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Do Tell: What do you Consider Cheating?

Being in a relationship takes a lot of work. Even if you're deeply in love with your significant other, we all have wandering eyes from time to time. But do you think that is OK? Since so many of us spend more time at work and with co-workers rather than with our loved ones, it's not uncommon for new friendships to blossom, many times with the opposite sex which poses the age old question of can men and women be friends? Since you can't keep your boyfriend or girlfriend locked up whenever you're not around, sometimes the line gets incredibly thin between being friendly and being friendly with the opposite sex while in a relationship. So ladies, do tell, what do you consider cheating?

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sugar-n-spice sugar-n-spice 9 years
Sure guys and girls can be friends! But don't let it be an exclusive relationship! When it crosses the line of exclusive then its alllll downhill from there.
katiegal1978 katiegal1978 9 years
I think the obvious is making out with someone else or having sex with them. But my most recent boyfriend actually had text relationships with girls. His phone was always with him, he would never leave it around he would even get into the shower and leave the phone in the bathroom. That was the first sign!!!! We both had profiles on facebook with the main picture being of both of us and some girl wrote to him shocked that he had a girlfriend after all the naughty text messages that were sent to her the night before, she later forwarded me the email. I agree that cheating can be just as mental as it is physical, he never actually met up with these girls but he led a completely different life with his cell phone. If you are intending on cheating mentally and/or physically you should just end the relationship before someone gets hurt.
fan-girl fan-girl 9 years
I agree with what DCStar and rubialala said. I once heard it said that a fantasy is dangerous when it is about someone other than your SO because if the situation ever presented itself in reality, you've already trained your mind to cheat.
sdelrosa sdelrosa 9 years
I feel that if the male or female in the relationship use any actions that may cause the other person to get upset or jealous, this is considered cheating. If I am out at a bar dancing with another man, it should not be considered cheating. If there is chemistry and touching, I should think about how my boyfriedn would feel if he was there watching. I am a big believer in karma, so if I can't do it, neither can he. If he does it, then so can I. It is not good to be resentful though. My last relationship my bf and I had several big arguments about him calling ex girlfriends after midnight, and what for, I can only imagine. So I told him if he could do it, I could too. I started talking to other males, although not exes, and pretty soon it lead to cheating, as I was resentful. Resentment is not a good path to walk down, and only sets up the relationship for failure.
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 9 years
It's fine for your s/o to have friends of the opposite sex- I think it's really indicative of a deeper trust, as long as those friends respect you and your s/o knows who comes first. I have several guy friends (we've all been friends since first grade, we're in college now) and my guy knows that the last thing I would do is ruin a great thing with people who are like brothers to me, lol. as for all of his girl friends, it was a little hard to get used to at first, but I know that my boyfriend is just a friendly guy, and the type that would never cheat on me. Honestly. As far as cheating goes, I consider any unnecessary contact cheating. Like, massages, neck rubs, etc. That's when things get into a flirty atmosphere and you're really putting yourself into a dangerous spot. Anything that you wouldn't do with a friend of the same sex. Hugging of course is fine, whatever, but when it gets that more intimate feeling...cut it off.
herjoiedevivre herjoiedevivre 9 years
It's fine for your s/o to have friends of the opposite sex- I think it's really indicative of a deeper trust, as long as those friends respect you and your s/o knows who comes first. I have several guy friends (we've all been friends since first grade, we're in college now) and my guy knows that the last thing I would do is ruin a great thing with people who are like brothers to me, lol. as for all of his girl friends, it was a little hard to get used to at first, but I know that my boyfriend is just a friendly guy, and the type that would never cheat on me. Honestly.As far as cheating goes, I consider any unnecessary contact cheating. Like, massages, neck rubs, etc. That's when things get into a flirty atmosphere and you're really putting yourself into a dangerous spot. Anything that you wouldn't do with a friend of the same sex. Hugging of course is fine, whatever, but when it gets that more intimate feeling...cut it off.
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
I LOOOOVED marci's comment! I think the same thing about relationships...I also am totally in love with my bf and don't find anyone else as attractive as him. Now, him being a guy I know can find like 29038275327419028497235732 more attractive women out there than me, but as long as doesn't do anything beyond chatting with any women he meets when we go out, then it's fine. Guys can have girl pals too...as long as they and he knows there are bounderies and respect that he's in a relationship, then there's no problems. My bf has lots of girl and guy pals and I'm comfortable with all of them cuz they respect me and they don't push any bounderies when they're hanging out, and for that, I respect them.
tralalala tralalala 9 years
I was going to quote Seinfeld for the second time tonight (When the nipple makes an appearance) but then I thought of a situation when that wouldn't be cheating (one of my friend's got implants and pretty much everyone saw and touched them, including guys and girls with significant others haha, that's not cheating.) kissing isn't always cheating, I kiss all my friends, it doesn't mean anything, same with hugging and handholding. I think cheating starts when the tongue leaves the mouth.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 9 years
hey Dear...this post was a great idea. I mentioned it to my boyf and it opened a discussion to see if our boundaries are the same. We are 99.9% on the same page. the .1% is a specific situation i brought up to him that we differed on opinoikns on, but now that we know each other's opinions, we know what is and is not okay!
reese05 reese05 9 years
It's cheating when deep inside of him he KNOWS that he is cheating!
sweetrae80 sweetrae80 9 years
I think that mild flirting and hanging out with members of the opposite (or same) sex shouldn't be considered cheating. Likewise, I don't think that fantasizing about other people is cheating. I think it's natural to get aroused by multiple people even if you are in a loving and monogamous relationship. I have never cheated on a significant other but I don't feel guilty for thoughts I may have that don't involve my bf. Like so many others said, I think that actions and especially intent, are what matter most. I think if someone propositions you or makes advances you should make it very clear that you are in a relationship and NOT interested. And obviously, if you are in a happy relationship, don't try to make things happen with another person. Duh!
sweetrae80 sweetrae80 9 years
I think that mild flirting and hanging out with members of the opposite (or same) sex shouldn't be considered cheating. Likewise, I don't think that fantasizing about other people is cheating. I think it's natural to get aroused by multiple people even if you are in a loving and monogamous relationship. I have never cheated on a significant other but I don't feel guilty for thoughts I may have that don't involve my bf. Like so many others said, I think that actions and especially intent, are what matter most. I think if someone propositions you or makes advances you should make it very clear that you are in a relationship and NOT interested. And obviously, if you are in a happy relationship, don't try to make things happen with another person. Duh!
Marci Marci 9 years
When I'm in love with someone, I'm not the slightest bit interested in anyone else on a physical level. I may enjoy a mild flirtation, but I'd put the brakes on the instant any physicality comes into play. So I think kissing, hand holding - it should be off limits if you're really into your relationship. Where there's smoke there's fire, and given all the right circumstances, a lot of trouble can come out of those 'innocent' kisses and hand holdings.That being said - I DO think some men and women can be friends and nothing more. But it's the exception rather than the norm.
Marci Marci 9 years
When I'm in love with someone, I'm not the slightest bit interested in anyone else on a physical level. I may enjoy a mild flirtation, but I'd put the brakes on the instant any physicality comes into play. So I think kissing, hand holding - it should be off limits if you're really into your relationship. Where there's smoke there's fire, and given all the right circumstances, a lot of trouble can come out of those 'innocent' kisses and hand holdings. That being said - I DO think some men and women can be friends and nothing more. But it's the exception rather than the norm.
demeter demeter 9 years
Kissing and everything else after that is cheating.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
There was just an article in Redbook magazine this month on "Emotional Cheating." It was quite an interesting read. And summer roberts said it PERFECTLY. If you would be embarassed if your SO saw whatever you were doing, then that is cheating in my book. Because honestly at that point, there's something wrong.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I think summer roberts said it well.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I think summer roberts said it well.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
I agree with summer roberts, that is a wonderful way of putting it.
divalicious23 divalicious23 9 years
By the way I don't believe a man and a woman can be best friend if they're both single. I know it sounds shallow but I don't know anyone that can do this? They always end up in bed together or nearly do and then they flirt..I find this sort of friendship really boring.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
DCStar- I am totally with you. I read an article once that an emotional relationship with a perosn of the opposite sex is almost just as bad as having a random one night stand. Becuase the emotional connection is really something that is almost a long haul type relationship. UNLESS you have been friends with the guy and you both know that things are totally platonic (and will always be....).
marthalilian126 marthalilian126 9 years
There are different kinds of cheating, some that are much less apparent than others. Emotional cheating can ruin a relationship as much as physically cheating on someone. I mean, how can you continue a relationship when your significant other always runs to someone else with his or her problem? Or feels the need to update this friend on every mundane detail of his or her life? If an emotional barrier is created during a relationship, it can be just as hard to overcome. That being said, I do not tolerate any form of cheating. Having sex, kissing, groping -- all the same in my book. A little harmless flirting here and there is just fine as long as there is no actual intention of following through.
divalicious23 divalicious23 9 years
Cheating is when you want to be closer to someone else emotionally and physically other than your partner. I think emotional cheating is just as bad as the physical one. You know usually emotional ones are the ones that end up doing a lot more damage than a quick sex.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
i remember in sex & the city, think it was samantha who said the act of cheating is defined by whether one gets caught! sort of makes weird sense i think.honestly, i consider having sexual thoughts about someone and then trying to act on it while u r attached is cheating. or even when you go beyond the normal friendship line....but it is really hard to define such emotional grey areas. the sexual line is much easier to define.
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