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Do Tell: How Do You Approach a Fight?

When I fight with a boyfriend, I have a tendency to yell and then cry, even though I offer up all kinds of advice on how to fight fairly! After a knock down, drag out fight, I realized that shouting isn't as effective as talking calmly, but sometimes my emotions just get the best of me. So ladies, do tell: What's your fighting technique? Do you argue rationally, in a calm tone so you can get your points across or do you let your emotions get the best of you and blow your top when you're hurt or upset?

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judylai81 judylai81 8 years
Oh I also think a good rule to have is to never to go bed angry... That works well too!
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 8 years
Those people in the picture look like they are laughing not screaming lol.
caraleaf24 caraleaf24 8 years
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years and we haven't had a single serious fight. The main reason is because neither of us sees the reason to do so. But, don't get me wrong he can really piss me off sometimes. When that happens, I usually just let it drop for a while. If I can't stop thinking about it and its still bothering me like the next day or whatever, I try to figure out a head of time what I'm going to say and I sit him down and tell him what's bothering me. This works amazingly well (for the most part) and sometimes I still have to just drop it because I'm being ridiculous but it definitely works 1,000,000x better than the way I fought with my ex....
behemoth_the_cat behemoth_the_cat 8 years
i start out talking calmly but then usually end up crying. I hate shouting, though. I never let myself of my boyfriend shout or start calling each other names when we're fighting. if it comes to that, i just walk out.
judylai81 judylai81 8 years
I think when it comes to arguing ... one should never ever do the blaming game ... cuz each person usually thinks they are right. I think the best thing to do it tell eachother how you each feel and get the issue resolved so it never happens again. That works for my hubbie & I.
anniechacha anniechacha 8 years
I'm with nikodarling. I hate confrontation (very much like my mother) I tend to shut down and sometimes pull the silent treatment (that's is pure dad). But, I've been working on it and have come to realize that dealing with the actual situation is never as bad as thinking and worrying about it. This is one point where maturity is really helping.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 8 years
K8Rckstr, YES! I do the same thing with the big words... I can't help myself!
bbkf bbkf 8 years
My husband and I never fight. Ever. We don't agree on everything, but it just ends with "well, I don't agree."
mrspiven mrspiven 8 years
i rarely get in arguments with my boyfriend because he's so laid-back, so when we do argue its usually because i start yelling (as much as i hate to admit it.) i cannot control my temper and i just flare up and scream and yell, and it takes me forever to admit when i'm wrong. lucky for me, he's not the same so he can calm me down and talk me out of my tantrums after a bit.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
When my BF and I argue, neither of us yells or screams, but we do have a certain tone of voice that is unmistakably pissed. We're both logical, and we both respect each other, so our fights would probably come across like a high school debate rather than a fight between couples.Last time we were fighting, I went downstairs and picked up one of our cats and he was so smitten by the cat that he came over and basically said he didn't want to fight anymore and that I used unfair advantage to get him to apologize. Kind of funny, but I have a feeling we're going to be using this technique with each other from time to time :)
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
When my BF and I argue, neither of us yells or screams, but we do have a certain tone of voice that is unmistakably pissed. We're both logical, and we both respect each other, so our fights would probably come across like a high school debate rather than a fight between couples. Last time we were fighting, I went downstairs and picked up one of our cats and he was so smitten by the cat that he came over and basically said he didn't want to fight anymore and that I used unfair advantage to get him to apologize. Kind of funny, but I have a feeling we're going to be using this technique with each other from time to time :)
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
We don't yell, we talk loudly.Then he'll pull out a showstopping comment that really hits an insecurity and walk off leaving me crying.Then he'll come back a couple of hours later and apologise. He knows when he's crossed the line and needs to apologise!
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
We don't yell, we talk loudly. Then he'll pull out a showstopping comment that really hits an insecurity and walk off leaving me crying. Then he'll come back a couple of hours later and apologise. He knows when he's crossed the line and needs to apologise!
totonlaura totonlaura 8 years
We don't yell! We both know that yelling is not going to get our point across any better than just sitting down and talking. I agree we don't let the little things bother us so much.
nikodarling nikodarling 8 years
I've never been a yeller. I tend to go the opposite way and get very quiet and shut down which is just as bad. I think there are times for everybody when their emotions get the better of them, but honestly the only way to solve any problem is to rationally and calmly discuss it like adults. If only I could learn to do this in real life.
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 8 years
I make it extremely clear what it is I don't like and how I think the behavior should change. sometimes I think I come off sounding bossy, but in previous relationships I've been passive-aggressive about things I don't like, and that doesn't solve ANYTHING. So now, I say, "I really didn't like that. Please don't do that again." right after the action to avoid a fight completely. I definitely apologize if I did something wrong though...I'm not out to get him, I'm trying to fix a problem between the two of us. the thing is...my boyfriend is totally different than me, lol. I WISH he'd do what I do and be like, "JILL! stop that!" and that would be the end of it, but he'll JOKE. and JOKE. and JOKE. and I will ignore all of his jokes thinking that he's kidding when he really has an actual problem. and then he'll blow up. lol. leaving me very hurt and like "whoa this is out of the blue..." etc. he's adjusted pretty well to how blunt I am, but I reeally have to make sure I'm listening to what he's saying in between the lines!
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 8 years
I make it extremely clear what it is I don't like and how I think the behavior should change. sometimes I think I come off sounding bossy, but in previous relationships I've been passive-aggressive about things I don't like, and that doesn't solve ANYTHING. So now, I say, "I really didn't like that. Please don't do that again." right after the action to avoid a fight completely. I definitely apologize if I did something wrong though...I'm not out to get him, I'm trying to fix a problem between the two of us. the thing is...my boyfriend is totally different than me, lol. I WISH he'd do what I do and be like, "JILL! stop that!" and that would be the end of it, but he'll JOKE. and JOKE. and JOKE. and I will ignore all of his jokes thinking that he's kidding when he really has an actual problem.and then he'll blow up. lol. leaving me very hurt and like "whoa this is out of the blue..." etc. he's adjusted pretty well to how blunt I am, but I reeally have to make sure I'm listening to what he's saying in between the lines!
Greggie Greggie 8 years
I don't. We don't fight. That's him, not me. It's hard to fight with someone who works it out logically rather than fight back.
indielove indielove 8 years
I'm with Kristinh and k8 rckstr.
lovelylei lovelylei 8 years
I need to work on this as well. My emotions go way over board unfortunately and I tend to say unnecessary mean things. I hate it and don't know how to control it. I was starting to think it was from taking birth control pills because of how they mess with my hormones but who knows...
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
Kristinh1012 Im exactly the same way... I'll take subtle jabs calmly...and I won't raise my voice...but I'll do it in a sort of condescending manner sometimes...use real big words so he's like "what the hell are you talking about"...then he gets mad and blows up and it gets out of control... definitely something we need to work on lol...
mjcrazy22 mjcrazy22 8 years
When me and my bf fight, I have a tendency to act like nothing is wrong when there clearly is. This pisses him off because I'm not opening up to him, and I get more pissed off when he constantly nags me about whats wrong. I end up insulting him and being mean to him, and eventually it drags out to a point where we're both just yelling disses at each other. It's childish and mostly my fault because I never sit down and talk about it, I usually just drag it out. I wish I wasn't like this but I have trouble straying away from the problem. Any advice?
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 8 years
OH, but I DO willingly admit if I am wrong and apologize too!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 8 years
When I fight I usually go through stages, calm, then I turn into a wise A** and get him going, then I yell, and then I stop saying anything at all and decide I don't care what he has to say I don't want to hear it. (Especially because I tend to feel I am ALWAYS right).
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
I'm with Sass on this! We mainly don't let the small things bug us!Buuuuttt I definalty know when something is up with my man. He will go all quiet and kind of ignore me.I don't get mad, i just ask him what's wrong and usually he'll say nothing or not answer but I will start to get all close and rub his back or his neck and ask him and tell him to talk to me, because that's they only way it's going to get better and change.Evertally he will talk to me and we will work it out together, not fighting, not yelling, just talking.
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