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Does Staying Silent About Struggles Help or Hurt?

I don't think of myself as a particularly private person, but when a tough situation comes my way, I sometimes wait unti I've figured out a solution before I start talking to people about it. Often my friends will say, "I had no idea! Why didn't you tell me?" when I let them know I've just been through something like a bad argument with a significant other or a tough family situation. Don't get me wrong, I love to vent and I do open up for advice, but sometimes it's helpful to work out how I feel before I confuse myself with other people's opinions.

In her new interview with W, Rihanna shares this sentiment. When asked why she decided to stay silent about the Chris Brown situation last Spring, the singer said:

"I'm glad I didn’t talk to people, because I was able to deal with things in my own way, without saying the wrong things or giving people the wrong impression.”

When something has you down, do you find that it helps to talk to other people about it, or do you wait a while too?

Source: Flickr User Victor Bezrukov

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postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I was raised to be stoic and deal with things on my own, but it depends on the issue. There are some things that are too intense to talk about right away. I waited an entire year to tell my best friend some painful things that had happened to me a year earlier. I try hard to open up because it does help, but it really depends on what you're dealing with. And about Rihanna & Chris Brown, I agree with hypnoticmix. Rihanna may have been silent about the ordeal with the public, but she very well could have confided in someone privately.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I was raised to be stoic and deal with things on my own, but it depends on the issue. There are some things that are too intense to talk about right away. I waited an entire year to tell my best friend some painful things that had happened to me a year earlier. I try hard to open up because it does help, but it really depends on what you're dealing with. And about Rihanna & Chris Brown, I agree with hypnoticmix. Rihanna may have been silent about the ordeal with the public, but she very well could have confided in someone privately.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
IMO the note regarding Rihanna and Brown is a bit ambigous. We all know that she didn't talk for a while about it but that is to the (public). Do we know or not if she opened up to a personal confidant? Screw the public I can care less if she stays silent to us. As for people in general yeah I'd say for the most part it is beneficial to at least get some ducks in a row even if you haven't made any conclusions when speaking to some one for advice because that gives them compass in trying to help you find your way.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
IMO the note regarding Rihanna and Brown is a bit ambigous. We all know that she didn't talk for a while about it but that is to the (public). Do we know or not if she opened up to a personal confidant? Screw the public I can care less if she stays silent to us. As for people in general yeah I'd say for the most part it is beneficial to at least get some ducks in a row even if you haven't made any conclusions when speaking to some one for advice because that gives them compass in trying to help you find your way.
Frenched Frenched 6 years
I tend to process my feelings myself first. Often, you'll find me WRITING about it and just sorting out what I feel. Afterwards, if I don't feel like I've reached a solution yet - I'll turn to those who I trust and they'll usually give me a different POV. I tend to try to keep as silent as possible, though. Sometimes venting winds me up even more.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
I deal with most of my challenges privately, at a personal level. I am an introverted person. Also, as strange as this may sound, I consider myself my own best friend. I am close to my husband, my sibling, a certain friend, but they are my "husband," "sibling," and "good friend." They're NOT my "best friend." That is MY role. :) So yes, generally, I do work out my own issues by myself. I am my own best friend. :)
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
I deal with most of my challenges privately, at a personal level. I am an introverted person. Also, as strange as this may sound, I consider myself my own best friend. I am close to my husband, my sibling, a certain friend, but they are my "husband," "sibling," and "good friend." They're NOT my "best friend." That is MY role. :)So yes, generally, I do work out my own issues by myself. I am my own best friend. :)
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
I'm the silent type. A lot of people in my life had no idea about the struggles I was going through with my ex for the last few years. Our split was a complete shock to everyone. I know it's something that I need to work on. I am trying to be more open with people in my life, and talk more about what's going on inside my head.
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
I'm the silent type. A lot of people in my life had no idea about the struggles I was going through with my ex for the last few years. Our split was a complete shock to everyone.I know it's something that I need to work on. I am trying to be more open with people in my life, and talk more about what's going on inside my head.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I vent about insignificant issues. I usually have trouble talking about more serious struggles. A death, for example, is something that is just too emotional for me to open up about. In Rhianna's case, I think it's best to keep things as private as possible. If I tell someone a problem, that's as far as it goes. If a celebrity opens up about a problem, a million different media sources reporting on it doesn't always help.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I vent about insignificant issues. I usually have trouble talking about more serious struggles. A death, for example, is something that is just too emotional for me to open up about.In Rhianna's case, I think it's best to keep things as private as possible. If I tell someone a problem, that's as far as it goes. If a celebrity opens up about a problem, a million different media sources reporting on it doesn't always help.
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
I think it really depends on the situation and the person. A lot of little things can be dealt with on a personal level, but sometimes it really helps to get someone elses perspective. A lot rides on the person you're talking to as well. Not very many people are honest, or can remain neutral, with their friends/family when talking to them. Unfortunately, in cases of abuse it doesn't really help. So much is internalized with victims of abuse that they can almost always rationalize why they deserve the situation, why its not so bad, why they don't really need to leave, how the person just "gets angry sometimes" etc. So often, the person has been under the mental and physical control of the abuser so long they don't even realize they are being abused, or how bad the abuse is. It often takes an outsiders advice and help before the person can even start mentally dealing with these situations.
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
I think it really depends on the situation and the person. A lot of little things can be dealt with on a personal level, but sometimes it really helps to get someone elses perspective. A lot rides on the person you're talking to as well. Not very many people are honest, or can remain neutral, with their friends/family when talking to them. Unfortunately, in cases of abuse it doesn't really help. So much is internalized with victims of abuse that they can almost always rationalize why they deserve the situation, why its not so bad, why they don't really need to leave, how the person just "gets angry sometimes" etc. So often, the person has been under the mental and physical control of the abuser so long they don't even realize they are being abused, or how bad the abuse is. It often takes an outsiders advice and help before the person can even start mentally dealing with these situations.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 6 years
i'm the opposite from the above commentors. I have to have someone to talk to about things most of the time. I'll go talk to my sister after a really bad fight where i end up bawling just because i need someone to talk to. My sister always really tries and does help me boil down what the issue was or is in a way that her age and experience gives her that little bit more wisdom than i have. Having someone to talk to and just have listen really helps me calm down and sort out my feelings. I'm a venter. I've always had to release it all. If i keep it all bottle up i'll go insane on someone either crying or anger. By talking about it outloud to someone i get all the crying done, and I get all the crazy out. I get really arguement distracted when upset, so having someone to talk to calm me down also helps me figure out what MY issue was too.Plus my sister is not afraid to tell me "you're being unreasonable" or "they're being a huge ass" or "this is not your fault, and you're not responsible for it/this person"
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 6 years
i'm the opposite from the above commentors. I have to have someone to talk to about things most of the time. I'll go talk to my sister after a really bad fight where i end up bawling just because i need someone to talk to. My sister always really tries and does help me boil down what the issue was or is in a way that her age and experience gives her that little bit more wisdom than i have. Having someone to talk to and just have listen really helps me calm down and sort out my feelings. I'm a venter. I've always had to release it all. If i keep it all bottle up i'll go insane on someone either crying or anger. By talking about it outloud to someone i get all the crying done, and I get all the crazy out. I get really arguement distracted when upset, so having someone to talk to calm me down also helps me figure out what MY issue was too. Plus my sister is not afraid to tell me "you're being unreasonable" or "they're being a huge ass" or "this is not your fault, and you're not responsible for it/this person"
tlsgirl tlsgirl 6 years
I generally deal with things on my own, but it seems to drive other people crazy. My boyfriend and best friend are always saying that they wish I were just honest and up front, but I really hate complaining to other people.
starangel82 starangel82 6 years
There are so many factors, that I do not think there is a right or wrong answer. I usually deal with things privately and quietly. It's just how I work. Now I will say that when something major is going on, sometimes getting help is the way to go. While I think Rhianna has handled the public side of the whole situtation well, I think it could have been avoided if she had talked to someone before hand. Sometimes even the strongest of us need a little help from time to time.
starangel82 starangel82 6 years
There are so many factors, that I do not think there is a right or wrong answer. I usually deal with things privately and quietly. It's just how I work.Now I will say that when something major is going on, sometimes getting help is the way to go. While I think Rhianna has handled the public side of the whole situtation well, I think it could have been avoided if she had talked to someone before hand. Sometimes even the strongest of us need a little help from time to time.
chillchic chillchic 6 years
For me, I like to sort out my feelings first. That means either spending some time alone (with my face in my pillow), or putting on a happy face to cover up my feelings. Eventually I'll let people know what's up, but I don't need folks worrying about me until I decide that they should worry.
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