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Do Tell: When You Confide in a Friend, Do You Preface With "Please Don't Tell Anyone"?

Do Tell: When You Confide in a Friend, Do You Preface With "Please Don't Tell Anyone"?

I like to pride myself on being a loyal, trustworthy friend, so when someone prefaces a secret or intimate conversation with "please don't tell anyone," I can't help but be a little offended. While I understand the notion of reiterating the importance of keeping a secret under wraps, I just assume that's standard friendship protocol. I could be a little too trusting, so ladies, do tell: When you confide in a good friend, do you still preface your confidential information with a "please just keep this between me and you"?

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jennjennnbubba jennjennnbubba 8 years
no I never say that, I may have in high school a few times but not on a regular
shafiii shafiii 8 years
I feel like if your really good friends with someone, you shouldn't have to say it or have it said to you. the person should be trusted enough and you should be trusted enough. i get really offended when one of my best friends does this and she does this often.
Lyv Lyv 8 years
Well, yeah! What if my friend doesn't think it's a big deal? Or maybe she thinks that since we're both really close to a third person, it's cool to tell that person too? Or maybe she thinks it won't be any harm to tell, say, her mom, but you don't want her mom judging you. There are so many possibilities. When you want a secret kept, you have to be safe.
girlie871 girlie871 8 years
I always assumed that with good friends I wouldn't have to say "don't tell anyone" but ive been wrong before and now even if i feel that I probably don't have to say it, I feel safer doing so.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Yes, when the subject is sensitive and touchy for me. Absolutely. I would let her know under no uncertain terms that I would want her to keep this to herself. Likewise, I've had friends that asked me to do that for them, which of course, I do. Figuratively, I put their information in "my vault," where it's safe and guarded.
blooditsnotfunny blooditsnotfunny 8 years
When I made the mistake of thinking that I was too old to preface my secrets with that phrase, I ended up losing a bunch of friends!! The friend who told was like "I didn't know you didn't want me to tell anyone.. you never said that" My advice is to always preface things with that... People talk!
blooditsnotfunny blooditsnotfunny 8 years
When I made the mistake of thinking that I was too old to preface my secrets with that phrase, I ended up losing a bunch of friends!! The friend who told was like "I didn't know you didn't want me to tell anyone.. you never said that" My advice is to always preface things with that... People talk!
emalove emalove 8 years
I can't remember the last time I said this...if it's something that I'd be nervous of others finding out, I would probably just keep it to myself in the first place.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
Please don't tell anyone is just asking for them to tell everyone they know because it's such a huge secret. I'd say something like you're the only one I'm telling this too so the person feels like they're your confidant and are less likely to spill to someone else.
looseseal looseseal 8 years
I'm fiercely protective of any info my friends tell me. I'm not the sharing type. I wouldn't take offense if someone were to preface something, though. It's just a reminder to be extra careful about that bit of info because it's especially important to the friend that it doesn't get around. I can respect that. So likewise, I'd preface something if I really feel the info warrants it. It wouldn't be because I feel like the friend would blab, because if I feel that way even a little bit, I wouldn't tell the friend anything in the first place.I'm of the mind that you can't expect people to be mind readers about how secret your info is.
looseseal looseseal 8 years
I'm fiercely protective of any info my friends tell me. I'm not the sharing type. I wouldn't take offense if someone were to preface something, though. It's just a reminder to be extra careful about that bit of info because it's especially important to the friend that it doesn't get around. I can respect that. So likewise, I'd preface something if I really feel the info warrants it. It wouldn't be because I feel like the friend would blab, because if I feel that way even a little bit, I wouldn't tell the friend anything in the first place. I'm of the mind that you can't expect people to be mind readers about how secret your info is.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
Umm if I'm confiding in a friend about something I'd like to assume this is a given. I don't think I should have to state a disclaimer.
nikodarling nikodarling 8 years
Yes. Some of my friends are total blabbermouths if I don't want a specific piece of information to get out I have to specify that it is private.
Lambsauce Lambsauce 8 years
I always say that when I want to keep something secret.Of course, I don't really have any friends that would understand intuitively that something is meant to be secret. And since others mentioned their families--with mine, even saying that wouldn't make a difference. If I ever tell anyone, with the exception of one aunt, in my family ANYthing at all, EVERYONE in the family knows within the hour. (Oh, how I wish I were exaggerating. I'm pretty sure my younger cousin knows what brand of birth control I'm on.)
Lambsauce Lambsauce 8 years
I always say that when I want to keep something secret. Of course, I don't really have any friends that would understand intuitively that something is meant to be secret. And since others mentioned their families--with mine, even saying that wouldn't make a difference. If I ever tell anyone, with the exception of one aunt, in my family ANYthing at all, EVERYONE in the family knows within the hour. (Oh, how I wish I were exaggerating. I'm pretty sure my younger cousin knows what brand of birth control I'm on.)
darkangel2305 darkangel2305 8 years
I mostly trust my friends, but friends also have SO and family that sometimes they share info with or like to confide in. I always like to clear it up when it is something very important/private that I wouldnt like anyone else to know. Even though knowing human nature, I tend not to share details I wouldnt want ANYONE to know. I totally overshare and I am ok with that, but there are certain little things that NO ONE knows and I keep it that way.
Jeny Jeny 8 years
absolutely!
Jeny Jeny 8 years
absolutely!
mtothawhat mtothawhat 8 years
Like a few of the other posters said, I say that to my mother because the next time I see my grandma she'll ask me about it along with the rest of the women in my family. Soo annoying! And I usually don't spill something to someone else that I want to keep private. Suprisingly (sp) my best friend who's a guy and my S/O are the only ones who know EVERYTHING about me. The girls I know tend to spill by "accident" and swear that the person they told won't say anything.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 8 years
It depends on the person I'm talking to as well as how private the information is. With my best friends, I almost never preface anything.
zombielove zombielove 8 years
the girlfriends i have and i are all really really good friends, and we all have a habit of telling eachother things we've talked about with other friends...but i do say "you better not f%^^# tell anyone!" just because it's a habit of mine haha
cleegiants cleegiants 8 years
i usually don't tell people things that i think would be spread amongst others. although i did recently tell one friend something that i want kept between us! i only have a couple of close friends that i tell really personal information, and we're close enough not to mind if someone says "don't tell anybody else". and so far, i haven't been burned, nor spilled the beans.
lolababy575 lolababy575 8 years
My rather large group of friends has been intact for so long that we all know a lot about each others business. We went through high school, and now we are coming to the end of college - it's just natural. So when I need to confide a certain bit of information I just say "this conversation is between us" to make sure that it stays that way. I rarely ever say it because it doesn't matter too much with us.
Liss1 Liss1 8 years
Usually i do, now. Once at work i told my boss something that happened to me, thinking that it wouldn't be repeated and she told EVERYONE in the office, i was so upset. I guess it was my fault i didn't tell her not to but it was the sort of thing that she should have figured i didn't want the whole office to know.
heineken67 heineken67 8 years
I do with everything I tell my mother, otherwise the whole family and half my hometown will find out.
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