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Engaged to a Man, but I Think I'm Gay

"I'm Engaged to a Man, but I Think I'm a Lesbian"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

This is all a little too much to discuss with my friends. I have tried with a few, but I just don't think they understand. I have been in relationships, mostly with men, constantly since I was a teenager. I feel like I was looking for something, jumping from guy to guy, enjoying the initial excitement, but after that wears off I am bored, unhappy, and confused.

I thought I was looking for something, and I couldn't figure out what. The few flings I have had with women were passionate, but ended badly, probably because of my confused state. I've been in my current relationship for three years, he proposed and I said yes. I feel like I've been pushing myself further and further into this relationship and commitment, because I feel like I'll reach a point where I'll be completely happy and satisfied. He is honestly everything I should want. But I'm not happy.

I only have sex to hide what I'm really feeling, and it's rarely that we do. I am not attracted to him at all — I am not attracted to males at all anymore — progressively I have found males more and more repulsive. I recently cheated with another guy because I was so frustrated and confused, and when it came down to it, I was still repulsed and felt no sexual attraction. I have known I was bi from a young age, but now I honestly feel like I am a lesbian. But I love my fiancé so much I feel like I can't leave him.

Recently, I've been thinking about women a lot. I am attracted to one in particular, and have had a series of serious attractions over the course of the last year. I feel like I am trapped because this is the life I am supposed to live, and I don't know what to do. I do love him, but I feel like I am lying to myself and missing a big piece of myself. But the friends I have spoken to think I will get over this "phase," even though it's been going on for so long.

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