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Don't Be Embarrassed - Ask For What You Want!

Don't Be Embarrassed - Ask For What You Want!

Too many women write to me saying that they are in wonderful relationships with amazing men, but they're unhappy with their sex lives. They say that their man doesn't know how to please them, that orgasms are either non-existent, or they're only achieved when their boyfriend isn't around.

Sex is such a huge part of a relationship, and it's so important to our personal well-beings. Sometimes sex isn't like clockwork in the bedroom, and one of the main reasons for that is many men have no idea what they're doing or how to pleasure their partner.

So guess what ladies? If you are unhappy with your sex life, you've got to stop blaming your poor clueless lover, and ask for what you want. Tell him what turns you on and show him how to do it.

I know that may be difficult to do, but if things aren't working out, and you're beginning to resent him for it, you've got to take your sexuality into your own hands. Want some ideas on how? Then

  • If you have a hard time telling him how to turn you on, write it down. Draw diagrams and label things (maybe he has no idea where your clitoris is), and use as much detail as you can.
  • Some people learn better by doing, so place your hand over his hand and guide the movements that you like. Let him feel the amount of pressure and speed you like, and as he gets the hang of it, you can move your hand away.
  • If you feel comfortable, masturbate in front of him so he can see just how you like to be pleasured.
  • If you've always wanted to use a sex toy, go ahead and order one yourself. You can open it and experiment with it together.
  • Maybe there's a sexual position you always wanted to try, so the next time you have sex, surprise him with it. Some guys love it when women make the initiative.
  • Compliment him on what he does right. Guys need major encouragement. It gives them the confidence to try more things.
  • Try not to be so orgasm-crazy. Of course, we all want to climax, but try to remember that sex is about the amazing love and incredible intimacy that you share with your partner. Just being together will feel amazing, and I tell you, if you focus on that, it'll really turn you on.

Do you have any other ideas? Feel free to share them below.

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Novaraen Novaraen 8 years
You have to tell him....guys are clueless otherwise. Do not be shy about it or you will just end up constantly disappointed. Im married now and i always tell him what i want and do not want...he tells me that he appreciates it that i actually let him know. Seriously girls...speak up! Dont be shy about helping yourself along either...then let the guy take it up from there...ya know?
lilprincess lilprincess 8 years
I have always been a little shy to ask, so one thing I did was reverse the roles one night. Sometimes instead of having sex, I will just make my boyfriend orgasm, and then he won't return the favor and I end up being frustrated. So one night he made me orgasm, thinking it was leading to sex, then I was just like 'thanks! I'm going to sleep now!' Since that night, this has not been a problem!! hehe ;)
mizz_jennii mizz_jennii 8 years
So true! He's not a mind reader. If you want something or want it done a specific way....speak up. You'll both be happy....you got what you wanted and he'll be happy knowing he satisfied you.
glam-sugar glam-sugar 8 years
If I want something I ask, but my bf usually does what I want before I even ask!
i-am-elle i-am-elle 8 years
I agree, don't be scared to ask! Or just show him what you want. Guys need guidance sometimes, it's ok.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
If you don't ask, you won't get it! I'm all for asking away!
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