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The Ex Factor

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I just celebrated our two year anniversary. For the most part, our relationship has been great, full of love and friendship, support and happiness. A few months ago, my boyfriend's ex girlfriend started calling him again and they have developed a friendship that I am really uncomfortable with, especially since I have never met her.

We have had many arguments over this new relationship but have decided to work through it. Ever since I have voiced my concern, I feel as though he tip toes around their conversations and he doesn't understand why I have a problem with their friendship.

He has reassured me time and again that there is nothing romantic between them and that they are just old friends. Am I over-reacting or do I have a right to be upset by this rekindled relationship? Peeved Pamela

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Peeved Pamela
What initiated them to begin speaking again?Relationships revolve around trust and if you are feeling insecure about your boyfriend's honesty about this friendship, you might want to re-evaluate your own relationship with him. Is there a reason why your boyfriend has not introduced you to this mystery ex? Have you asked him what is so important about this relationship?

Many men do not understand why the ex can be threatening, even if they are just friends. I would try talking to him in a neutral tone before getting in a full blown argument. Make him understand how you are feeling about this situation and how uncomfortable this new friendship makes you.

Try to stay calm and listen carefully to what he is telling you. Also, to be fair, I would also ask yourself the difficult question why this relationship is so threatening to you, if he has repeatedly told you that it's just platonic. Do you think that you are creating drama in your own head that's not really there?

Having said that, your boyfriend should be respectful of your concerns and quiet the relationship instead of going behind your back to carry on this friendship. Trust is both extremely important and fragile in a relationship. I hope that after you talk, he is more understanding of your feelings.

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