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Do Tell: Does Asking For Your Hand Matter to You?

When it comes to marriage, I'm very traditional, which is why it would be a must that my husband-to-be ask my father's permission before proposing to me. I know not everyone shares my sentiment, so tell me, is asking a parental figure for your hand in marriage something that's important to you too? Would you be upset if your boyfriend popped the question without asking permission first, or is it something that doesn't hold that much importance to you?

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loveydovey4 loveydovey4 6 years
Oh jeeze I hope he doesn't! My dad can't keep a secret to save his life! He would be so excited and tell everyone and I would find out before my bf had a chance to propose! I want to be surprised! Just thinking about this has me cracking up :P
JessieSP JessieSP 6 years
Heck no. I don't think a man should have to ask your father before he ask you for your hand in marriage.
Jinx Jinx 6 years
I think it can be a sweet idea, depending on the girls back ground and attitudes toward tradition. But I feel the same as many others here, I'm not into it myself, and anyone asking for my hand should know that it is MY answer that matters. :)
PensaGrey PensaGrey 7 years
Umm... with the photo, are we talking a man and a man marrying? Neither one look like any legal woman's father :D
PensaGrey PensaGrey 7 years
... AMP... :sigh:
PensaGrey PensaGrey 7 years
I don't have a dad... he's off the hook. But! He has to get past my two sons... good luck with that. :D
AMP AMP 7 years
He absolutely has to ask my father first. If he proposes and I find out he didn't ask, I will still make him ask. Its a respect thing.
smaine07 smaine07 7 years
It is really important to me that my boyfriend talks to my dad before asking me..and my boyfriend knows that. i screwed up before and eloped with my ex..it really hurt my dad..i want to do it right the next time around.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
I wouldn't like for my fiance to ask permision, I'm an adult I know what I'm doing, I don't need my parents permision to get marry.
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Also: we've totally had this question before. ;) Have I been here too long?!
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Absolutely not! I would be very surprised if he did ask.
vmruby vmruby 7 years
No..... It didn't matter to me whether he asked or not, I would have married him anyway.My husband did run it by me after we got engaged and before he talked to my mom who was my only living parent at the time.I told him I didn't think it was necessary, but it was something he felt he really wanted to do more out of respect for my family not because he was looking for her permission to marry me....
kimsy kimsy 7 years
No. My husband didn't ask my father, and I think my dad would have laughed at him if he did. Similarly, while my dad walked me down the aisle at the wedding, I wouldn't say he gave me away. He didn't have any lines or anything--I just wanted him there for support and to keep me calm :).
opentypeA opentypeA 7 years
I'm with rocketgirl and cfp
gbychan gbychan 7 years
Gee, this one should've been a poll! :)
green-socks green-socks 7 years
We just had this conversation last night! I don't really care, but I know it's more important to my boyfriend to do it, because he's more traditional. My parents live halfway across the country, and they'd be my first call (which I'm sure they know). But he wants to at least let them know beforehand. Not really permission so much as heads up, I suppose. I'm sure it would also mean a lot to my parents.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 7 years
I wouldn't care if he did or didn't
teegaall teegaall 7 years
I don't know if it's tradition in the Chinese culture to ask for the woman's hand in marriage and I personally wouldn't be miffed if my fiance didn't ask my dad for his blessing first. But if he did do that, I would think it was a sweet gesture.
Colleeninator Colleeninator 7 years
I don't have any real emotional connection with my family. In fact, I avoid most of them the best I can. My husband knows this and didn't ask anyone for permission. In fact, we didn't invite my family to my wedding. Even without my personal situation, I would be very offended and shocked if the person I was dating went to ask my father for his permission. The mindset and ideals that go along with that tradition horrify me (just like the father "giving away" the bride in the wedding).
oohsexypenguin oohsexypenguin 7 years
My husband asked me first, and then I suggested he run it by my parents. I didn't care whether or not he asked my dad for permission first - it is *my* life, after all. But I figured it would be an act of consideration and respect for my husband to at least let them know his intention to marry me.
Muirnea Muirnea 7 years
telewyo: "It would be interesting to see if this question is somewhat age-dependent." It would be very interesting. But I think it might be the opposite of what you say your opinions were and why they changed. B/c I'm only 20 right now, but ever since I've even thought of marriage, I thought the same things I said in my first post up there ^. So it doesn't really have to do with being independent for me, it's b/c of totally different reasons.
Muirnea Muirnea 7 years
EvilDorkGirl: "When it came time, my DH asked my dad. My dad's reply was, "That's not my decision to make, you have to ask her."". Hahaha, that's funny. :D sprinkibrio: "So many traditions come from really ugly ways of thinking that we've turned into prettier thoughts like respect. That bugs me, but I'm no fun." I totally agree too. Those come from the fact that a daughter was pretty much owned by the male in the family, and could pretty much be bought and sold...ummm, no thanks. I don't think traditions should be followed just b/c they are traditions, that's stupid. Think about why the tradition exist then decided whether to carry on with it or not. In this case....NOT. It's very very important to me that my bf asks ME first. I'm the one getting married, I'm the one he loves, I'm the one he's going to spend the rest of his life with. Then we can go to the parents for blessing etc. I don't want anybody to know it's coming before me, I want it to be our (my bf and I) special moment that we can then share with everybody else.
sprinkibrio sprinkibrio 7 years
I'm super close to my dad, but this dad asking before proposal and dad giving away as we walk down the isle reeks to me of those father-daughter virginity pledges that are getting so popular currently. My dad doesn't own my sexuality. So many traditions come from really ugly ways of thinking that we've turned into prettier thoughts like respect. That bugs me, but I'm no fun.
Mod2 Mod2 7 years
I sort of go back and forth with this. On the one hand, I really don't need my father's permission to marry anyone, because I am an adult. But, what about in a situation where the father is expected to pay for the wedding? Is that reason enough for the groom to ask permission?
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