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Does Boyfriend Want to Hook Up With His Girlfriends?

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend's Girlfriends

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend told me that he's always had a lot of girl friends. He has guy friends also, but I think girls just feel comfortable around him, because he's such an easy going, nice guy who is easy to joke around with. He rarely hangs out with them, at least since I've known him (4 months).

I told him that I have a good number of guy friends too, because I love sports and other guy stuff. He said something like, "I'm sure any of your guy friends would jump at the chance to hook up with you." And I said, "Well, even if they would, that wouldn't happen. Ever." He said that there are "probably 6 or 7" of his girl friends that he considers attractive, but wouldn't hook up with. Which means . . . there are some girl friends that he WOULD hook up with.

That makes me very uncomfortable. I completely trust him, and know he wouldn't do that to me, but I can't help but feel like he shouldn't be hanging out or talking to those friends. I feel like he'd be thinking, "Man, if I was single, I'd be all over that" when hanging out with them. Am I wrong or overreacting? Should I say anything to him?


Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

 

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missnacho missnacho 4 years
You have to remember that there is a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted TO someone. If he finds them attractive, he's merely acknowledging their beauty. I'm sure there are a couple of your guy friends who you think are attractive but you wouldn't dream of hooking up with them. & like another post said, the red flag should go up when he avoids allowing you to meet them. :D good luck
missnacho missnacho 4 years
You have to remember that there is a difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted TO someone. If he finds them attractive, he's merely acknowledging their beauty. I'm sure there are a couple of your guy friends who you think are attractive but you wouldn't dream of hooking up with them. & like another post said, the red flag should go up when he avoids allowing you to meet them. :D good luck
daisy23 daisy23 4 years
Well I kinda get where the poster is coming from. The fact that he had to say that makes me think he was overcompensating a little for possibly thinking guilty thoughts. If he wasnt't even thinking in that direction then why would be pointedly bring it up? Don't over analyze just this but watch for other behaviors. Honestly he should have just kept his mouth shut on this one!
myfaircady myfaircady 4 years
I also think that it just means he only considers those 6 or 7 attractive. That was how I immediately read it.
Burkina Burkina 4 years
I agree with Betty Wayne.You should also befriend them Vanonymous said. I bet you'll feel more comfortable once you got to know them.If you nag him to stop hanging out with them you'll screw up your relationship. Focus on the now not the what ifs. Stay in the moment and enjoy it.
Burkina Burkina 4 years
I agree with Betty Wayne. You should also befriend them Vanonymous said. I bet you'll feel more comfortable once you got to know them. If you nag him to stop hanging out with them you'll screw up your relationship. Focus on the now not the what ifs. Stay in the moment and enjoy it.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 4 years
I agree with others...I'm not following your logic here. It seems to me like he's saying he finds 7 or so of his friends attractive (but he wouldn't hook up with them) and that he doesn't find his other female friends attractive. I'm not sure why you jumped to the conclusion you did. :puzzled:
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
I also agree that I don't think he was saying he would hook up with them (not when you're still with him)What I find weird is that he even bothered to tell you that he finds them attractive etc. Sometimes people just need to keep crap like that to themselves or guy friends. Anyways, if he seems like an otherwise nice guy i wouldn't take it seriously.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
I also agree that I don't think he was saying he would hook up with them (not when you're still with him) What I find weird is that he even bothered to tell you that he finds them attractive etc. Sometimes people just need to keep crap like that to themselves or guy friends. Anyways, if he seems like an otherwise nice guy i wouldn't take it seriously.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 4 years
"He said that there are "probably 6 or 7" of his girl friends that he considers attractive, but wouldn't hook up with. Which means . . . there are some girl friends that he WOULD hook up with." Not necessarily. I would have taken it as meaning that he does not find the rest of his girl friends attractive. Meet his girl friends and befriend them. You'll feel more comfortable when he hangs out with them (and you can hang with them too). I know where you're coming from... there can be a lot of insecurities in the first few months of dating - but I think you'll get more comfortable as time goes by. Good luck!
Vanonymous Vanonymous 4 years
"He said that there are "probably 6 or 7" of his girl friends that he considers attractive, but wouldn't hook up with. Which means . . . there are some girl friends that he WOULD hook up with." Not necessarily. I would have taken it as meaning that he does not find the rest of his girl friends attractive. Meet his girl friends and befriend them. You'll feel more comfortable when he hangs out with them (and you can hang with them too). I know where you're coming from... there can be a lot of insecurities in the first few months of dating - but I think you'll get more comfortable as time goes by. Good luck!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Agreed with Betty Wayne. He was trying to be open with you about whatever attraction he has to some of his female friends. And then he reassured you that he wouldn't go there. Maybe it wasn't the absolute best way to talk about that stuff, but I see no ill intent there.Why would you jump to the opposite conclusion? That there are other girls besides these 7--who he thinks are hot and that he would go for? Why on earth would he say such a thing unless he's a complete cad? And if you think he'd say that, fighting with him would be pointless. Much better to leave him to all this hooking up he wishes he could do.But he didn't say any of it. Your insecurity is trying to put those words in his mouth. Don't confront him. Don't start a fight. And don't talk to him until you've calmed way down.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Agreed with Betty Wayne. He was trying to be open with you about whatever attraction he has to some of his female friends. And then he reassured you that he wouldn't go there. Maybe it wasn't the absolute best way to talk about that stuff, but I see no ill intent there. Why would you jump to the opposite conclusion? That there are other girls besides these 7--who he thinks are hot and that he would go for? Why on earth would he say such a thing unless he's a complete cad? And if you think he'd say that, fighting with him would be pointless. Much better to leave him to all this hooking up he wishes he could do. But he didn't say any of it. Your insecurity is trying to put those words in his mouth. Don't confront him. Don't start a fight. And don't talk to him until you've calmed way down.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
"Which means... there are some girl friends that he WOULD hook up with."He NEVER said that... honestly from this post I'm not sure how you even came to that conclusion. Give the man some credit for being honest! You are totally over-reacting. You say you trust him, then trust him. Plus if he wants to cheat, he'll probably do it with someone who's not an active member of his social circle- and therefore likely to run into you.Alicia is right about if he was going to bang them he would have done it already, also there's no reason you shouldn't meet his girl-friends. Though if he won't let you... that would be a major red flag.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 4 years
"Which means... there are some girl friends that he WOULD hook up with." He NEVER said that... honestly from this post I'm not sure how you even came to that conclusion. Give the man some credit for being honest! You are totally over-reacting. You say you trust him, then trust him. Plus if he wants to cheat, he'll probably do it with someone who's not an active member of his social circle- and therefore likely to run into you. Alicia is right about if he was going to bang them he would have done it already, also there's no reason you shouldn't meet his girl-friends. Though if he won't let you... that would be a major red flag.
aliciatx aliciatx 4 years
I think you're stressing about it too much. You said you've known him about 4 months, I'm sure he's had these friends longer than that. If he wanted to hook up with them, then it would have already happened! Don't worry so much. I know it's easier said than done though. Maybe it would make you feel better if you met these girls and became friends? Suggest that you all hang out so you can get to know them. Hopefully you'll see it's a platonic friendship and will make you feel better.
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