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Doubts Anyone?

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!


Quick question for everyone. For those in successful marriages, did you have doubts when you were dating? Or do you know anyone who had doubts, but has a successful marriage? What kind of doubts were they? Thanks everyone!


Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community. Maybe we'll feature your content on TrèsSugar.

Source: Flickr User helgasms!

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Hello890 Hello890 6 years
Never had any doubts about him. Just had doubts that I was getting married too young and I was, but it worked out.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
Yes, I did have doubts. And sometimes when we argue, I still have misgivings. :) However, we've been together for 15 years. Somehow, we repaired our rifts, as we're still together. I guess what gives me hope about our future is our long track record. Somehow, we always got back to the good place in our relationship. I really hope that continues.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
Yes, I did have doubts. And sometimes when we argue, I still have misgivings. :)However, we've been together for 15 years. Somehow, we repaired our rifts, as we're still together.I guess what gives me hope about our future is our long track record. Somehow, we always got back to the good place in our relationship. I really hope that continues.
sourcherry sourcherry 6 years
I'm with postmodernsleaze, what matters is the love you have for your partner as he is and how much you enjoy your relationship as it is at the moment. The question you should ask yourself is if you imagine yourself being happy for the rest of your life with what you two have now. If the answer includes an "if" somewhere, then you have a problem...
tarabara1229 tarabara1229 6 years
I love that Scrubs quote haha. And I completely agree with you, Pistil.
elizabelle elizabelle 6 years
I agree with skigurl. my hubby and I had plenty of dating experience when we met. we both knew who we were and what sort of person we wanted to be with. we experienced that high level of clicking SKD spoke of. I thought I was a commitment-phobe, but never had any doubts with my hubby.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I think it's okay to have some doubts. It means you're really thinking about the relationship, and marriage isn't something to jump into.I'm not married yet and I occasionally have doubts, but they can often be unreasonable doubts. I'm reminded of an episode of Scrubs in which Carla frantically exclaims, "If you can't remember to put the cap back on the toothpaste, then how are we going to raise our children?!"Some doubts can be deal breakers. I think if it's a concern that you can't express to your significant other, then there might be a problem.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I think it's okay to have some doubts. It means you're really thinking about the relationship, and marriage isn't something to jump into. I'm not married yet and I occasionally have doubts, but they can often be unreasonable doubts. I'm reminded of an episode of Scrubs in which Carla frantically exclaims, "If you can't remember to put the cap back on the toothpaste, then how are we going to raise our children?!" Some doubts can be deal breakers. I think if it's a concern that you can't express to your significant other, then there might be a problem.
skigurl skigurl 6 years
it probably depends on how long you dated before marriage and at what age....i can see doubts when you're younger and think you might want to explore your options but once your'e a bit older and have experience dating other people, it's probably easier to jump into something that feels right and never worry about it
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
The best thing I've heard recently when you're coming close to a marriage is this (especially when doubting): can you accept the person, as he/she is RIGHT NOW, without ANY changes (not with any "IF s/he changes this... IF s/he changes that") for the rest of your life? If you answer no, marriage should wait.
Spacekatdude Spacekatdude 6 years
I never had any doubts about SKG or my relationship with her. We're solid as a rock, just like the song. A great marriage! In contrast, I've been married before. Twice. :o( And I had doubts, lots and lots of doubts, both times. And both times all the fears and concerns I had come to complete and full fruition when I was married. :o( I was worried about personality disorders. I was worried about ways in which we didn't click. A dozen little things. My experience is that people don't change after the wedding - what you see is what you get. And what I saw with SKG was (and is) awesome!
Spacekatdude Spacekatdude 6 years
I never had any doubts about SKG or my relationship with her. We're solid as a rock, just like the song. A great marriage!In contrast, I've been married before. Twice. :o( And I had doubts, lots and lots of doubts, both times. And both times all the fears and concerns I had come to complete and full fruition when I was married. :o( I was worried about personality disorders. I was worried about ways in which we didn't click. A dozen little things. My experience is that people don't change after the wedding - what you see is what you get. And what I saw with SKG was (and is) awesome!
telane telane 6 years
Absolutely. My now-husband and I dated for 5 years before we got married (and started dating in my last year of high school), so I definitely had questions in my mind when we were engaged. I wondered if I could be happier with someone else, if there was a better match out there for me, etc. In my case, after I really thought about it I realized that I am just a HUGE commitment-phobe. He is an absolutely wonderful man, we get along amazingly, and we love each other so much. I noticed that I had no problems with thinking about our future together until the time came to actually make the commitment, and here I was (out of my silly fears) subconciously questioning the only sure and stable and wonderful thing in my life. Needless to say, after realizing that everything was put into perspective, and we have been married 3 years (and we are both so happy!). I think what you need to do is to find the source of your doubts. Is it a fear of commitment? Is there something about this man that you don't feel right about? Do you really love him or are you just comfortable? Those kinds of questions helped me assess my situation. Hope that helps!
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