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Exclusive Interview With High-End Matchmaker Amy Andersen 2009-08-27 09:10:00

Meet Matchmaker Amy Andersen, Part II

Yesterday I shared part one of my interview with Amy Andersen, a high-end matchmaker who works with 800 successful singles. Amy tries to bring together young professionals who are interested in finding like-minded, quality matches — all for a price, of course; specifically, her rate is $6,000 for eight matches. In today's installment, Amy talks about modern dating and traditional gender roles.

Is traditional dating on the way to becoming obsolete thanks to the more casual hookup?

Amy Andersen: I think the causal hookup is fine when you are in your early to mid-20s, but for anyone who has chosen a career path that is more rooted in academia and a solid professional track, they crave dating through a more traditional and old world experience.

To be honest, tons of women get sick of guys who are forgetful or, frankly, who have become terribly spoiled and too lazy to show their dates what it means to be a gentleman. My clients are absolutely relieved to hear that this network adheres to a very old world approach, one with manners and chivalry. For the men, this means opening doors, being complimentary to their dates, not expecting that they will come upstairs for a quickie at the end of the night, instead looking forward to a kiss on the cheek. For our female clients, this means allowing oneself to embrace their femininity, take a deep breath, relax, allow the man to "be the man" and the woman to "be a woman."

To find out if all of Amy's clients are into this approach, and to see what exactly Amy means by "being a woman,"

.

Are all your clients into this approach?

AA: We find that it is a common misconception that a woman who is high-powered, extremely well educated, and attractive cannot accentuate her femininity on a date or in life without undermining her business acumen and strengths. Instead both can balance one another and be complementary, not the opposite. Another great reason why it is so fabulous to be a woman!

What does it mean exactly for a man to be a man?

AA: For a man to be a man, it means taking the lead when dating. It means allowing him to be a gentleman and not "castrating" him because he is trying to be chivalrous. It means allowing him to open the doors, walk on the outside of the street, to suggest a wine he likes at dinner that he thinks his date will like, to let him feel special on the date. Men want to feel useful and that they will be a provider for their ultimate mate, so sometimes when women are so used to be overly independent, men will wonder, "Where do I fit into this picture?"

And what does it mean for a woman to be a woman?

AA: Although she might be in control in every aspect of her life, it means being gracious, ladylike, exuding her femininity, and not taking the reins on the date as she might be used to in her work life. It means talking about things other than work, it means flirting, being silly at times, and not being so serious. It means putting on a skirt or dress, wearing a little lip gloss, and being thankful for being a woman. I’m not suggesting that a woman should be submissive or not use her mind; it is quite the opposite. Our guys in Linx crave cerebral and opinionated women, but she should let her date feel that he is worthy and attractive.

What do you make of Amy's thoughts on gender roles? Stay tuned to find out what Amy has to say about her female clients and the best way to meet a guy.

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pink-pirate pink-pirate 6 years
She's not talking about life in general, she's talking about the early stages of dating. And I totally agree with her. Save the talk about how you're going to climb the corporate ladder for after you've gotten to know each other. Unless you're dating a gay guy, he's likely going to be attracted to feminine qualities. So play them up in the beginning. Putting effort into your appearance doesn't delete your degrees or professional achievements. It just shows you have an entire package to offer someone who is looking for a partner to settle down with in the future.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
are you looking for equality or are you looking for a husband? if a man wants someone to compete with he'll call a buddy to play squash. most men LIKE a girlish woman because it makes them feel more manly. she's soft, smells feminine, looks "pretty". that's sexy to men. seems kind of obvious.you can compete and be more aggressive everywhere else, but if you want a happy home you can't be THE MAN. it leaves him no place to be.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
are you looking for equality or are you looking for a husband? if a man wants someone to compete with he'll call a buddy to play squash. most men LIKE a girlish woman because it makes them feel more manly. she's soft, smells feminine, looks "pretty". that's sexy to men. seems kind of obvious. you can compete and be more aggressive everywhere else, but if you want a happy home you can't be THE MAN. it leaves him no place to be.
soft-coeur soft-coeur 6 years
Wow. That's pretty infuriating; 1950 rang, they'd like their dating norms back. I guess she's got a business to promote, though.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I don't think there's anything wrong with taking on a 'traditional' gender role if one so chooses, but if you don't want to exude your silly femininity all over the place, I don't think that makes you less of a woman, or less attractive. There's someone who will appreciate that quality in you too.I just think most dating advice is sort of funny, "Follow these rules, act this way..." I'm not an actress.I love the Kinkade reference, Bella.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
I don't think there's anything wrong with taking on a 'traditional' gender role if one so chooses, but if you don't want to exude your silly femininity all over the place, I don't think that makes you less of a woman, or less attractive. There's someone who will appreciate that quality in you too. I just think most dating advice is sort of funny, "Follow these rules, act this way..." I'm not an actress. I love the Kinkade reference, Bella.
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 6 years
I think this works for certain types of people, those who crave traditional gender roles and expectations. All of my boyfriends and guy friends have always appreciated my ability to "hang with the guys"
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 6 years
I think this works for certain types of people, those who crave traditional gender roles and expectations. All of my boyfriends and guy friends have always appreciated my ability to "hang with the guys"
Beauty Beauty 6 years
Hmm. I don't think women have to wear dresses, be less serious, and wear lip gloss to be a woman. I mean, hello, Bella Abzug? Hillary Clinton? Maya Angelou? They are all accomplished (and serious!) women who didn't have to play into stereotypical notions of what's "feminine." Also, Mr. Bella said that the thing he liked most about me was my independence. So I don't think you can paint with such broad strokes. Or you can, but the end result will be like a Thomas Kinkade painting.
Beauty Beauty 6 years
Hmm. I don't think women have to wear dresses, be less serious, and wear lip gloss to be a woman. I mean, hello, Bella Abzug? Hillary Clinton? Maya Angelou? They are all accomplished (and serious!) women who didn't have to play into stereotypical notions of what's "feminine." Also, Mr. Bella said that the thing he liked most about me was my independence. So I don't think you can paint with such broad strokes. Or you can, but the end result will be like a Thomas Kinkade painting.
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