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Do Tell: How Has Divorce Impacted Your Life?


Last week when we discussed the assumption that a mother should get the children when a couple splits, a few of you mentioned your own experiences dealing with divorce.

I've known some people who were really troubled by their parents' breakup, and others who said it was the best thing that ever happened to their family. If your parents divorced, how did it affect you?


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aklatina aklatina 6 years
Im 22, married, Its time to fly the coop and the only thing i can think of is the acheing heart of leaving my lonley cookey mother behind to live the rest of her life alone because my dad cheated on her and divorced her after 20 years of marriage. Instead of awesome honeymoon and wedding thoughts, my heart is filled with greif, shes extremely attached to her kids, and now there both married off, what does she have to live for? my dad has moved he has a new wife and child, and my mom lives in a molding crummpy falling apart home, and i dont have enough money to move her out, im sure this is not how she pictured her life.... sometimes i wish i was never born, so maybe she would have started a new life after he left. she wont better herself, she thinks shes stupid..... what can i do?nothing..
ms-jamerz ms-jamerz 6 years
My parents divorce, my grandparents dysfunctional marriage as well as friend's/boyfriend's parents divorce and/or separations has strangely impacted me in a positive way. Even though life has been hell, I know that I never want to have a marriage like either of them. I see what mistakes or negative choices they've made and in a way have learned what NOT to do from them. My boyfriend of 4 years and I both have family hell but have vowed to break the cycle with our relationship, future marriage and life together.
ella1978 ella1978 6 years
My parents waited til my sister and I were both grown and gone to get a divorce, but it has still been ugly, and my sister and I are in the middle of it. We are catholic, and they were married in the catholic church. They are not getting an annulment because that would be admitting that their marriage never happened, and neither want to do that. However my mother has moved on, she has a boyfriend (they say fiance, but I don't see them getting married ever) and my dad says that regardless of them being legally divorced, in the eyes of the church, they are still a couple, and he feels that she is being totally wrong with her lifestyle. Meanwhile I'm trying to plan a wedding, and I can't even have them in the same room together. They have been divorced for almost four years. I don't see my father ever moving on, and it puts my sister and I in a very awkward place. Splitting holidays (for me three ways w/ my fiance's family) bringing mail to my dad's new house for them, having to not invite one of my parents to all my parties so that there is no awkwardness, basically having to choose one over the other every weekend. They always fought growing up, but it almost became comfortable for them. My mom went thru a mid life crisis, felt like she lost her younger years, and decided it was over. It's been pretty miserable every since. It definitely made me wonder if marriage was even worth it. Luckily my fiance has been thru hell too, and we are confident we belong together.
ella1978 ella1978 6 years
My parents waited til my sister and I were both grown and gone to get a divorce, but it has still been ugly, and my sister and I are in the middle of it. We are catholic, and they were married in the catholic church. They are not getting an annulment because that would be admitting that their marriage never happened, and neither want to do that. However my mother has moved on, she has a boyfriend (they say fiance, but I don't see them getting married ever) and my dad says that regardless of them being legally divorced, in the eyes of the church, they are still a couple, and he feels that she is being totally wrong with her lifestyle.Meanwhile I'm trying to plan a wedding, and I can't even have them in the same room together. They have been divorced for almost four years. I don't see my father ever moving on, and it puts my sister and I in a very awkward place. Splitting holidays (for me three ways w/ my fiance's family) bringing mail to my dad's new house for them, having to not invite one of my parents to all my parties so that there is no awkwardness, basically having to choose one over the other every weekend.They always fought growing up, but it almost became comfortable for them. My mom went thru a mid life crisis, felt like she lost her younger years, and decided it was over. It's been pretty miserable every since. It definitely made me wonder if marriage was even worth it. Luckily my fiance has been thru hell too, and we are confident we belong together.
luna08 luna08 6 years
I WISH my mom had divorced my dad! My life would have been so much better! It's funny, because even though my dad was the "enemy" growing up, I found out in therapy how much anger I had towards my mom. I truely felt that I wasn't worth her leaving an abusive husband and father. That she wasn't willing to find the courage to do that for her children.
miriah15 miriah15 6 years
My 'rents got divorced when I was in grade 8. I didn't care whatsoever then, but now I'm 21 and wish I could just hang out with BOTH parents at the same time. It's exhausting splitting my time between them.
Hiding55 Hiding55 6 years
My parents are still married, but sleep in separate bedrooms. At the age of 29 I can honestly not say whether it would have a bad thing or a good thing if they had gotten divorced. I know they never will.
tarabara1229 tarabara1229 6 years
I am an only child and my parents got divorced when I was 5 years old. At first, it wasn't such an issue, as my parents had joint custody. I lived mostly with my mom, but my dad worked at the same school I went to, so I saw him every day. The problems started after I graduated high school and moved to CA for college. My dad moved to the Philippines and we had no contact. He moved back to the states after losing all his money and our only form of communication is through text messaging every few months or so. I feel bad to see him down and out, living off of food stamps, so I send him money every now and then. I don't think it's the best idea, but I don't know what else I can do. I doubt there's anything I can do to patch our relationship.
simplyfab87 simplyfab87 6 years
Divorce made my life so much better. My dad never married my mom but he was awful to her, and she eventually left which was the best thing to happen to me. Then my dad married by first step mom and she beat the crap out of me everyday for four years. I hated that woman. My dad eventually left her and we moved to the US, where my dad is married to the best woman ever. His first divorce enabled me to have a happy life and not live in fear of the tiniest thing resulting in a beating. Now my current step mom is thinking of divorcing my dad because he has cheated on her countless times and never appreciates anything and I'm all for it. She deserves so much better than him.
simplyfab87 simplyfab87 6 years
Divorce made my life so much better. My dad never married my mom but he was awful to her, and she eventually left which was the best thing to happen to me. Then my dad married by first step mom and she beat the crap out of me everyday for four years. I hated that woman. My dad eventually left her and we moved to the US, where my dad is married to the best woman ever. His first divorce enabled me to have a happy life and not live in fear of the tiniest thing resulting in a beating.Now my current step mom is thinking of divorcing my dad because he has cheated on her countless times and never appreciates anything and I'm all for it. She deserves so much better than him.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 6 years
My boyfriend says the day his dad left was the happiest day of his life. The more I learned about the situation, the more I understood why the divorce was such a blessing for him. There are so many different, complicated situations. Sometimes it's for the best.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 6 years
My boyfriend says the day his dad left was the happiest day of his life.The more I learned about the situation, the more I understood why the divorce was such a blessing for him.There are so many different, complicated situations. Sometimes it's for the best.
bethinabox bethinabox 6 years
My parents are actually in the process right now. They've separated a couple of times for short periods of time, but this time they're actually staying apart and getting a divorce. I'm okay with the whole thing. I never heard them fight or anything, but if they aren't happy together and want to split up I support them. I'm 20 and my brother is 21, so there's no custody issues or anything. The biggest change is going to be that my mother has decided to move back to the Pittsburgh area, while my dad is staying here in Massachusetts, and since I go to school here it'll be a little strange being so far from my mother.
Briandiesel Briandiesel 6 years
My parents got divorced when I was in 6th grade, my brother in 8th. We stayed with our dad and our mom moved about 10 miles away. Nothing really changed, we saw each parent a lot and I never felt weird about not living with her although people always acted shocked when we'd say we lived with dad..
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
Divorce absolutely ruined my life. I was the only child left at home when my parents separated and i was never given a real reason why it was all happening, up untill that moment i had never even heard my parents raise thier voice at eachother!As the divorce happened, i was put smack in the middle of it, literally torn apart. I needed my parents and neither were there for me. I developed an eating disorder, depression, failed school. I was scared of relationships afterwards because if my parents seemed perfect and this could happen? it could happen to me. I turned to drugs, and alcohol and sex later in life to fill the hole where my family used to be. I now no longer speak to my dad, and i cannot look at pictures from my childhood without crying. hows that?
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
Divorce absolutely ruined my life. I was the only child left at home when my parents separated and i was never given a real reason why it was all happening, up untill that moment i had never even heard my parents raise thier voice at eachother!As the divorce happened, i was put smack in the middle of it, literally torn apart. I needed my parents and neither were there for me. I developed an eating disorder, depression, failed school. I was scared of relationships afterwards because if my parents seemed perfect and this could happen? it could happen to me. I turned to drugs, and alcohol and sex later in life to fill the hole where my family used to be. I now no longer speak to my dad, and i cannot look at pictures from my childhood without crying. hows that?
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
Oh, and I wanted to add that my dad's behavior made me wary of men, and made me wary of marriage. I think I'm still a bit jaded, because seeing my mom suffer was very, very painful for me. I think I over-compensate now, so I never become a doormat, I never become weak, and I never seem out of control. I behave sometimes like I am in an abusive relationship, and I am not. I have nothing to fear right now, but I still always think about the worst that could happen. I feel secure in my relationship -- to an extent. It's hard to admit that it's had an impact on my relationships and views on relationships/marriage.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
Well, there are a few sides to my story. The looming divorce made life worse. My dad moved out when I was 13, came back when I was 14. I didn't see him for a year. He came back and never apologized to my mom for cheating, or putting drugs, booze, other women, his hobbies first. That should have been a sign. About 4 months later, he threatened divorce again. My mom, instead of saying "f*ck you", stayed and dealt with his threats and bad, abusive behavior for another 3 years, when my dad finally filed for divorce again, and they split up for good. Those 3 years were miserable. I wanted my parents divorced since I was 9, and even told my teachers that they were going to divorce and wanted them to. I was 18 when it was official, and I felt a sense of peace. I felt like my mom and brother could move on with their lives, and I had moved on many years ago. The whole process really took a lot out of my mom and brother. They were really sad, and still do get sad. However, I think for every party, it made life better. My mom is much better off and needs someone who loves her and respects her. My brother didn't deserve a dad that was a d-bag. I don't speak to my dad any longer, because of the way he treated me. What's funny is that he thought he tore a family apart, and it's funny that my brother, my mom and I were the family -- he was never apart. We are still intact. No tears on my end, and my mom and brother's tears stopped years ago. Their divorce didn't end anything, but started many great things.
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