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Does My Husband Love Me?

Group Therapy: Does My Husband Still Love Me?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been with my husband since five years married for four of those. I've been on birth control since we got together. Two months ago he told me I can stop to start a family, found out on the 12th of September I was pregnant, yay, or so I thought. When I told him he did not act happy or anything. I have not had sex with my husband since I found out.

Two weeks later his mom called him and told him that she was divorcing his dad. Last Thursday I found out I lost the baby; again, no comment from him. He said, "I have to worry about my mom, I can't worry about you right now." Last night he told me he wanted me back on birth control. He did not say if he wanted to try again or not, he just said I want you back on them.

He loves me, I think; these days I can't tell. We almost got divorced back in January, but he did not go through with it. I don't know if I he loves me anymore; he don't show it, and I don't know if I still love him. I tried to talk to him about this, but he won't talk or he just says, "I do love you." I don't know what I should do.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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serena12253 serena12253 4 years
Thank u all we have decided to get marriage counseling. I had him read this. and he sees what he was doing. out of the 5 years we have been with each other we only had problems since last oct. n he sees what he did was wrong. again thank u all
lickety-split lickety-split 4 years
suspect he's having a little "mid-life crisis". this will pass but you have some work to do. be supportive and get yourself some counseling. join a support group for women who have had miscarriages and/or women in transition. see if your husband will get counseling for grief. all marriages have ups and downs. good luck.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 4 years
I hope you don't want to have a baby now either! He has issues, you two have issues, and you both need to seek help probably together and apart. Have you ever heard the saying that the person who cares the least in a relationship is the one who has the most control? This guy sounds like he is controlling you, whether it's by saying mean things or by withholding feelings. You are on the fast track to a divorce right now, and you can turn it around but you've got to get some help. There's not enough information here to give much other advice. Good luck
jenjen82 jenjen82 4 years
Tell him you both need to go to marriage counseling ASAP!! If he refuses then I would proceed with a divorce if it was me. You two are on divorce lane at this point though. What a cold reaction to the miscarriage. Also it is never good to have a baby to save a marriage which is what he may have wanted at first.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
First, get back on birth control. The relationship between the two of you is unhealthy and inappropriate to bring a baby into. Second, you better take charge of things because he clearly isn't. Lay down the law and let him know what is and isn't acceptable. If you are indeed going to be divorced, you have to earn it by working hard at the marriage. If it fails, you know that you've done the right things and it makes any choices about ending things easier.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 4 years
You say you two almost got divorced in January. Have you worked through the issues that led you to that point? From the way you wrote this, it sounds like he's a little controlling. The decision to try or stop trying to have kids should be a decision that comes from a conversation between the two of you not a unilateral decision made by him.You both sound like you have some communication issues that you need to work on together possibly with help of a professional therapist if your marraige is going to last for the long haul. You also both need to work through your grief on losing the child. missmaryb is right that sweeping issues under the rug won't fix them. You may not want to consider having a child with him until your marriage is on more solid ground. Children are wonderful blessings, but also huge life changers and if your marriage is struggling now, the problems will only worsen after a child comes.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
His reaction was unacceptable. Of course he should worry about his mom, but you should be right there at the top of his priority list too. He also lost a child, not just you. I would think he'd be grieving. And yet, perhaps he is. Maybe his way of dealing is to shut down emotionally. He wouldn't be the only man who does this. But it's something you two need to work through. Sweeping issues under the rug doesn't get rid of them. I hope you can get him to open up to you. It sounds like you could benefit from counseling as well. Good luck.
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