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Do You Check Out the Ex?

Here's a poll from OnSugar blog Sex Lies & Dating in the City.

You know how some topics just seem to keep coming up? Over and over. Well lately it seems like wherever I look, people are talking about their partner's ex. Specifically that they're facebook stalking the exes, or obsessing about the ex in some other way.

I gotta say, I find this bizarre Not in a judgy way, more in a I've moved to a new country and everyone behaves differently way.

I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that I've only ever googled a guy's ex two times and each time I had a pretty compelling reason to. The first time was when I was dating one of the guys with a stalker (real stalker, restraining order and all that). The stalker started to stalk his ex-wife, too. So I asked him how the stalker found his ex-wife and he said she was pretty easy to find, that there was something on google that had both of their names and then when you just googled her. So I had to. It was practically a requirement (and that's when I found out that I was basically the younger version of her, uber-creepy).

The next time was also a requirement. I was dating someone who mentioned his ex-wife (it was in relation to a story about their son) in a very, you know, kind of way. The tone of his voice made it seem like he assumed I knew who she was. And I didn't. Of course, when I got home that night I immediately googled him and there, on the 2nd or 3rd page, she was. She was/is a actress. I'm so not into web-stalking my dates (really, really not) that I didn't bother reading enough of his google hits (back when we first starting dating and I googled him for some basic info) to find her. But then once I did, I had to dig further into her.

Anyway, for today's question I want to know if I'm weird for never checking this stuff out and then checking in (all the time) on the exes. Is that kind of thing the norm? Do you cyber-stalk your date's/significant other's ex?

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Allytta Allytta 6 years
i don't know anything about my boy's exes. we keep ex files closed. so i don't have a name to google. if i did - i'd check it out :) but not obsess, what's the point?
mix-tape mix-tape 6 years
I just did this. I feel so ashamed, but he portrayed her as being such a crazy girl that I HAD TO look her up! Didn't really find that much info on her, just looked at pictures mostly.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I don't want to offend the people that keep saying they do it out of sheer curiosity, but I think it's more out of insecurity than curiosity. If you want to know what she looks like, what she's interested in, yadda yadda yadda, it seems like you're already starting some sort of weird competition. Exes are exes, most of us have 'em, just forget about it. I hate when people get into a relationship and pretend like their new significant other was supposed to be some celibate monk before they started dating. We've all got a past. And that's exactly what it is- PAST. Move on and don't worry about it. He/she is with you now, so you should feel better about it.I'm more into checking out the guy I'm dating. It's good to know you're not about to head into a relationship with a manipulative criminal haha
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I don't want to offend the people that keep saying they do it out of sheer curiosity, but I think it's more out of insecurity than curiosity. If you want to know what she looks like, what she's interested in, yadda yadda yadda, it seems like you're already starting some sort of weird competition. Exes are exes, most of us have 'em, just forget about it. I hate when people get into a relationship and pretend like their new significant other was supposed to be some celibate monk before they started dating. We've all got a past. And that's exactly what it is- PAST. Move on and don't worry about it. He/she is with you now, so you should feel better about it. I'm more into checking out the guy I'm dating. It's good to know you're not about to head into a relationship with a manipulative criminal haha
sourcherry sourcherry 6 years
No. To be honest I never had that kind of curiosity, probably because he never had any serious relationships before me.
vmruby vmruby 6 years
No..... the girl before me I knew personally (she was the mother of my husband's young son at the time) and I found out alot more about her than I actually wanted or needed to know....:oy: As for the other ex-girlfriends can't say I've ever been the slightest bit interested.We're very happily married. and as far as we're both concerned his choice was made a long time ago . They have absolutely nothing at all to do with us so it doesn't matter to me who the are.......
vmruby vmruby 6 years
No..... the girl before me I knew personally (she was the mother of my husband's young son at the time) and I found out alot more about her than I actually wanted or needed to know....:oy:As for the other ex-girlfriends can't say I've ever been the slightest bit interested.We're very happily married. and as far as we're both concerned his choice was made a long time ago . They have absolutely nothing at all to do with us so it doesn't matter to me who the are.......
lawchick lawchick 6 years
His - nope, don't care. Mine - yup! I'm curious!
Soniabonya Soniabonya 6 years
Do I check on my fiance's exes? No. I don't. I don't care. He's with me and that's that. Do I check up on my ex from 5 years ago? Sometimes. We're friends on facebook and occasionally chat but that's all.
Soniabonya Soniabonya 6 years
Do I check on my fiance's exes? No. I don't. I don't care. He's with me and that's that. Do I check up on my ex from 5 years ago? Sometimes. We're friends on facebook and occasionally chat but that's all.
Simone-Grant Simone-Grant 6 years
Wow, first, welcome to all the first time readers/commenters here on the blog. So happy you all decided to drop by and share your opinions. I guess this is one of those things that runs the gamut. For some of us it seems weird to google someone's ex. For others, it seems completely natural. No judgments either way (on my part).
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 6 years
I'd only google one of my boyfriends ex's. And that's just to be sure she DID move out of the country. There's bad blood there and neither of us really want her messing with our lives.Beyond that, those girls are in the past, and that's where they stay. :)
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 6 years
I'd only google one of my boyfriends ex's. And that's just to be sure she DID move out of the country. There's bad blood there and neither of us really want her messing with our lives. Beyond that, those girls are in the past, and that's where they stay. :)
kelkooshoe kelkooshoe 6 years
I never check the ex! MY friend tole me about him once! I am so happy with my bf, why should I do so !
starbucks2 starbucks2 6 years
Guilty...I am a little obsessed with my boyfriend's ex which is so stupid...And yeah, that's just insecurity on my part. I only check her profile pic every once in a while though...
jon21079 jon21079 6 years
Not sure if anyone is interested in another dating site (I know there are so many out there already) but I found a new one that actually seems to be providing some good results. It's called www.peaforyourpod.com and it's free....which fits my budget! I recommend it, some good tools to use in there.
sugajen sugajen 6 years
confusing title. i have googled a few of MY exes but only the long term ones out of curiosity. to google a boyfriends ex is a WASTE OF TIME and emotion. Why should I care and make myself worry. If he brings her up alot obviously he still has feelings and you shouldn't be with that guy.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
There is an old saying: " eyes that don't see; heart that doesn't feel." I don't really want to know about my boy friend's ex. I know if I dig in I will just feel insecure. I don't even want to know his past girl friends names, I don't want to know anything about his past relationships, is none of my business.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
Im guilty of doing so. Shame on me. But only because they contacted me through myspace and facebook first!!It only brings drama I will tell you that. I had to delete my pages and start new ones with different info. His ex had a problem with ME. Finally we "talked" over myspace and cleared things up. and that was the last of that.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
Im guilty of doing so. Shame on me. But only because they contacted me through myspace and facebook first!! It only brings drama I will tell you that. I had to delete my pages and start new ones with different info. His ex had a problem with ME. Finally we "talked" over myspace and cleared things up. and that was the last of that.
bonchicbongenre bonchicbongenre 6 years
I'm guilty of doing this. Is it a bad idea? Probably. But I can't seem to help myself.
mommahello mommahello 6 years
That would be a useless exercise.
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
I like to pretend there are no exes. :P But seriously, there was a time I obsessed over this one girl in his past and it just made me feel like crap. Not even because I felt less attractive (though she was very pretty) but it hurt in a damn,-she-was-there-first kinda way. So I just stop. The less I know, the better.
janneth janneth 6 years
Bad idea. You can't win.
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