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Do You Fight Fair?

Every couple faces that moment when the fairy dust of romance settles, they're in a relationship — and a conflict triggers their first fight. How a couple fights (or if they fight at all) can determine whether or not they will have a healthy and enduring relationship.

The word "fight" has such negative connotations, but in every relationship, disagreements will come up that need to be negotiated and resolved. Studies have even shown that the couple that fights together, stays together. Avoiding conflict, after all, will only create built-up resentment and unhappiness.

The relationship site Longevity has great tips on fighting fair. They include the following no-no's: name calling or hitting below the belt, excavating past grievances, dragging others into the fight, or wandering away from the subject.

We learn how to fight from watching how our parents resolved conflicts, and for some people, that means unlearning bad habits. Do you fight fair?

Image Source: Getty
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Briandiesel Briandiesel 7 years
I'm a good fighter, plus I'm quick-minded so the mean stuff just flows quickly. I never hit below the belt, but I am great at fighting. Every time I have had a fight with someone they have said that they didnt think I was mean. haha I just say, "we were fighting!"
Briandiesel Briandiesel 7 years
I'm a good fighter, plus I'm quick-minded so the mean stuff just flows quickly.I never hit below the belt, but I am great at fighting. Every time I have had a fight with someone they have said that they didnt think I was mean. haha I just say, "we were fighting!"
GKitty GKitty 7 years
no.
GKitty GKitty 7 years
no.
HoneyBrown1976 HoneyBrown1976 7 years
I try to fight fair with my husband; but, sometimes, I can't resist going for the jugular. I've gotten better, though. So, there's always hope.
nivradmitch828 nivradmitch828 7 years
i do try to fight fair with my husband. we don't fight alot though. i don't normally call my hub names because i despise the idea of doing that during fight and know that we will regret every bad things we said afterwards. sometimes, if things get too much and you think you just want to burst out, i just simply cry and let out everything. there are times that we would fight through text messages, and believe me it numbs my thumb finger alot..hahaha..but it helps, it do really helps bec there are things that you can't just say in his face and you can do it through text. then, you can both talk face to face after the heated arguments done with text. i do normally get rid the fact that we would fight over money bec i know that it is not a good subject to fight over with. it has to be talked carefully and with open mindedness.i saw my parents fight over money and it is not a good thing, they would shout at each other and the argument will not just die.they keep on fighting over the same subject all the time and it irritates me so much. so, i try to discuss the money matter with my husband in a way that we both can deal with it.
nivradmitch828 nivradmitch828 7 years
i do try to fight fair with my husband. we don't fight alot though. i don't normally call my hub names because i despise the idea of doing that during fight and know that we will regret every bad things we said afterwards. sometimes, if things get too much and you think you just want to burst out, i just simply cry and let out everything. there are times that we would fight through text messages, and believe me it numbs my thumb finger alot..hahaha..but it helps, it do really helps bec there are things that you can't just say in his face and you can do it through text. then, you can both talk face to face after the heated arguments done with text.i do normally get rid the fact that we would fight over money bec i know that it is not a good subject to fight over with. it has to be talked carefully and with open mindedness.i saw my parents fight over money and it is not a good thing, they would shout at each other and the argument will not just die.they keep on fighting over the same subject all the time and it irritates me so much. so, i try to discuss the money matter with my husband in a way that we both can deal with it.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
Hmm..I'm the type of person who tends to represses things because I kind of mimics my dad that way, then when I couldn't take it anymore, I turn into mom (blow up by the yelling). LOL.But when I'm not repressing, I believe I fight fair. I don't go insane on small things like things around the house, I do pick my battles.My hub said that he notices that I fight pretty fair, since I never said anything mean to him (call him names or curses or bring up past mistakes) and I don't exaggerate or cause a lot of drama and hub is kind of the same way, although he has slipped that I was acting like a b!tch a few times when we argued (not so bad because we've been together more than 5 years). And yeah, he has slipped with 'f*ck that' when we argued before a few times too. Although I don't call him names or curses, I yelled pretty loud to get my point across. :p I really gotta curb that habit.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
Hmm..I'm the type of person who tends to represses things because I kind of mimics my dad that way, then when I couldn't take it anymore, I turn into mom (blow up by the yelling). LOL. But when I'm not repressing, I believe I fight fair. I don't go insane on small things like things around the house, I do pick my battles. My hub said that he notices that I fight pretty fair, since I never said anything mean to him (call him names or curses or bring up past mistakes) and I don't exaggerate or cause a lot of drama and hub is kind of the same way, although he has slipped that I was acting like a b!tch a few times when we argued (not so bad because we've been together more than 5 years). And yeah, he has slipped with 'f*ck that' when we argued before a few times too. Although I don't call him names or curses, I yelled pretty loud to get my point across. :p I really gotta curb that habit.
Talldiva45 Talldiva45 7 years
I think that we/me and my boyfriend both fight fair. We have had freq. arguments lately bc of misunderstandings about not seeing eachother a lot during the wk. and difficult seperate almost long distance living situations and conflicting schedules...gets hard. But when we fight its more about discussing problems that we both have and we may not understand initially. So I think we fight in a healthy way.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 7 years
yeah my parents never set a great example on how to argue constructively, but my older sister did. before i moved in with my boyfriend she helped make sure i knew how to takew myself out of a situation and explain what i'm feeling and why i'm upset.
xxstardust xxstardust 7 years
My boyfriend and I have really never had a major fight - not in the sense you seem to mean, anyway. We disagree about things, but we're both very good about voicing whatever we happen to be upset about and talking about it without getting emotional or aggravated. My parents fought VERY unfairly, and I grew up hating it and swearing I would never be that way with a partner. Thankfully, I'm not. =]
xxstardust xxstardust 7 years
My boyfriend and I have really never had a major fight - not in the sense you seem to mean, anyway. We disagree about things, but we're both very good about voicing whatever we happen to be upset about and talking about it without getting emotional or aggravated. My parents fought VERY unfairly, and I grew up hating it and swearing I would never be that way with a partner. Thankfully, I'm not. =]
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
My parents fought very unfairly. My dad would get violent, my mom would pack her bags, divorce or killing or whatever was threatened, it was a disaster. Unfortunately, this is what I saw growing up, so sometimes when the boyfriend and I fought, it would turn into this huge argument, me usually being irrational and kind of dumb. I never threatened to kill him, or have gotten violent, but I have said some very mean things. Of course, he has too. We know it's bad, so we make conscious decisions not to do that. Our fighting is mostly a me problem. If I had a constructive way to express my feelings when they needed to be expressed, we would not fight at all. Seriously, there are no arguments about money, chores, dirty laundry on the floor...anything. All of our fights start because of my emotions. It was quite the revelation to have. I have started to learn to express my issues when they arise (and pick my battles) so I never have an explosion. It's probably been about a month since I have gone off the deep end, and I am really proud of myself. I am learning to stay in the present, because he probably forgot what happened 6 months ago. Thankfully, I am 22...so the sooner you can nip your bad habits in the bud, do it. No one deserves to be thrown under the bus because you're PMSing, in a bad mood, or whatever the case may be.
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
My parents fought very unfairly. My dad would get violent, my mom would pack her bags, divorce or killing or whatever was threatened, it was a disaster. Unfortunately, this is what I saw growing up, so sometimes when the boyfriend and I fought, it would turn into this huge argument, me usually being irrational and kind of dumb. I never threatened to kill him, or have gotten violent, but I have said some very mean things. Of course, he has too. We know it's bad, so we make conscious decisions not to do that.Our fighting is mostly a me problem. If I had a constructive way to express my feelings when they needed to be expressed, we would not fight at all. Seriously, there are no arguments about money, chores, dirty laundry on the floor...anything. All of our fights start because of my emotions. It was quite the revelation to have. I have started to learn to express my issues when they arise (and pick my battles) so I never have an explosion. It's probably been about a month since I have gone off the deep end, and I am really proud of myself. I am learning to stay in the present, because he probably forgot what happened 6 months ago. Thankfully, I am 22...so the sooner you can nip your bad habits in the bud, do it. No one deserves to be thrown under the bus because you're PMSing, in a bad mood, or whatever the case may be.
telane telane 7 years
We don't fight at all. We have disagreements and discussions. If one of us starts to get upset, we take a 10-20-30 minute breather and some time to think about it before getting back to figuring it out. We have never actually had a "fight," by definition.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Yes, generally. I try very hard to fight fair. Unfortunately, my parents fight unfairly, and that's a habit I picked up. Truthfully, it's a habit I don't like, and it's habit I'm breaking.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 7 years
yes i do fight fair. my parents always fight fair and i learned from them.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
We don't fight a lot, and I think we're fairly civilized... but one can always improve, right?
skigurl skigurl 7 years
i fight fair, but we dont' fight muchwe're good at saying what we want to say, talking it through, then apologizing, hugging, and moving onwe don't have giant blowouts or screaming matches or anything
skigurl skigurl 7 years
i fight fair, but we dont' fight much we're good at saying what we want to say, talking it through, then apologizing, hugging, and moving on we don't have giant blowouts or screaming matches or anything
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