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Down in the Dumps

Dear Sugar
I am extremely unhappy at home and don't know what to do about it. I have been married for five years and we have two children who I love and adore, but my marriage is not what it used to be. My husband is constantly putting me down, as a wife and mother, and he is always nit picking at my every move.

I am a working mother and housewife but the only thing that really makes me happy are my children. I am overly exhausted from being a working mom with a newborn baby and housewife and feel like I get no help from my husband. I have voiced my concerns and he has done nothing to pitch in. Although I love some aspects of my husband, I am at the point of thinking about leaving him. Do you have any advice for me? Miserable Melissa


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Dear Miserable Melissa
I am sorry you are so unhappy right now. How long have you had these feelings? It sounds as though you could be suffering from some postpartum depression and the lack of support from your husband isn't making matters any easier. Did you feel this way after you had your first child? Do you have any help with the kids?

You have made a big life change going from one child in your home to two children. Your husband is now getting even less attention from you and you are having even less time to spend as a couple. Try to remember you are not alone in your feelings. Millions of women find their first year with a newborn to be one of the most difficult.

I am sure you feel like you have reached your breaking point, but since you still have love for your husband, I think it would be best give it all you've got before ending your marriage. When you tell your husband how overwhelmed you are, does he sympathize and ask how to help? Do you ever give yourself alone time to re-group, rest, or simply have some quiet time?

I suggest seeking couples counseling as there seems to be some deeper issues in your marriage that need to be resolved so you can try to get through the tough times. If you feel your relationship can not be mended, ultimately you need to do whatever makes you happy. In order for your children to be happy, you have to be happy as well. Follow your heart and do what feels right. I wish you luck.

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