My Mom and I do not get along one bit...she is old fashioned and I'm not. It drives me insane. I need some ideas on how to deal with her because she's honestly making me go crazy. Help! Fuming Freida
Dear Fuming Freida
You know your Mother loves you so what you've got to try and do is figure out ways to communicate with her and still feel ok about it. Unfortunately, you are stuck with her - so instead of being in conflict for the rest of your life, try thinking about these things to see what helps. When you are arguing, is there any possible way for you to step back and get perspective on your Mother's side of the argument? What have her experiences been like for her to act like this? Also, do you need her to agree with everything or can you just yes her and then make your own decisions? Is your Dad around? You know Dads can be very valuable peacemakers. Have you ever thought that this isn't necessarily just a power struggle? Your Mom is a person too with feelings and according to the Cambridge study; researchers found that Mothers argue when they feel their daughters are rejecting them. Daughters tend to instigate arguments when they feel they're being criticized and when they're trying to demonstrate their increasing maturity. Perhaps there is a way to bring this up to her. If she feels heard then maybe she can start thinking more progressively. At least you can find some comfort in all of this. As often and as unpredictably as you fight, your warm, tender and compassionate moments come along too. I'll bet because you argue so often that you don't even realize that you are more yourself around her than you are with pretty much anyone else.