs and relates to their partner in a different way. Every relationship is unique.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 7 years
Uhh it really scares me that on top of the divorce statistics so many of us have parents that have remained unhappily married. So 50% of people get divorced, and then maybe 30% of those remaining married have unhappy marriages? Or, at least marriages we wouldn't want? Yikes.
cotedazur cotedazur 7 years
I would LOVE to have a relationship like my parents - they've been married 35 years and are so happy together. I also happened to fall in love with a man who is exactly like my dad :)
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 7 years
I learn what not to do from them. My parents are wonderful at being parents, but no so good at their relationship with each other. There's just zero communication and a lot of misunderstanding.When I find myself acting like one of them in my relationship with my husband, it's like a red light for me to stop what I'm doing so I don't end up like that. Also, I have to hear all about their fights, and I really hate it. I've told my husband that when we have kids I want to make every effort to avoid fighting in front of them. If we disagree, I want them to see how to respectfully disagree with someone and how to reach a compromise.
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 7 years
I learn what not to do from them. My parents are wonderful at being parents, but no so good at their relationship with each other. There's just zero communication and a lot of misunderstanding. When I find myself acting like one of them in my relationship with my husband, it's like a red light for me to stop what I'm doing so I don't end up like that. Also, I have to hear all about their fights, and I really hate it. I've told my husband that when we have kids I want to make every effort to avoid fighting in front of them. If we disagree, I want them to see how to respectfully disagree with someone and how to reach a compromise.
Janine22 Janine22 7 years
hmmm...my parents just finalized their divorce after 38 years of marriage, so I really don't think they are a very good example. Also, they pretty much had a sexless marriage..uhh no thanks. My fiance's parents also had a really bitter divorce. However, he has not let it affect his view of marriage. He said he would marry me tomorrow, but I am nervous to get married because of what I saw my parents go through. I think the lesson I learned is that you cannot expect things to just be good, you have to work at it, and work at really communicating.
anna_muffin anna_muffin 7 years
My dad died when I was 7, but I think my parents were very happy before that and my mom never remarried. I'm not actively modeling my relationship after theirs, but just as them, we're going to get married after 7 years of dating and I'll be the same age as my mom was.
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 7 years
My parents are divorced, and they were never really happy. Their marriage was arranged, and they only saw each other twice before the marriage. Marrying someone/ dating someone I love is the most important thing to me. I learned that from my mom's unsatisfactory past marriage and current marriage.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I'm with the "hell no" group. My parent's marriage is so toxic, it's laughable. They've been unhappily married for over 30 years, and still counting.
bluebird bluebird 7 years
My parents divorced when I was seven, but I have certainly picked up some tips on what NOT to do!!!
britnish britnish 7 years
my parents love each other and are happy. i hope i can one day have the same.
Kazagirl Kazagirl 7 years
Hello NO. I do the complete opposite.
heineken67 heineken67 7 years
My parents have been married for 30 years and have a terrible relationship. My father acts like a spoiled child, and my mother lets him walk all over her. I've always done my best to learn from their bad example and not end up repeating it.
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